Let's put it this way... if HE came to YOU with that same rationale, that HE wasn't responsible for breaking faith with YOU, taking part in random opportunity intimacies would YOU not hold HIM accountable for to being an 'adult'?
Does YOUR lack of SELF moderation in use of recreational intoxicants EXCUSE your opportunist behavior? Did you EVEN consider birth control and / or venereal diseases? If not, will your NEXT lament be "but don't you LOVE me?" if you're pregnant or contracted some life-changing STD.
MANY who immaturely only live 'in the moment' ... don't allow for long term consequences to limit their decisions. It felt good AT THAT MOMENT, ... but its NO LONGER that moment and clearly your boyfriend held a higher opinion of you. AND WAS WRONG. Your 'side piece' predatorily took advantage of YOUR CHOICE of circumstances. Trust once broken, can be patched but NEVER fully restored.
It does still count, unless someone forced you to drink and or spiked your drinks. You chose to put yourself in a situation where you got drunk and did drugs. Even if you didn't want to have sex, it's you fault for allowing yourself to get so out of it you got taken advantage of. I'm not saying the guy who did it isn't a piece of shit and that it's the same as cheating willingly, but I absolutely understand your boyfriend. And if you want there to be any chance for him to forgive you, you should probably promise and follow through that you're not getting yourself in situations like that.
Basically, words aren't enough. No matter how sorry you are that happened. You have to show him that you understand how much your actions have hurt him and yes, maybe sacrifice that kind of partying
Sounds to me what you are really asking is was I raped or did I cheat?
Regardless of why you were intoxicated the fact that you were intoxicated means you could not give consent and there's only one thing to say to that when you cannot give consent then yes it is rape.
Now regardless of what happened even if you were sober even if you were willing and of clear mind and even if you chose to cheat it under no circumstances gives a man the right to put his hands on you.
It sounds to me he is not the man for you regardless of your actions last night any man who turns to violence to handle any situation is not a man to be with.
You should go to a clinic have yourself examined and see what options are available to you for aftercare and pregnancy prevention.
Dump the boyfriend seek counseling hopefully you can receive some help to move forward.
@Talia808 It is a difficult situation to find oneself in. At this moment she's is in need of help advice and guidance not judgement. I am appalled by all the negative responses. Intoxication regardless of how it occurred whether self induced or drugged by another person's actions being intoxicated means a person could not give consent and if a person cannot give consent it is 100% rape. Furthermore no matter what we do the mistakes we may make or however we may upset a partner it does not give anyone any right to put their hands on another person. She needs to seek help... A woman's clinic some counseling and possibly legal advice.
People get drunk and fuck all the time. Just because they are intoxicated doesn't mean they can't consent. By your logic, every couple who gets drunk and fucks is committing rape of each other.
@Staximus its not my logic its the law. Dont like it that it up with local legislators but don't bitch if someone accuses you of rape cuz you went and had sex with her while she was intoxicated
I will never be accused of rape because I'm not a rapist, but if a drunk woman takes my pants off and jumps on top of me I'm still a rapist? You're a fucking idiot
you are 100% on right. Are u also in psychology? people do not get a person who writes a question worded like that is fragile and they could literally cause he to harm herself.. Is there a good chat room we could or I could talk to her in.
@Staximus That is not what she is saying , taking your pants off and jumping g on u is giving consent. , it's that line when a girl gets so drunk she is not conscious or not conscious enough to make out an entire sentence. If a man tries to sleep with a drunk girl who is literally dead weight, eyes shut, and finds himself having to maneuver her legs , well that is rape. Have u not seen a girl in that state, the ones we throw in the backseat of our car or have to carry out of parties. They r not capable of consenting, a donkey could f them and they wouldn't know anything except mumble cry in pain. I feel like I shouldn't have to be explaining this. Her comments are clear, and as far as this exact topic, the girl has blood on her face. Obviously she needs help.
@Staximus I think u both get there's a line, another way to look at it is if u get drunk, pass out drunk, a new alcohol, buddies mess with u not telling you only half a shot can mess u up, u take two shots. you are completely out of it, end up on ur own, and some guy rapes u from behind.
how do you know whether she gave consent, there is only one way that can or cannot be proven, was there others there, maybe he got over sexed, but if she said yes or anything like that, then consent was given, not saying it was all her or his fault, it's a known fact that some like to become physical during sex, but anyone that puts themselves in danger has to take full responsibility for themselves,
@weysally simple fact if a person in intoxicated to such an extent the person CANNOT give consent no matter if they say yes... The yes doesn't count the best thing for a person to avoid such a lawful situation is not to have sexual contact with people who are under the influence of any kind
You are an idiot why did you get high and drunk? you had a boyfriend that presumably cared about you so why did you have to drink away to feel as if you are elsewhere? If you had respect for him and yourself. Your boyfriend has all right to be angry because it is completely your fault that you got high and drunk for no justified reason, what good it is for you. Liver and lung cancer? Thus, it would be YOUR fault if you had sex with someone else. "i don't think it's my fault" why not. did someone else intoxicate you? if so go to the police.
"Hey, I was kinda drunk last night and I think I fucked your little sister twice. But I'm not sure. . . it mighta been three times if you count anal. But. . . anyway, you're not mad, are you, because I was drunk so you can't blame me?"
She not asking that. Regardless A person has a right to be mad. They have a right to walk away from the relationship they dont have the right to bloody a persons face.
@meetkitty123 I didn't read the question that way. Her question is "Does it still count?" meaning 'is it rally like cheating?'
She did also say "He is really mad at me and its scary," but she didn't say whether she is afraid that he will get violent towards her or she is afraid that he will break up with her. It's ambiguous, so let's ask her: Hey, @lauraanne02, you are afraid of a breakup coming, or afraid he will get violent towards you?
@OlderAndWiser because the most dangerous time to a person suffering from abuse is when leaving. People so often think its as easy as grabbing your keys and walking out the door and it isn't. I safety plan with officials needs to be in place. And just because you leave doesn't mean the threat its over. In actuality it hightens immensely for the first month or two after leaving. If The leaving period isn't managed correctly it can have severe consequences for the victim. She needs a support team. 14 years ago when I made my escape I had to be moved a few different times by officials the very first night figure it out where I was broken to the building set off the alarm and the cops came thankfully. But that man saw red and he would have done anything to get his hands on me and my baby. Im lucky I contacted womans certain and police before I made my run for it. And that's exactly what it is you're running for your life I left with nothing more but my baby and the clothes on my back.
14 years ago when I made my escape I had to be moved a few different times by officials the very first night he figure it out where I was he broke into the building set off the alarm and thankfully cops came. But that man saw red and he would have done anything to get his hands on me and my baby. Im lucky I contacted womans center and police before I made my run for it. And that's exactly what it is you're running for your life I left with nothing more but my baby and the clothes on my back. And even years later I have had to shake him off my trail a few times
Really sorry that happened. Without knowing more, here's what I'd say. Mistakes happen. That's part of life. You ask if it was your fault. If you chose to get high and drunk, then, yes, the consequences and actions from that are yours. I'm not judging at all, just saying that we all own what happens when we do stuff. Your boyfriend shouldn't be so mad/angry that you're scared. If you two are in a committed relationship then, yeah, I can see him being upset. I'd communicate with him. Be genuinely sorry. Work forward from it.
Uh... IT IS YOUR FAULT! First off, you screwed up by not drinking responsibly. I don't know if you were in a bar or club (that's where infidelity happens a lot of times) but if you were, that's another screw up on your part for putting yourself in that position, AND putting your boyfriend in an uncomfortable position by going to a place specifically designed to meet people of the opposite gender with alcohol involved AND where infidelity happens a lot of the times. Then you have sex with the guy. And now, you're trying absolve yourself of responsibility by saying that you were drunk. You could have avoided putting yourself in that situation, so yes it is your fault.
Would you think if your boyfriend got high and drunk and had sex with other girls, is that cheating to you?
Unless you got raped, it was cheating and if it was rape you should of reported it to the police asap, but it doesn't sound like it was. It sounds like getting high and drunk just got you to do what you wanted to do but normally would not do.
How do you not know? Even if things are foggy, there are still plenty of clues that can be gathered that allow you to determine what happened. Outside looking in, it seems like an attempt to minimize the situation.
With that said, let’s just say it out loud. You cheated on your boyfriend and your excuse: I was high and definitely drunk.
Would this be an acceptable excuse from you boyfriend if he had had sex with another girl? I will go out on a limb and say no.
by the way, it’s ok to make mistakes…. but sometimes (if not all) there are consequences.
Um that isn't an excuse tho. It still counts bc you still did it unless you were drugged and couldn't move and that would be rape and that wouldn't be your fault but if you were flirting and stuff yes that is 100% your fault u r responsible when you drink not everyone else
Imagine someone in court saying yes I killed that man but I was drunk so does it really count tho? Like it doesn't make sense you still did it and you should stop being such a irresponsible girl. Take responsibility for ur actions at least know what you did wrong!
It counts, you can explain it or apologize but yes it counts. And I don't mean to be mean but unless you were slipped something and passed out and mistreated which does not sound like the situation, being high and or drunk is something you chose so that really would not be an excuse. If you value the relationship I think you will need to apologize, cry and say you learned your lesson. If you do not value the relationship then maybe this is just helping you see that. JMO!
Sorry, but I've been drunk and regardless what people say, you do have a cognizant awareness of things. Like, i know not to drive when im drunk... so I call BS on people who say theyre so tipsy they can't remember. If youve gotten to that point, you obviously lack self control
Of course it counts. He has every right to be mad or even break up with you. If you can't control yourself when you drink then don't drink. Drinking or being high is NOT an excuse for cheating or anything else. You need to get your shit together.
Did you get drunk and high through your own actions? If so, it was your fault that you were out of control and things happened that you can’t remember. You chose that.
Note, I’m not saying that if someone victimized you at diminished capacity that they are not at fault. Their actions would be criminal, and they should suffer the consequences. …but you would also have suffered consequences of your actions. If you choose to give up control, you share responsibility for what happens.
Indeed, it was your fault and your boyfriend has all the rights to be unhappy or angry about it. I'd suggest you to break up and move on with your life because this relationship will never be same again. Once the glass of trust is shattered, you can't fix it. You should learn to be accountable for your actions.
Girl why drink or smoke to a point of losing your self consciousness? It could be dangerous otherwise. Speaking from a personal experience. If you slept with that person yeah it counts. Being drunk isn’t an excuse unless someone purposely spiked your drink than it would be a rape.
It is like drunk driving, it is still your fault if you hit someone or something. Some men might forgive you if they really love you, but he already hits you, you'll need to find someone else. Don't think he'll forgive you, even if he does, he is hitting you as you say. Do you really want a partner who hits you? Find someone who loves you.
Is that blood? Are you ok? Do u need someone to talk to. It doesn't matter if you get drunk or high, if you didn't consent, it's not cheating it is something very different, more details would be good.
Don't listen to certain other comments, I don't think they realized the circumstances. If u consented to sex with someone else it is cheating. It still gives no one the right to EVER physically harm you, and he did mean it. Do not allow yourself to be one of those weak girls. we all have strength in us, dig deep, and find that girl, the angry girl. You have to get yourself out of any environment like that. I don't know enough to feel comfortable giving you save advice. If you listen to anything on this entire app please let it be - It will continue, it will get worse, the happiness u hope for, you may get next week but only if you become unreachable to anyone who thinks it's OK to hurt you physically. If you left now, you are opening up the door to a whole world of possibilities, you could meet the most amazing man in a few days. A man that will make you feel safe, who puts you on a pedastool and treats u as a princess he would never harm or allow anyone else to harm you either. If you stay in an abusive relationship, you r guaranteeing that you will never meet that guy. Being in a abusive relationship, is probably why u r turning to alcohol and drugs, it's how many cope with the insanity of reality. You seem very younge, you can be anyone, do anything, write down the life you dream of having. Read it, start creating a action plan and make it your reality. first get somewhere safe. Do not make excuses for someone hitting you, that is what the weakest of the weak do. The fact u came on here, it means you know he meant it. It means you want out. You just maybe need support, and to hear it. Where do u live?
I know details are not easy to bring up, please go to the ER. you have no idea what could have happened, meanwhile they will help u get resources and someone to talk to so u don't have to write details on here. I'm so sorry that happened to you. it's not ur fault. I once got slipped a rufi, and years ago I had a close encounter by a ex drunk roommate. he never tried it again having a pink bedazzled gun on his head, ( part of me wanted to make him suck the end of it, but I was really scared) he moved out that night.
The real issue to address is the getting so high and drunk that you don’t actually remember what happened. That’s the scary bit! The mistakes that happen there after are just consequences of a bigger issue.
Do not worry about the world , or your boyfriend husband fiancée whatever.
You have to worry not to end up in this situation again. Do you realize that can be dangerous.. you are in a way lucky you are alive.. or have all limbs attached. Or you feel mentally stable now. Don’t be stupid , wake up and realize that this life is a bubble can go BAD any second. Screw your boyfriend.. fix your life 1st
Yes. It was your fault. You chose to get high, you chose to get drunk. And I've been drunk before, I can still make decisions. It's not an excuse, it's still a choice.
Yeah it does count. You obviously shouldn’t be fucking high. You also were the one who got drunk. You made the choices you made. It’s not his fault. He deserves better
Yes, you are responsible for your actions. Whether you are responsible for getting or not getting so wasted and putting yourself in that position or the sex. Both were your own actions and you are responsible.
Yes, it still counts. And yes, it's your fault. You broke his trust, no wonder he's mad at you. Now it's time for you to face its consequences. If your boyfriend has some dignity he's leaving you, no matter how hard you try.
I don't know what qualifies as cheated in your book but I'm thinking if you have to ask then the answer is probably yes and if that is the matter then yes it's your fault also unless date raped or something similar, people these days have to realize you are responsible for your own actions
First off, what the hell is this dark ass picture. Hell yes you cheated whether you were drunk or high. If you have sex with someone else that's cheating
Of course it is your fault. Drugs and alcohol are your fault too. You are responsible for your own actions. He should leave you and never speak to you again.
Last night I got really drunk and drove home and crashed into a pedestrian and 11 parked vehicles. It’s scary. The vehicle owners and the pedestrian are very mad and it’s scary but I don’t think I did anything wrong.
Doesn’t matter if you were High and drunk You Still said Yes when he asked for Sex. I’ve Been drunk many Times and many Times I Have Had sex knowing that’s what I wanted to do.
What do you mean "it's not your fault"? Who's fault is it? Did someone force you to get high and pour liquor down your throat to the point you got too wasted to remember what happened? Maybe it's the fault of the farmer who grew the grain that went into the alcohol you drank? LOL
So now you are claiming you were raped. Now your claim is you can remember enough of the night that you said "No" to sex, but they raped you anyway? That's VERY different than "cheating" on your boyfriend. If you were raped, you should report it.
she could be ur daughter. shame on u. she's younge, she didn't consent, then her boyfriend did that to her face. she is to young to truly know when it's counted as her fault. she needs a er. someone caring to talk to not a person saying it's cheating whenever she's scared to tell her SO something... the one who bloodied her face people forget when they are younge they actually are asking and don't know. Do u have kids. if u do. Read what she initially wrote. imagine your daughter u haven't seen hit in a abusive relationship & she is that age. would u ask 4 details. or let her go on thinking she has no value and whatever he says is right. ... Heartless
@Talia808 the question was about whether she cheated, and I said yes, being irresponsible about oneself, just doesn't take away the fact that she herself put herself in danger, what happened afterwards wasn't her fault,
If the situation was reversed and he was drunk and or high and cheated on you would you be upset? Unless it was rape you got yourself into that situation.
Of course, it counts, and he has every right to be mad at you. Maybe do something about your alcohol problem? (I would leave you over this kind of thing).
Being drunk is no excuse, you would not accept it if your boyfriend came with the same tale, Alcohol lowers the inhibitions and lets out what is already there.
If you were drunk or high by your own volition, you messed up, it's on you. On the other hand, if you were drugged or something, then you got assaulted and that's a whole other ordeal
I think you need to get some help. You sound like you're struggling with stuff and sometimes it's best to get professional help. There's nothing wrong with it.. wish you well.
*entering parent mode (even though he doesn't have any kids)
200% it was your fault. Why would you want to get drunk... and high.. if you got someone. There is no need for that or do. Why would you possibly want to do this?
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Anonymous
(25-29)
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Yes it's your fault. Don't care if you were drunk, high or whatever. Cheating is cheating.. That's my opinion. Sorry you had to go through this but a relationship without loyalty is just trash.
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