Husband secretly using local dating sites?

[LadyRaven]

I have been with the same man for 14 years now. A few months ago I caught him secretly using local dating sites, again, and chatting with people like he was going to go meet with them to hook up. Well we talked about it and he promised he wouldn't do that anymore, he even went so far as you get rid of his phone for a while, to show me he was serious supposedly. So on the second of this month I surprised him with a new cell phone. Well today just a little while ago he was showing me something on his phone and I seen the homepage and saw that he already downloaded at least 2 dating apps. I don't know what to do. I know he will not admit to it without actual proof. Should I ask him about it or not? And even if he owns up to it, what then? I believe that he never actually cheated on me, but how long till he does? And how many times do I have to go through this? What would you do? Would you give your husband/wife another chance? Or would you just walk away? I'm tired of being hurt by the man I love... Please let me know what your thoughts are!

[darline19]

in statistics many married couples aren't happy, im not married yet. but hey, when I looked at my mom, my mom had similar experiences like you, but then she no longer care about it, then my father started to notice that she doesn't care if he's going to have affair or not. since that time, my father no longer dare to cheat on her back. because mom said to him, " i will allow you to have what you want, but give me half price of the house , and I'll leave you. have fun with your new one. " overall, you're lucky, you're married. you could ask for divorce at court and sue him when if you really caught him in red handed. from there you could get a lot of money.

anyway, the way you express your problem here, I know that you still love him , but believe me don't love him too much. he's not yours. everything we have is temporary. people come and go. if you really divorced, perhaps you could get a better person.

[danka_02]

If you really want to see what he’s doing on his phone then get this for his phone… hoverwatch. com You will more than likely want to kill him but at the same time you can’t tell him if you want to keep spying on him

[CalmMind]

So spying is going to fix things? If you're that hell bent on proving it just walk away. There's clearly no trust in the relationship and rightfully so. I just don't see what benefit she would get after having already seen the apps on his phone, especially after giving him another chance.

Also, purely from a tech standpoint don't install. psk files on your phone. There's a reason sites like that don't have apps in the Google Play store (can't speak for iPhone). Many times it's because their code interacts at very deep level in the phone's operating system or they're trying to bypass security measures that Google has put in place.

Lastly, from a legal standpoint what you just suggested is prosecutable under state law in at least 23 states and I believe from the federal level as well. Jilted lovers, in the right or wrong, make excellent criminal witnesses.

[danka_02]

Nah not to prove it to him but so she could prove it to herself that he’s a cheater and a POS

[CalmMind]

That's still bad advice. Proving it to yourself at the expense of her freedom? He doesn't even have to find out about the monitoring. A lot of ISPs if they suspect something along the lines of illicit network traffic will investigate and report it without a moment's notice. Phone providers do this too.

[CalmMind]

Closure isn't that important in the grand scheme of things. She had grounds to leave him once already and she saw the apps installed. That's enough to leave.

[loveslongnails]

Maybe... he's just "bored" and is playing around on these sites to see if he "still has it" and could get a date if he wanted to, but he's not going to follow through. You know, middle-age crisis sort of shit. I'm not saying it's "right", just something to consider.

OR... you could catfish him to find out if he'll follow through. Figure out what sites he's own, post pics of some woman who is his "type" and make up a profile that will attract him. Then find his profile, message him and set up a meet. Whatever time you make it for, text him on the app and tell him you're running a little late. Then show up. Now you'll know he meant to follow through and can act accordingly.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you know that he is doing this, why do you need to wait for a confession or proof that's admissible in court? You tried talking once previously and that didn't work. . . right?

What will your next post be? He met someone else but he says she just gave him a blow job so that's not really sex. How can I get him to stop?"

[Guy13]

Oh my... document, document, and document !! First stop, before divorce attorney, should be a marriage counselor. I'm sorry this crap happened but hopefully you guys can find your way through it. Be safe and Ephesians 5 is the basis of marriage counselling. there are directions for BOTH man and woman there...,

[LadyRaven]

Thank you ! I hope to work it out too.

[Chazmatazz269]

You should dump him. He’s already proven that he doesn’t respect you, let alone love you. If you continue to forgive bad behavior he’ll never face the negative consequences necessary to compel meaningful changes.

[Avicenna]

You've got enough proof of intent to cheat- what more do you need if you are already unhappy? I'd advise you to leave him since this isn't going to change.

[AndrésC64]

Breaking up is hard, but so is staying in a crappy marriage. I stayed in mine too long. You need to rip off that Band-Aid.

[Luopio27]

Turning towards therapists, friends or parents can do good as well as harm.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

He has already cheated or is looking to do it. It should be obvious to you.

[Iron_Man]

Go to a marriage counselor

[Anonymous]

I would say it is over at this point.