Hi all, I hope there are some nice people who find my question and may be able to help a little :)
I broke up with my ex 3 months ago. I ended it because he cheated on me and didn't treat me well (constantly stoned and just wouldn't wake up to himself). I was a wonderful girlfriend to him and he says himself he could not have asked for anything more. It broke my heart to leave him and although I did it knowing I couldn't go back, I think deep down I hoped one day he'd change because we were really in love.
I had a no contact rule and although his "I miss yous" and "lets talk" messages came from time to time I knew I had to be strong in not opening the door to him coming back and did not reply.
I deleted him off fb and tried to move on but it was very painful and he knew how much I had suffered in our relationship and in breaking up with him.
Within 3 weeks of us ending our 1 year relationship he met someone new...I thought perhaps it was a rebound fling and tried to dismiss it. He def met her AFTER me.I was still crying everyday and he'd moved on? Then my friend told me he had an open profile on facebook and of course I took a peek. His profile pictures were a flurry of couple pictures (in similar poses as we used to do and even one in underwear - ewww!) within a month of them dating. After 2.5 months of not seeing him (2 weeks ago) I ran into him at a local bar. He text me all night saying how much he missed me and came to talk to me an could we talk tomorrow. He called the next day and said he wanted to be part of my life, that he missed me and could not say I was not the one for him, he thought we should never have broken up and how much he too had suffered from the break up. He was very flirty and did not mention his new gf! 3 days later officially "in a relationship on facebook"...but some bizarre twists. The first is a few days before I seen him again he joined a dating website and is active on it (his girlfriend lives 4 hours away). The second is he has been messaging me in a flirty way "Get out of my head, I can't stop thinking abut you", sending me pictures of himself and making me think he wanted me back. But I know he is now on a holiday with his girlfriend (whom he has NEVER mentioned to me) and looks and sound so happy on facebook (by the way I know FB is horrible and I've sworn never to look again...I've only ever looked half a dozen times over 3 months). He really did pull on my heart strings being in contact like that and I thought he was wanting something more...his messages were not friend-friendly they were boyfriend friendly. I feel so hurt and confused and I am so jealous of his new girlfriend. She even looks like me! I feel like he is going to treat her the way I wanted to be treated and its sending me nuts. After all, I wanted to be with him, I just couldn't stand his pot smoking, skanks and whatever attitude anymore. It hurts so bad...why does he get to be happy when he was such a jerk to me? Why would he contact me if has a girlfriend and not mention it!
Most Helpful Guy
This is just my opinion by the way. Sounds like he's one of these people who just likes to sleep with girls and doesn't want a long term relationship and sees you just as his plaything and is just acting like that to get sympathy from you in order to get in bed with you.
Or he's trying to get back at you for breaking up with him, why else would he go so far as to flirt with you to the extent that he thinks you two are still going out, while he KNOWS he's ALREADY got a GIRLFRIEND again?
Don't worry jerks like him in this world turn out to be homeless people on the streets who wander around aimlessly from place to place in the future.
okay I know what iv'e said so far probably hurt you more, if it did I apologize but like I said just MY OPINION.
Besides if he really loved you he would of changed his ways to make you happy (Like quit taking drugs) the moment or a few weeks after you two started to date, he doesn't deserve you if he treated you that way for that long and then realizes he misses you, if he didn't mention that he was the one at fault I think he definitely doesn't deserve you.
You should just find someone else who will care and accept you for who you are, don't worry you won't stay like this forever :)1THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
Most Helpful Girl
he's not going to change. well, people do change sometimes, but they have to really want to, and it doesn't sound like he regrets his behavior towards you enough to actually do something about it.
so don't go thinking that you're the one that's lost out. sure for the moment he might be having fun with this girl but he will treat her just the same way. I would just laugh at them if I were you and thank your lucky stars that it's her, not you, with him.
Of course you really care about him and its hard to come to terms with the fact that someone you love cannot be quite the person you want him to be. In some ways he's great, but he's also a cheat and a druggie. those are undeniable parts of his character. and you deserve better. I think break ups are so hard when you still want to be with the person you thought you knew, but actually they don't quite exist. I've recently had a similar experience.
Maybe he is with this girl now because he's not over you and can't stand to deal with his feelings. And they do say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. the fact that he's with her doesn't mean that he doesn't miss you or doesn't regret his actions. it's just that he is who he is and its difficult to change. some people need a woman around all the time. but in terms of his contact with you, it is selfish of him. of course he maybe trying to make you feel better but really he needs to let you move on with your life. He should respect you, but at a distance. it's not fair of him to say that he misses you when he's the reason you're not together.
i know how unfair it feels that you have to suffer for his issues but in the end it is better that you are with someone who respects you more. you will find that person. think of this as a lesson learned. in the future you will be stronger and more clear about what kind of guy is good for you.
be strong, you will start to feel better! be kind to yourself.0THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE