How can I love myself more?

[Anonymous]

I tried everything (therapy, meditation, affirmations, etc.) but nothing helped. I didn't realize that I didn't love myself until I took a look at my relationships. I have almost no friends, and the few guys I dated, I let them treat me like dirt. Whenever I meet people, I'm just terrified of being judged, or seem boring, and overall inferior. I'm a very loving and caring person, but for some reason, I'm not able to give that love to myself. Do you have any tips on how can I love myself?

[quaranta]

The more you let others treat you like dirt, the more you reinforce this perception of yourself, because afterall they're feedbacks that mark what is your "position" compared to theirs. But, people treat you like dirt not just because they are pricks (and those specific ones would be like that with anyone else), but in part it's also because of how you decide to let them do that. A relationship is made in 2, so for example if you don't stop them from doing something that hurts you, and rather think in yourself that you better absorb and resist until the suffering finishes and perhaps even forgiving them, telling them "it's nothing, don't worry", hiding your feelings, by not reacting you're just actively teaching them that the way they treat you is normal for you, acceptable and they can perhaps go worse, afterall, if they want. A loop installs there: you don't react because you don't feel in the position to do so, so they continue and underline where you stand, and a new line is crossed. And it goes worse and worse. Make the effort to not let this loop install, be ready to face conflicts when you say "no", be ready to block anything that you don't want to settle as the normality in your couple, without exceptions. If you get a relationship where you can manage this, it will probably raise your self esteem.
So I can really grant that a really BIG part of your social role depends exclusively on how you decide, consciously, to be perceived, and not by something existentially wrong in you that would throw you always in an inferior position. It's true. When I was a late teenager, and got a new group of friends after being a complete introvert loser who would get pranked and bullied all the time elsewhere, I decided to play the role of an extrovert, positive and easygoing alpha person with them, from the very first time. This made me be perceived like such, for real. From there, my social problems got fixed in the years afterwards, and I became for real a socially successful person, not just made it up with effort like a mask.
While it's true that you can work on yourself to love yourself, getting feedback from the others that you really are perceived as someone important, can help making you start your path. If all the self work (meditation etc) in the end doesn't pass the reality test because doesn't find confirmation from the external world then of course it doesn't work. So the point is to create a situation where, with new people who know nothing of you, you present yourself in the way you would like to be, artificially, until it becomes true. That is valid for relationships too...
Another side tip: the others are probably not superior than you at all. Most of people have very ridiculous and immature traits you get to know only when you get closer to them for a long time: childish ways to face problems, no stuff together in the life, tendency to lie, to scam, to avoid responsibilities, maybe they try very hard to prove the others their value (but you can't see it), maybe they treat their mothers like servants, and whatnot that would just nuke their reputation and value in general. Having a "strong personality" can't compensate such flaws. So remember how people can be really cringe and ugly behind the best version of themselves, and how they're trying hard in that.

[caring__1]

When we rely on external validation, we end up insatiable. No matter how much they give, it's never enough. The problem is we can't accept something from others if we don't already believe it ourselves. Discover your true assets and do your best to enhance what already exists. Get a day planner and schedule start and stop times for things you want to accomplish. We tend to accomplish more when we have a start and stop time than when we leave it open-ended. Stop minimizing what you do. Every accomplishment, no matter how small, will build your confidence and motivate you to do more.

[Anonymous]

Start doing nice things for other people who are less fortunate.