Why is my boyfriend after 3 years being so nice to me and again after 3 years started putting kisses at the end of msgs he's not ever this nice to me?

[Anonymous]

I'm (35 f) he's (37 m) 3 years if I'm being honest has been near enough hell there has been a lot said and most recently a huge argument where he told me his ex was better at everything including sex and he repeated told me I'm desperate and he doesn't love me and never has. This type of argument happens every couple of weeks sometimes twice a week over the smallest things like i bought the wrong toilet paper or wrong washing up liquid literally the smallest things and he blows up at me saying such cruel things with the intent to hurt me mentally (he's said he says the cruel things cos he knows it hurts me). Then one morning he woke up and was really sweet and nice I thought wow ok I like this but now he's overly sweet and nice to the extent that he's started putting kisses on the end of every message it just happened randomly one night whilst he was in work and that's when something clicked in my head 3 years I've asked why he doesn't put kisses I always put 2 regardless and now out of the blue he's put 2 so I pointed it out and he said o I thought you wanted kisses... am I overthrowing to much or not I mean he's done and said some cruel things over 3 years and tbh he hasn't cared and then over night he's changed into a sweet caring man that wants to be nice and make me happy... x

Updates

+1 y

If your guna be spiteful in your response like 1 female already has I'd rather you not comment thankyou

[Anonymous]

It's difficult to say exactly why your boyfriend has suddenly started being nice to you and putting kisses at the end of messages, especially given the history of cruel behavior and hurtful comments that you've described.

It's possible that he has had a change of heart and genuinely wants to be kind and loving towards you. However, it's also possible that he has ulterior motives or is trying to manipulate you in some way.

It's important to approach this situation with caution and to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about his recent behavior. Ask him why he's suddenly being so nice to you and whether there is anything he wants or needs from you.

It's also important to set boundaries and to make sure that you are not being taken advantage of or manipulated in any way. If you have concerns about his behavior or if you feel uncomfortable with the sudden change, it may be helpful to talk to a trusted friend or counselor for support and guidance.

[Friendlybro79]

I don't know. I want to believe people can change for the better. Maybe he woke up one day and really did some self reflecting or maybe someone else said something to him to respect you more. The other thing I was wondering if he maybe on his own got therapy?

Something or someone could have snapped him out of his bad behavior but I will say to you to be on guard. You could always suggest couples therapy as a way to continue to be the best couple you can be. This seems he could potentially be bi-polar too. If he is he will need help. With help he can be way better. Or he could be a jerk but that's hard to tell from here.

[Oliviaelif]

You have 3 options to believe:

First, you are with a mentally ill person.

Second, they have profits. That's why he treats you well. But sometimes he can forget these profits.

Third, he may be trying to be a better person for you. However, past experiences and different traumas can prevent this.

The decision is yours. Remember this: Don't suppress your future laughter because of a relationship you're not smiles with.

[Anonymous]

Be wary. My Ex mainly comes around on a special occasion and rel lovey when it deals with a possible gift like I used to do. Like this morning. he may want some sex and more of his own kisses. Be careful and not so trusting.

[Opinion Owner]

Love ya, Gag. hahahax

[Finchie40]

Maybe he had a wake up call and realized how blessed he is to have you by his side , most relationships go through ups and downs and most people don’t realize how good of a partner they have until that person is gone or out of their lives , usually when a partner starts to come off as being mean and angry toward you in most cases they are just miserable with themselves and they tend to attack the ones they love most , without realizing they are doing it so the fact that you stood by his side during that rough time proved to him that he has a great girl standing by his side and he realized he was being a dumb ass for treating you the way he has been treating you , All relationships are hard but when you find someone that stands by your side no matter what that is where love comes into play

[DermalPunch]

PUH-LEEZ His trifling ass is cheating.

[Finchie40]

That’s definitely a possibility as well , but in most cases it isn’t , Most people just assume the worst case scenario, but again I really don’t know their relationship so it’s hard to tell , but if he is cheating the. She needs to dump his ass

[TenderFantasy]

@Finchie40 That or could want to break up if they're being mean or an asshole.

[Finchie40]

Yea if someone is constantly mean to you and disrespectful , lacks on intimacy and affection , meaning they only want intimacy and affection when it’s convenient for them and they are constantly selfish and only really care about themselves , you have to realize life is to short to be with someone that truly doesn’t respect you and appreciates you , I know people go through tough times in life and deal with stress in different ways , but when you are a constant punching bag to someone , that should be your answer to walk away and realize you deserve to be appreciated and valued and respected , it’s ok to walk away , unless your partner is dealing with some type of medical condition that is making them irritated and mean all the time , then yes you should stand by their side , but if they totally just disrespect you and not talk highly of you , it’s best to move on , just because you feel that you love someone because you been with them for so long , sometimes it’s best to walk away from them , that isn’t giving you the love you deserve, Life is too short to deal with nonsense and to be with someone that truly does t appreciate you , when you are treated like a convenience , you need to treat them as one as well

[NostalgiaSenpi]

This type of argument happens every couple of weeks sometimes twice a week over the smallest things like i bought the wrong toilet paper or wrong washing up liquid literally the smallest things and he blows up at me saying such cruel things with the intent to hurt me mentally (he's said he says the cruel things cos he knows it hurts me).

My advice is to break up with him. It may hurt now to do so, especially since now he's being sweet, but he sounds mentally unstable and not worth the time. Unless he's willing to go to a therapist, he's going to do this later on, and likely be physical, too.

[crossdressingrihno]

Break up with him.
He either got in trouble with someone over how he treated you or he’s hiding something.
Either way I don’t think he loves you.


I know you want him to love you but your relationship is dead and you shouldn’t trust him. Maybe he’s cheating or maybe he’s looking at life insurance, whatever it may be I can assure you that you don’t won’t want to be involved.

[ChillaxingLove]

Your relationship is toxic. Do you plane on getting married to him? If so Do something for me. Ask yourself after 3 years has your relationship advanced in anyway or has it just been argument and disrespectful degrading insults? If not then why do you stay with someone who treats you badly, do you think you’ll not find anyone else?

sounds to me he doesn’t value you and uses his ex as a tool to hurt you.

[Hulk_kitty]

I don't consider putting kisses in messages being to nice to you, that's cheap, anyone can do, even ted bundy could do that, and did do that with his girlfriend, was so nice her, but behind her back, was out killing women.
You are going to need to judge him on more just on few kisses. Actions across the board is a general, is better way to assess their character.

[Hulk_kitty]

I wouldn't start complaining about that now, as you have mentioned to him. Its take more than a few kisses in texts to convince me, you are a good person or love me.

No offence, I think you need to do some work on yourself, and work on your values as a whole, in what you want in a partner, and with yourself.

As far as sending a few kisses in text messages, just doesn't cut it for me.

To be honest, if he is been really cruel to you and abusive, you need to leave him, it sounds like to me, your confidence is bashed, and cause of that, you are not sure about his actions.

My advice leave him. sorry you can hate for it.

[Hulk_kitty]

Seen stuff like this happen to people really upsets me, cause I have been in an abusive relationship, it really messed me up, and my confidence, it took a good year to recover from it.

Please leave him, you will realise , you were better off without him. Its going to be very hard to do it, only because your confidence is low. But you need to find that inner to go.

[Hulk_kitty]

meant inner strength.

[ADW03]

Has he ever cheated?
Also, sweetheart... be better than that... he could eff every other girl and you would still be there... you are convenient to him, when you are probably amazing!! Get it together... leave his ass!!

[Asker]

he's never cheated if he had he would have told me just to hurt me that's how he works sadly but he knows if he did I would genuinely be gone xx

[ADW03]

You know him better than any stranger here...
But if you have taken the mental and verbal hit for the few years, he knows he can do whatever he wants... and a person, either party, seeks flirtation, conversation, meeting up, etc... its stressful and will cause those unwarranted lashes.. even if minimal...
Unfortunately I know... I was the one causing the harm, regretfully...

[ADW03]

I have my opinions, many unliked, but follow your happiness!! In a world full of hate, ya gotta grab that shit and hold on tight :) just hold on to the right one ;)

[Blues36]

great

[DermalPunch]

@Asker we are really looking out for you. Your man is, has and plans to cheat and or continue cheating. Clearly with his ex WHO probably keeps breaking things off so he keeps you on standby. This is standard cheater behaviour. Many of us have been through it. We know. I hope you wake up soon. We aren't trying to tear you down. Three years is enough of being his side piece.

[Andres77]

Get out while you can. You don't want to raise kids with a jerk like that as an example of how men should be.

[DiegoO]

Be extremely careful.

That's how abusers do, if they think they need to work on you before "winning you". Once they think they've conquer you, they show their real face. That generally creates confussion.

[spartan55]

Further evidence that girls can never just take the win. It's mind boggling.

[Darine123]

He cheated on you, my ex have been too nice to me at some point of our relationship and found out later that he was cheating on me

[FifiJones]

Oooh, sounds bad. I wouldn't even start a relationship if it was going to go that way.

[Sasha0426]

If he’s been that way this whole time, do not fall for that crap. He’s abusive and they don’t change overnight. That’s bait he’s using.

[aoihewgf]

Is the image for your post actually what he sent you?

[Blues36]

understand your worth now

[Blues36]

I also think you're better than the other girl at everything

[David4358]

sounds like he is bi polar

[DermalPunch]

He cheated.

[DermalPunch]

Or he is in the process of monkey branching and will dump you or do the distance to make you dump him soon.

Or is full on cheating and trying to lull you into a false sense of security.

Either way if it is out of character he is up to no good.

Play it cool and give him the rope to hang himself. If he is up to something (he is) then he will tell on himself one way or another.

[DermalPunch]

This type of argument happens every couple of weeks sometimes twice a week over the smallest things like i bought the wrong toilet paper or wrong washing up liquid

That's when he is getting ready to go see his woman. He needs to be mad at you so he isn't guilty when he goes cheating.

[In_Trance]

dump him