Is it even normal for a boyfriend to blow up over trivial stuff?

[Anonymous]

Things he blew up on:

- I didn't pour 1 whole lemon into my tea. I only put 1/2 lemon and he made a big deal that nearly didn't want to speak with me for a whole day.

- I didn't put likes on all his FB notices and posts. I was suppose to put likes or hearts because that's supposedly how much I care about him. Some days he talks too much about himself and elaborates too much on his skills and accomplishments.

- I didn't made a creative, elegant meal (I was tired from work and couldn't think off anything except chicken soup with rice and vegetables). That meant for him that I'm not cherishing our love. Since when is loving someone measured by how creative are your cooking skills?

- He practically forces me to remember specific details that sometimes it's hard to remember. If I don't get it right, he blows up, goes into a tantrum of wanting to break up and goes on and on with the argument, making it a horrible day.

- I was busy once and didn't return his call for a couple minutes and he was already texting me ''I'm super mad, don't text nor call me''. He didn't want to talk to me for days.

Is all this even normal? I feel there are more miserable days than happy moments. I've been more stressful than ever, focusing on trying to make him happy or be careful of not saying anything or doing anything that will upset him.

Updates

1 y

Meanwhile I'm so confused and wondering why are there so many arguments? Out of all the arguments, at least 99 out of 100 are all created by him blowing up and suddenly turning a beautiful, peaceful day into a nightmare where I'm telling myself ''oh dear, what happened''?

[Vesuvius87]

You've just described my narcissistic ex boyfriend, the worst experience ever in my life. Narcs are waste of oxygen that destroy people's lives the longer you stay with them.

Nothing will ever make them happy. It's all about themselves, their wants and their needs. They have no empathy for anyone.

[Valso]

Sounds like a control freak who will eventually end up beating you, if you keep dating him and give him the idea he owns you. This is how it starts. I've seen similar signs quite a few times and I really don't get it what do women find in such abusive men that they ignore the signs and stay with them.

[Vesuvius87]

I can answer. In the past, I used to think it was only abuse if you got hit or beaten. I never got hit by a boyfriend but there are other types of abuse; mental, psychological and even financial abuse (borrowing money and never returning it back, using you for it too). There is also abusing someone's trust by faking an entire relationship, a future. It seems those types of abuse are just as bad too, terrible too.

[Valso]

The financial abuse is called "gold digging" and I wouldn't categorize it in the same way as the other abuses bc it doesn't involve actual hurting.
Physical and psychological abuses - these are the worst in my opinion.

[Vesuvius87]

He hurt me with money because that was money that he told it was for marriage, to cover up expenses so he can work on his papers, visit me and get married. He scammed and lied in order for me to give him money.
Then I find out he never worked on anything. In fact, he used my money for dates and other things. Disgusting.

[Vesuvius87]

He pulled the marriage and kids card on me as a trap.

[Vesuvius87]

A total scam

[Valso]

@Vesuvius87 You're right, this is bad. I thought it was the regular gold digging that you can see from women but apparently it was a whole well planned scam. I'm sorry this happened to you.

[Vesuvius87]

yeah how I know too many men will use the 'I want kids and marriage'' line on us to get us hooked up meanwhile having no intention of ever proposing, just keeping the woman waiting for nothing

I'm in my 2nd relationship by now, 8 months into it and things are good. Having kids is what we want; hopefully I got it right this time and it's not another false alarm.

[Valso]

@Vesuvius87 That's weird. The most of the guys I know or ever met (if not all) say they don't want kids or marriage and do anything to avoid them.

[Vesuvius87]

At least they are honest and aren't wasting people's time. I find it so cowardly and nasty when a man purposely gives the woman false hopes of having kids one day, he knows very well is a lie but doesn't care.

[slatyb]

No, it’s not normal. He needs professional help. You need to leave the relationship. Living with a partner who is constantly angry is exhausting. Did you grow up in an angry home?

[Anjoomkabir]

He sounds like a narcissist. If you know what's good for you, you'll leave.

[Asker]

I was just briefly searching about it and omg, he fits practically all the categories. He hates being criticized or getting told when he's wrong. My parents actually hate him because they're seeing me unhappy. Thank you. Walking away soon.

[Vesuvius87]

Hopefully the OP leaves this narcissist. That's exactly how my ex boyfriend was like too. Narcs are like plagues to be avoided at all costs.

[Anjoomkabir]

Your parents will always know what's best for you
Please be aware that when you do leave him, he will make false promises that he will change. The narcissist usually latches on to their source of affection but you must stay strong and realise that he's not clinging to you because he genuinely loves you but because your attentiveness bolsters his ego.
I genuinely pray that you get out of this situation safely and that you can find happiness elsewhere with someone who deserves you.
If you need someone to talk to, my direct messages are always open
All the best!

[DryGermanGuy]

Instead of posting here, pack your bag and leave as fast as possible! That guy sounds like a certifiable psychopath. 🤔

[Asker]

I'm leaving. He actually fits practically all the traits of a narcissist. He hates getting told when he's in the wrong, it's never his fault and if he sees one small flaw in me (forgetting where I put my keys), he blews off. It's like he has an ideal version that I and things have to be perfect.

[DryGermanGuy]

Good for you! Wishing you all the best. 👍

[FilmGuy93]

No. Why would you ever hesitate to distance yourself from someone who normally behaves that way?

[AndrésC64]

Dump his ass immediately.

[Asker]

I will. He's a narcissist.

[AndrésC64]

Good. Getting out of that relationship is the best thing you can do.

[CallmeTheKnight]

You women never stop surprising me with your taste in men..

[Anjoomkabir]

You sound like a misogynist. How about we start holding men accountable for their actions instead of deflecting the blame on the victims?

[CallmeTheKnight]

Nothing is misogynistic about my statement. You're responsible for the people you allow in your life, especially in relationships. Dude clearly has issues, yet she just comes online and has the nerve to question the obvious about his behavior rather than see it for what it is... a lack of respect for her.

You should actually think before you speak, because this little feminist/misogynistic narrative you're trying to run with will always make you look stupid. It doesn't matter how pretty you are, you are accountable for the people you allow in your life and how long you allow disrespect in life. You're not helping women or yourself by doing that.

[Anjoomkabir]

Right so it's funny how you singled out "women".
It was simply unnecessary.
Your statement wasn't intended to help her, it just put down and devalued the sex she belongs to... so yes to me your statement is misogynistic
Perhaps YOU should think before you write and not vice versa

[CallmeTheKnight]

Take it how you want sis. 😉 women need to hold themselves accountable for the poor decisions they make as well and I definitely meant that. You don't have to like the truth, but you can always have an opinion.

[sirderpsalot123]

Why are you still with him?

[Anonymous]

That's not normal at all