HELP! My ex boyfriend is driving me crazy and I can't move on - jealous, hurt, confused :(

Hi all, I hope there are some nice people who find my question and may be able to help a little :)

I broke up with my ex 3 months ago. I ended it because he cheated on me and didn't treat me well (constantly stoned and just wouldn't wake up to himself). I was a wonderful girlfriend to him and he says himself he could not have asked for anything more. It broke my heart to leave him and although I did it knowing I couldn't go back, I think deep down I hoped one day he'd change because we were really in love.

I had a no contact rule and although his "I miss yous" and "lets talk" messages came from time to time I knew I had to be strong in not opening the door to him coming back and did not reply.

I deleted him off fb and tried to move on but it was very painful and he knew how much I had suffered in our relationship and in breaking up with him.

Within 3 weeks of us ending our 1 year relationship he met someone new...I thought perhaps it was a rebound fling and tried to dismiss it. He def met her AFTER me.I was still crying everyday and he'd moved on? Then my friend told me he had an open profile on facebook and of course I took a peek. His profile pictures were a flurry of couple pictures (in similar poses as we used to do and even one in underwear - ewww!) within a month of them dating. After 2.5 months of not seeing him (2 weeks ago) I ran into him at a local bar. He text me all night saying how much he missed me and came to talk to me an could we talk tomorrow. He called the next day and said he wanted to be part of my life, that he missed me and could not say I was not the one for him, he thought we should never have broken up and how much he too had suffered from the break up. He was very flirty and did not mention his new gf! 3 days later officially "in a relationship on facebook"...but some bizarre twists. The first is a few days before I seen him again he joined a dating website and is active on it (his girlfriend lives 4 hours away). The second is he has been messaging me in a flirty way "Get out of my head, I can't stop thinking abut you", sending me pictures of himself and making me think he wanted me back. But I know he is now on a holiday with his girlfriend (whom he has NEVER mentioned to me) and looks and sound so happy on facebook (by the way I know FB is horrible and I've sworn never to look again...I've only ever looked half a dozen times over 3 months). He really did pull on my heart strings being in contact like that and I thought he was wanting something more...his messages were not friend-friendly they were boyfriend friendly. I feel so hurt and confused and I am so jealous of his new girlfriend. She even looks like me! I feel like he is going to treat her the way I wanted to be treated and its sending me nuts. After all, I wanted to be with him, I just couldn't stand his pot smoking, skanks and whatever attitude anymore. It hurts so bad...why does he get to be happy when he was such a jerk to me? Why would he contact me if has a girlfriend and not mention it!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is just my opinion by the way. Sounds like he's one of these people who just likes to sleep with girls and doesn't want a long term relationship and sees you just as his plaything and is just acting like that to get sympathy from you in order to get in bed with you.

    Or he's trying to get back at you for breaking up with him, why else would he go so far as to flirt with you to the extent that he thinks you two are still going out, while he KNOWS he's ALREADY got a GIRLFRIEND again?

    Don't worry jerks like him in this world turn out to be homeless people on the streets who wander around aimlessly from place to place in the future.

    okay I know what iv'e said so far probably hurt you more, if it did I apologize but like I said just MY OPINION.

    Besides if he really loved you he would of changed his ways to make you happy (Like quit taking drugs) the moment or a few weeks after you two started to date, he doesn't deserve you if he treated you that way for that long and then realizes he misses you, if he didn't mention that he was the one at fault I think he definitely doesn't deserve you.

    You should just find someone else who will care and accept you for who you are, don't worry you won't stay like this forever :)

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 9

  • You really just need to move on. For one he cheated on you in the past. And now he is trying to get you back while having another girl on the side... that just sounds like a trend. Having contact with him even though you aren't over him is probably a bad idea. I think that talking to him is just prolonging the time it takes for you to get over him and it is just going to hurt more in the end.

    I was sorta in the same situation before. My ex would keep IMing me constantly and always wanted to talk. In the end she didn't mean anything by it but her IM's and texts were definitely flirty. It hurts me a lot and it still hurts in fact. I am actually looking for someone to talk about all of this, so PM me.

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  • That really sucks but be honest about this if he was really happy it wouldn't be this way.He seems like he trying to keep you on the side.Its a game and not a very nice one at that.The only thing to do is stop playing ...block his number most phones have a "do not accept from said number option".Stop looking at his facebook and torturing yourself.Being as I have been in a similar situation I know its a hard thing to deal with but you have to make the choice that your not gunna keep letting him put you through this. best of luck

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    • i think I am going to go with your idea, stop torturing myself!

  • Most guys are shady. Exscuse me... most PEOPLE are shady. Sounds to me like that guy was just out for himself. So people like you and I who accually care get screwed over in the end. Relationships are partnerships. You cannot do all the work, or none of it. You have to meet in the middle. If he/she is not willing to do that for you then move on before you get too attached. He may be happy now, but you know how fast life can change for better or worse. Maybe he really does love this new girl, and when she cheats on him he will know exactly how you felt. You never know.

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  • i have a homegirl who was in the same exact situation. she did everything for him and after time he did less and less for her. always stoned, borrowed money or had her pay for things and ditched her to hang out with me or other friends. she finally dumped his ass THEN he realized how good he had it. so nows he's tryin to talk to her while she's dating or has a boyfriend. point is, its not gonna get any better if you get back with him. ya he could change for a couple months but you know its gonna go back to the same thing. he could try to change but he's not gonna like it then he will break up with you or go cheat. don't do it woman, be strong. if you catch yourself thinkin of him just remember all the times he made you feel like sh*t. do you wanna feel like that with him again?

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    • Thanks very much :) you're right :) xx

  • ok MY direct opinion to that:

    1. drugs and whatever attitude have people I generally don't like. I hear a lot of those guys of some friends of mine. If This is their life, I would never spend their life as just a part next to that stuff (hard to describe, actually I am not english-speaking, sry fot that *gg*).

    2. You said, he cheated... For a bunch of people THIS would be the end anyway... sort of a stereotype next to "whatever-attitude". It is a total No-Go... no mercy.

    3. It would be very interesting, whether he is to the new girlfriend like he was / is to you... I mean, he was in a relationship with another girl after you (this is a fact due to his relationship status in fb while Not telling you). So maybe he is just desperate or that sort of stuff... but he really doesn't deserve you back after these 3 summarized points.

    4. Generally I cannot understand the girls who like those guys (whatever-attitude, drugs, cheating) at all... And I (if I were you) wouldn't go back... never... try to get over all this sh*t and get another boyfriend in your future, who really deserves you! And you can't say, that he is or feel alone without you (just have a look to the described pictures in fb)...

    So this was my opinion... and actually I dislike fb either, but in this case it helps to find the truth

    I hope I could help you a bit... good luck

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  • whatever reason you had to break up with him, justified or not, keep in mind that YOU broke up with him. you severed the ties. once you did that you forfeited any and all rights as a girifriend.

    you cannot have any expectations from him, his is not obligated to you in any way, shape or form.

    he made no promises that he would stay single and lonely just fer your feelings.

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  • Hi ~ I read everyone's posts. I am sorry you are hurting.

    But I think one thing I believe is true is that you can't change people and shouldn't expect to be able to do so. I see many women thinking they will be able to change their man, like a diamond in the rough type of thing, but it never happens.

    I think it is foolish to try change anybody - either accept the person as they are or find someone else. Using a breakup as a stick to try get the guy to change is a fool's strategy - it will not bring about the change you seek.

    All the posts about him being a jerk etc are just to make you feel better about moving on. Clearly he has some pull on you and unless you want your previous relationship (with all the bad) as being you permament life, then realize you cannot go back and start looking forward - who is the next love of yours going to be - what are you going to do to get stronger and happier. Good luck.

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  • Sounds like someone needs a vacation from their ex. Stop stalking your ex and being so sensitive about him being an ass and a cheater etc... Remember, you broke up with him because you decided that his charms no longer felt right to you. Forget about him. Go out and just do your own thing. Make sure to have some fun along the way. Take a vacation litetrally and gtfo out the country. Just stop dwelling on everything in general.

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  • bSimple... your ex is a jackass.. he knows he can treat you any kind of way, and you'll still be there. Stop the madness, and tell this LOSER to go f*** himself. You need CLOSURE.. What better way than to tell him to go eat a bowl of d***s!

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What Girls Said 8

  • he's not going to change. well, people do change sometimes, but they have to really want to, and it doesn't sound like he regrets his behavior towards you enough to actually do something about it.

    so don't go thinking that you're the one that's lost out. sure for the moment he might be having fun with this girl but he will treat her just the same way. I would just laugh at them if I were you and thank your lucky stars that it's her, not you, with him.

    Of course you really care about him and its hard to come to terms with the fact that someone you love cannot be quite the person you want him to be. In some ways he's great, but he's also a cheat and a druggie. those are undeniable parts of his character. and you deserve better. I think break ups are so hard when you still want to be with the person you thought you knew, but actually they don't quite exist. I've recently had a similar experience.

    Maybe he is with this girl now because he's not over you and can't stand to deal with his feelings. And they do say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. the fact that he's with her doesn't mean that he doesn't miss you or doesn't regret his actions. it's just that he is who he is and its difficult to change. some people need a woman around all the time. but in terms of his contact with you, it is selfish of him. of course he maybe trying to make you feel better but really he needs to let you move on with your life. He should respect you, but at a distance. it's not fair of him to say that he misses you when he's the reason you're not together.

    i know how unfair it feels that you have to suffer for his issues but in the end it is better that you are with someone who respects you more. you will find that person. think of this as a lesson learned. in the future you will be stronger and more clear about what kind of guy is good for you.

    be strong, you will start to feel better! be kind to yourself.

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  • He sounds like an a*hole. You did the right thing by breaking things off with him... look at what he is already doing to his new girlfriend and she probably has no clue! Doesn't it disgust you at least a little bit? He obviously only cares about himself and wants what he wants, when he wants it! He isn't mentioning his new girlfriend, because why should he? If he thinks you don't know, he will try to cheat on her just like he cheated on you. Please do your best to stay away from this scumbag! I dated a guy JUST LIKE THIS! I ended up giving him a second chance because "he made a mistake" and "missed me" and blah blah blah. Well, as it turns out, he wasn't all that sorry because I ended up catching him in bed with another girl (red-handed) only 15mins after I was in his bed. Men like this have no morals... ditch him!

    Ps- take up a new hobby or make plans with your girlfriends to take your mind off of things. Sounds like you were doing really well before you ran into him and think of it as a test. Don't let him get the best of you!

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  • You should not have deleted him you should have had closure now you can not but do not worry there is always a way over a guy look your heart is broken okay there is an old saying the quickest way over a guy is under a new one do that see if it helps do not sleep with many it should only take one and try dating other people and get over him and anytime you think of him just remember how he hurt you and how your better off and go get a massage done or something to pretty yourself up though I'm sure you don't need it

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  • Stay strong and focus on yourself. I just went through a really big break up my self. His love was not strong enough to stay so. I had to move on. Its tough . Don't put your life on hold every minute you spend focusing on your ex is a minute that's holding you back from a better future. As long as you keep thinking about it you will never be able to put your heart and mind into getting your life in order and starting a new relationship(that's if you want one)

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  • she looks like you, that's the first hint. he wants what is close to you. he seems happy on fb because he either wants to make you jealous or needs to seem happy to his girlfriend. try talking to him, it seems you've beein ignoring him a little. pull on his heart strings a little as well.

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  • wow. can we say? jerk much!? I think NO GIRL deserves that! you should put him in your past move on and don't think twice about him or what he is going to think.

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    • Thanks v much :) agreed x

  • i know how you feel but I was just brokenup with 2 days ago and I'm gonna go crazy I thought I loved him but I guess I was lying what do you think?

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  • When he's flirty and stuff tell him to quit it. You just need to stop concentrating on him, and concentrate on what more important...You. Don't sulk in his little acts. Shrug off his little comments. Have a girls night out and move on. Obviously you deserve better then someone like him. And when he finally realizes how wrong he did you, he'll have to know that you won't be there when he falls, because you'll be with the one who deserves you.

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