My boyfriend of 3 years said he loves me but he loves himself more - how can I make him love me more?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I have a boyfriend, we lived together for 6 months after 6 months of dating,
he treated me like a goddess,
I felt like the happiest woman in the world,
he often said he loved me more than he loved himself,
he felt like he lived in the dream,
he did show his love with his actions everyday,
he proved his love to me many times but…

due to covid I had to leave his country and haven’t seen him for the last 2 years cause he’s been locked in his country and I couldn’t visit either, For 1.5 years we called everyday, I felt love from him and he missed me crazy. We went to sleep and woke up together with video calls.

I felt like living in a fairytale.

In the last 6 months though, we started having problems because of the distance and time and we broke up a few times, only to reconcile and reconcile again.

For the last 2 months we’ve been stable, he messages me and calls me very often but rarely tells me he loves me.

Today, I asked him, baby you still love me, don’t you? He answered - I often hurt you and sometimes I think maybe that’s because I do love you - but I love myself more.

That’s what he said, how do I make him love me the way he loved me before? He even proposed me 1 year ago, but now, he tells me he loves himself more. I know distance changes feelings but I feel sad.

[Apulu_3]

Well you shouldn't love anyone else more than yourself and he is just making it clear. Because if you don't love yourself then you don't have the love to give others too. This isn't a bad thing. It is a good thing actually :) however if you are feeling uncomfortable by him saying this again and again then talk with him and say him that you don't like it. However you shouldn't change his current self that he loves himself more. If he won't love himself then he won't have t love to give you. It is healthy mentality.

[ohshee]

You can't make anybody love you more and you don't want to try to make somebody love you more because then it's fake you want them to love you the way you they loved you to prove to you how much they love you if you change that. And you tricked them into loving you then it's fake and you don't want that you want real love

[DonkeyDan]

Faded love rarely reignites, you can't force it. Maybe the relationship just can't survive the distance. You have to decide what you want to do from here, make a concerted effort and get back to his country and see if it changes anything, or accept it and move on.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Have tried many times. He’s in China and China has been locked pretty bad. Going there is too expensive at this point. Unless I wait before they open the country. For fading love, whose love wouldn’t fade if you hadn’t meet your partner for 2 years straight? For me, the thing that he is still loyal to me, calls me everyday and cares for me - is enough to be confident it can reignite…

[love_conquers_lust]

This is what I was looking for. Your summary was pretty accurate.

CoVid sucks. China did what communist regimes do and tried to make too many decisions for too many people. They tried to avoid economic hardship and instead ended up pro rating that hardship amongst the world. Their actions ended up hurting them even more in doing so. They didn’t let their own people do their own jobs by following containment protocol. Had they followed that protocol, global demand would have stayed up and China would have recovered once they contained the outbreak. This is why the world is mad at them and calling them commies despite their best intentions.

You wanted to stay, your ex wanted to send you away after speaking with your relatives. You lived in Georgia while he in China in a LDR. He wanted to be closer to you. Apparently he cheated on you, <-this reason alone is enough to say he should get to stepping. That’s a big enough mistake to forgive, but I wouldn’t forget. He wanted to be intimate and close with someone. That doesn’t mean he didn’t still care about you, but there are practical considerations, that being he has a dick and we only have one life. Two years is a remarkably long time to pine for someone who is promised to you. Spouses of veterans on deployment struggle with the same dilemma. That artwork you posted looks like a depiction of those breakups and reconciliations.

He’ll always be a part of your history. So, if you keep doing what you’re doing you should be able to find someone so that his name is replaced by someone else’s. His name shouldn’t come up in regular conversation when that happens. It sucks waiting for that to happen in the meantime. It sucks that he went back on his word. It sucks holding people to their word when things change mid deal. This is the frustration many spouses in sexless marriages deal with. We date people making declarations of what we are, but we don’t know how we’re going to change and it’s scary. That’s why love is a decision. That’s why it’s different from being IN love. Grow together or grow apart.

It’s not fair to you if you held your end of the bargain. I still deal with a permanent ailment from athletics. Life is full of unfairness. But you are a gift that shouldn’t be kept from someone. Nor should you cheat yourself out of someone else sharing themselves with you.

It feels kind of creepy combing through your posts, but it is public information. It kind of weirds me out that I have some of the traits you’re looking for. You have remarkable characteristics. You are kind of short, but most women are short to me. I’m pretty much bald, so maybe that makes it even. You also have a beautiful voice when you spoke in your native tongue. You got a lot going for you. Keep on keepin’ on.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Did this post fill in the gaps you had?

I mean, yes, it’s creepy, but also why do you advertise yourself to me? 🤣

I’d never be interested in another LDR ever, so, you can stop advertising yourself 😂

[love_conquers_lust]

I think so.

I’m a 38 year old single guy who saw a hot looking girl from Georgia, that’s why.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Since we only live once and men get controlled by dicks, I think It’s still quite an achievement to make him wait for me for 2 years, especially at his peak age of 25-27.

He always told me, I must be proud to be the type of girl men can wait for years.

That being said, I am not ideal, so, no need to try to impress me haha

[love_conquers_lust]

SOME men get controlled by their dicks and SOME wait that kind of time. It is an “achievement” but I wouldn’t refer to it as such as if it’s a game. You denied yourself as well. You could have saved yourself a lot of heartache if you’d agreed to break up sooner and dated around in Georgia.

That’s right, you aren’t ideal. I still think you’re kind of chicken shit for not wanting to see my pictures via DM.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

First, please talk respectfully :)

Second, why would I want to see your pictures?

Third, why are you sure it wouldn’t put us in an awkward situation, for example, what If I don’t get that impressed?

[love_conquers_lust]

1) Apologies. “Scared” is more palatable. I’m impressed you knew what chicken shit meant, did you?

2) How would I know? You haven’t seen them

3) I’m NOT sure. I THINK that would put us in a better situation. Then if you’re not impressed, you can reject me, test my strength, and you can be the first girl to directly and truthfully reject me based on looks. You said you were all about genetics.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I said that 7 months ago.

And if I was only i to genetics, I’d not be into a man who was both very smart, ambitious and handsome.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I suspect seeing your face will not magically change my opinions… So I am saving you from having your ego hurt.

[love_conquers_lust]

Oh good, it sounds like you’ve found someone else. May I take that as a rejection?

[AviatorTom]

Welcome to relationships. They change over time. And remember, you cannot make someone love you. Love him and he may love you in return, but you can't make him. Forced love is not love at all.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I think he loves me, I am a lovable person 😄
I am really cute and loving, it’s impossible for him not to love me haha

I just think, his love fade away because of time and distance between us.

[Waldoe]

you cannot... anyone who is Honest, will say that they are #1, and everyone else is below that... even you feel like you are #1 and you want him to agree... you are expecting him to do the thing that you cannot

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yes, he is a very honest person.

[boggboss]

U are asking for him to love u more then himself that is unhealthy

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I’m not asking him that… I just don’t see the need for him to tell me that… He could easily say, he loves me. Just like he has said thousand times before. He has told me he would die for me and I would die for him too.

But this time he added - that he loves himself more. Why should you tell this to your girlfriend? Maybe I’m overreacting, I just felt sad he didn’t just say “ I love you”.

[boggboss]

Because the way he loved u before ened up hurting him so now he loves u differently

[loveslongnails]

You can't EVER make someone love you, or love you more, or love you like they used to. You're experiencing the same thing that happens to all long-distance relationships, and this is why they don't work out most of the time. What country is he in that he "can't leave and you can't enter"? I don't know of any country refusing to let someone "out". If you guys are seriously, find a place that will let you both IN and make a life together where you won't be apart.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He’s in China.

[loveslongnails]

Communist China, I presume? I have no good advice for you in that case, other than "move on".

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yes, communist China… That’s why he can’t leave and I can’t enter.. I used to live there for a year before the pandemic. That’s how I met him and he’s very open minded person unlike other people in his country.

[loveslongnails]

So he can't leave no matter what, not just because of Covid, right?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He can’t leave because of financial reasons mainly :

1. There are no direct flights from his country to mine and they can be quite expensive.
2. If he flies to me, when we go back, he will have to take 1 month long quarantine which can be quite expensive and he’ll also lose the job. Which he can’t afford for now, he’s 25 and he’s trying his best to improve in career.
3. Flights to China are very expensive as well. Much more expensive than flights from China. All in all, this total trip will cost him over 20 000-25 000 USD which he doesn’t have for now and he doesn’t want to accept my financial help either.

For one year whole China was locked and you couldn’t leave or enter. This is second year and he was waiting for me to go to him, cause I promised I would make it but I failed cause of very strict rules of entering China. He’s been keeping our apartment and he’s been waiting for me and supporting to go back. But I failed and he cannot make it either. Meanwhile our relationship survived but the love faded away, we love each other but we haven’t seen each other for 2 years, so you can imagine what it’s like.

[loveslongnails]

Yes, I can imagine what it's like to waste your time for that long. Why the fuck would you want to move to a country like Communist China anyway? For "love", which you say is gone? The only way I can imagine saving this is he saves every penny he has, so do you, and you move to a country that's a democracy, and he never goes back to China.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

It’s not gone. I love him. He’s been like a family for me and he loves me too. Why else would he still stay loyal to me and call me everyday to this day?

He proposed me last year. But we never made it to meet each other after that. I don’t want to move in China forever. I just want to see him. We can find out what we can do next. I left him for just 3 weeks to renew my visa and see my family back in 2020 February and never made it back.

[loveslongnails]

If you already know what you want, then fine. I'll just stick to my original response - "You can't EVER make someone love you, or love you more, or love you like they used to." You didn't do anything different to make him love you less. Don't expect you can do something to make him love you more. Good luck.

[DaveToo]

Be sad for the loss then move on because he's not worth the effort. It will only get worse.

[Juxtapose]

Love tends to be an emotional mess and I'm still waiting for it to be worth the effort in the context of a romantic relationship.

He better love himself more because nobody is going to love him more than they love themselves either.

[mark000h]

You can't, and you're just wasting your time if you try.

[Paul09]

Well relationship sent Disney movies. Get over it. They are a 2 way road. Maybe it is time to move on.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Why do you think so? :(

[Paul09]

Arnt* Well because both have to feel the same way. Not just one person. And it's real life. Nothing like the movies.

[jahaims]

You can't make someone love you

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He did love me a lot… He cried when I left. He had fever for weeks after I left, because of worrying I wouldn’t be able to go back soon.

I think the reason he doesn’t feel intense feelings anymore is - the distance and time. We haven’t met for 2 years… I think he can love me a lot once I’m back to him again.