Why do liars promise to change but never do?

[Anonymous]

On the 2nd year of an unstable relationship, I was breaking up for these reasons:

He was being a jerk to others, had no real life aspirations, his excessive tardiness, overheard him saying negative comments about commitment and went out clubbing with his friends all day long on his only day off, canceling our date for no good reason.

When I was breaking up and literally sending him to hell (I was yelling by then; I was furious), he began to beg like crazy. He kept promising things nonstoppable, asking me to give me one last chance, that he can become a better man, etc. This went on for so long.

I must say I stupidly caved in after it seemed that he put hard effort for 4 months that we were broken up. He got back together and his changed self went on for nearly 6 months. At one point he asked me for $1,000 and sounded so convincing, said it was for our future and other things, that he was in need, etc. I stupidly gave it with the condition he would obviously pay it back.

A couple weeks shortly after giving him the money, all of the sudden he started reverting back to the selfish, jerk again. Actually he started getting worse than before. Suddenly, it was all my fault our relationship had issues, suddenly I was a joke the whole time (I had to cook at chef level and do other things in his list for him to consider commitment) and he was never in the wrong, etc. He went from jerk to straight forward cruel. I obviously broke up and he never return my money. Why do liars beg and promise to change but never do? What's up with all the begging if he never meant anything?

Updates

1 y

Then when I was crying in anger at what he was saying, he just looked at me and started laughing. It sounded like an evil laugh to be honest.
So why he did put all that fake act, why did he beg me to come back, why all the promises?

[caring__1]

The real question is why do people continue to believe others will change for them. If a liar says "I'm going to change," if you accepted the person as is, you'd know this is a lie and there will be no change. We're the ones setting ourselves up for frustration and disappointment by focusing on how we believe others should be rather than just accept them as they are. I'm not saying you need to choose to associate with them, but expecting them to change is dysfunctional. Your cat won't bark, no matter how much you believe it should bark. People often promise the moon to hold onto a person, as they've discovered words have great value.. especially to females. Stop putting so much value in the words and start evaluating behavioral patterns.

[Asker]

The thing is he would followed words with actions for 4 months during the break-up (Ex: was never unpunctual) and then an additional 6+ months when we got back together. He kept on with the act and actions for so long until I gave him the money.

[Asker]

I didn't get back with him immmediate just because of words. He did actions too but little did I know this was a ploy the whole time to get money from me.

[caring__1]

Look at long-term patterns of actions, not short-term. It sounds like he was consistently inconsistent, though he did what he needed to do to use you. We want to trust people, yet often get burned. If people have difficulty maintaining new patterns, the patterns are probably just temporary and conditional. Always choose a partner who is already what you'd like to see. Guys are not lumps of clay, eager to be molded, even if they temporarily mold themselves into what you want to see in the beginning of a relationship. You want to know what they can comfortably maintain, not what they can hold together for short periods of time.

[Guy13]

Character flaw that rarely changes. Holding of the Tongue issue…. Make sense ⁉️

[Asker]

I posted an update on how cruel he got. He laughed when I was crying in anger. I was crying because I was confused at what the hell was going on, what happened to the changed romantic, punctual man, why was he being mean and even cruel again?

[Guy13]

That's probably Narcissist with secondary diagnosis sociopath. A psychologist can give you a better explanation BUT that is what it sounds like. The attention buzz lasts longer from seeing another one in Pain emotionally rather than giving money, positiveness, and/or "nice comments/attention".

[FilmGuy93]

Because they're LIARS. They're habitually dishonest people who have discovered that being dishonest lets them solve problems in the short term.

[MCheetah]

I dunno. Why do birds only sh*t when there's things directly below them?

[Asker]

It's their nature I guess.

[TheSpaceGnome]

People don't change.

[CallmeTheKnight]

Because they are LIARS...

[Beerluvr]

They are liars

[Asker]

yes and the worst ones are the ones that don't just promise with words but also do actions (in order to not make it so obvious because he knew I wasn't going to come with sweet words) for a limited period... but it was just a ploy the whole time.

[Asker]

so it's a combination of both fake actions and words

[Beerluvr]

Well now. Someone is upset