A friend kissed me and this is my first kiss after sexual assault, and I don't know about his intentions?

[Anonymous]

My last and only relationship, was an abusive (mentally, physically, sexually) and I was in that relationship for 4 years. I ran away from the place we moved into during Covid, a year and half ago. My first everything was with him, and was forced, even the first kiss. He used to call me a whore, because I had close guy friends (have never kissed or have sex with anyone before my ex). I'm back to dating now, and have been on 2 dates with 2 people. I like them but as usual I just can see them as a friend, nothing more. Yesterday, a guy friend who has moved out to another city in the same state, came back to visit and asked to meetup. We were friends before too, but never close. and that time we both were in a relationship but I did sense that there's something between us, so I stopped hanging out with him back then. Yesterday, we had lunch, then coffee, then he wanted to hang out more, I said I'm down, he was like chill at your place, I said no, but we walked around and watched sunset at the rooftop. The whole time he kept touching me (not inappropriately), opening the car door for me, holding my hands, calling me beautiful, talking about wanting to have kids, and lastly holding my hand while walking but I made a distraction and stopped (since physical stuff still freaks me out a bit). Then he walked me back to my home and after hugging goodbye he fucking french kissed me! I leaned in a bit, since I do like him, but I freaked out immediately and jumped into my apartment. I think I acted a bit freaky and I don't wanna text him explain my whole thing since I'm uncomfortable. But I do want him to give me some time if he's really interested. But I'm thinking maybe he just wanted sex for the night? and since I'm a pessimist, I really think he wanted just to hook-up! I don't know what to think! Plus all of that, since I've been talking to two guys, and have gone on 2 dates (haven't even kissed them or hold hands), I feel like my ex was right and I'm a whore! I feel very bad

[DoctorSex]

You need therapy. Disband dating until you've been through therapy. No one should have to deal with this amount of emotional baggage. It's not your fault you have it, but dating is a deeply spiritual act of entangling your energies and history. No one should feel comfortable putting that much load on another person. Again, get therapy. Psychotherapy I recommend.

Kind regards,
DoctorSex

[IAteTwoFullHams]

You can't know his intentions from just that one moment. Maybe he wanted a one-night stand. Maybe he was dreaming about a relationship. Maybe he just wanted to make out with you and see where it goes from there.

[Asker]

Do you think I should text him and talk about this? Or wait for him to see if he actually wants to talk about this?

[IAteTwoFullHams]

I do think it would be best to be open about it and let him know what's up with you. He can't read your mind.

[Anonymous]

You haven't done anything wrong here at all.

[Asker]

I feel so bad. It's like all the stuff my ex have said are true. and I don't know how to date! like what are the rules? I think I'm considered an attractive girl, and have always had people showing interest in me but I never liked anyone, except for a close guy friend in college, that is probably the only person I've ever been in love with. I recently talked to him and apparently he was in love with me too, but we were both idiots and nothing happened. Sometimes I even question if I'm asexual. I do think about stuff, but when it comes to actually doing anything I'm extremely uncomfortable. I don't know if this is because of the abuse, or I've always been like this.

[Guy13]

Perhaps, you should address this incident with the individual who kissed you. It is normal to have definition and parameters in which relationships operate.

[Asker]

I'm a bit afraid I'll sound stupid. And I freaked out and acted poorly anyways :(

[Guy13]

Okay, you know your comfort level better than anyone else. You seem very self-aware and have a good gut feeling about things. I am hopeful good things and blessings find their way to you. :-)

[Avicenna]

Have a frank convo with your friend. It should be easier since you're friends