Boyfriend reveals his true colors when I make him mad, what do I do?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my boyfriend for a long one year. The whole year wasn't really all that good and he did a lot of shady stuff in the relationship i never understood. One would be him telling me he is busy and disappeared on me for a couple of days. I always had a feeling he was cheating on me but couldn't accuse him because i never seen it with my own eyes. Usually when we argue he wouldn't say much because he once told me he could say some things he know could hurt my feelings. Now when we argue he drops some things he's done behind my back. We had a total of 3 arguments that led to him showing his true color.

A few times in the past i would make him mad and he would say these things but will tell me it was a joke and it was only said to make me mad but it turns out they weren't really jokes. He then will bring up how i made him angry in the further past that CAUSED him to do these things. The first argument i made him mad and he admitted that he had slept with another girl. I didn't believe it but he showed me proof. And for the past few months before all of that, he's been telling me he's tired of me and our relationship and that im not attractive to him. Even though he said they were jokes, he didn't want to break up. We broke up after i found out he slept with another girl and i completely ghosted him for a few months. Still he found other ways to contact me and apologize. We got back together and had a second argument. He told me he had nudes of me but said it was a joke when we got done arguing. Only for us to argue again the next day and reveal that he ACTUALLY did have nudes of me. He deleted them when we made up. We got into it again two days ago and now he admitted he was tired of me again and he was messing around with a coworker at his job but hasn't shown me proof. It feels as though he doesn't like me anymore but doesn't want to break up. And if i do try to break up, he threatens me. What do I do?

[quaranta]

Everyone reveals their true colors when they are mad.
What I see here is that he gave you multiple very strong motivations to not trust him at all, and trust is absolutely the first big foundation of any relationship.
Mind that someone who lies or cheats, will keep doing that (with you or with their new partners) because it's rooted in the way the value themselves vs all the others, and in moral values in general, plus immaturity. So if you continue to keep him, you know what you are getting.
Not just that: by forgiving him the past times (forgiven as in: you're again with him), you have indirectly taught him that the way he does is normal and acceptable for you and that he can continue as much as he wants. You rewarded his crap with your presence, you rewarded he slept with another girl before even having the decency to break up with you first.
On top of that (and I'm 0 surprised) he blames you for his own mistakes, expecting you find this okay and absorb the guilt. What are you a trashbin? What is he, a mentally disabled person who needs constant assistance because he is not responsible for any of his actions and instincts to the point that getting to have sex with another girl is directly your fault, nurse? Does he want to be meant and treated like a patient? Or like a baby, whose mother is responsible if they break something or shit on the carpet? Please, that's pathetic, you shouldn't accept to de-responsibilize anyone who consciously hurts you.

Now in front of this, and sticking to your mind that's impossible he will change anytime soon, take a reality check: there is no trust in your relationship, you can't relax with him, you can't feel valued, loved, understood, safe, respected. So what are you actually getting from this relationship, objectively, if none of the foundations are in place? Was this what you wished to get when you dreamt about a relationship while being single? Is this what you wish anyone you love to get, with their new partners? No.
Maybe you are addicted to the chance of getting the respect he owes you back through the excuse of hoping next time he will be better, and that's what keeps you hooked. But he will never do that, at most he will just lie to convince you he is sorry and reliable, but in fact it's a lost game you can only lose at.

So I think you should break up, not "try" to break up. Do not even wait for his consent, you break up. Do you even owe him the benefit of consent for that? No.
Prepare yourself to counter the threats he poses to you, such as getting silently all your things back from his home, getting close friends ready to guard you when you are around, telling your friends about the fact he might still have porn pics of you and do revenge porn and so to please stay on your side, get helped by a center for women who are victims of revenge porn threats (start by accessing FB groups of your area, to read similar stories and the options they get), and such. Prepare yourself for the hit the most you can with the support of others, be quicky and not indecisive, then cut his ****. I mean "ties" (still 4 letters, I meant "ties", yeah...).

[WhitneySnow]

He cheated on you twice and stole your nudes. Dump this guy and get a restraining order against him if you feel threatened by him. That way if he bothers you again you can get him thrown in jail.

[TheFlak38]

just another dumb bitch who knows how to pick the best man possible out of her millions of options.

[d3n0939]

This is what I experienced with every type of relationships I had. They show it when they are mad

[OlderAndWiser]

Are you enjoying the drama?

[Wise4myage]

Geez, he is a real piece of shit.