Just like cheating changes things, can getting hit also permanently altered a relationship or marriage?

[Anonymous]

Meanwhile my parents never cheated on each other (not that I know of), there used to be violence during arguments in the entire marriage. I used to witnessed most of the episodes as a kid. For years, my mother was verbal but my father was always the first to hit. He turned a verbal argument into a physical fight. She hit back once but he had the nerve to retaliate against a hit back, basically a hypocrite.

Then many years later, the tables turned and it was my mother doing the hitting sometimes and him only verbal, not retaliating anymore.. walking away. She broke the doorknob once. My father is much older by now, is forever on high blood pressure medicines (all that anger from those fights) and is told he can't react too much. My mother obviously felt no guilt for hitting him either. She was actually enjoying that revenge. She doesn't love him either... I can't blame her. Who would?

Needless to say I can't ever imagine being in a relationship, much less marriage like that. Just like when you cheat on someone, it changes everything and they will never see you the same... can that also be applied to getting hit?

Updates

1 y

The only type of ''hitting'' my boyfriend and I do is during sparring in martial arts, not in anger.
At the present moment things got settled and they're not getting along better but yes sometimes my mother throws it in his face the ''you used to hit me, you're not that great, whatever''.

Updates

1 y

they're now getting along better
So just like cheating, once violence is introduced... they obviously don't ever see you the same. They have already lowered their standards by staying with you after hitting them.

[Guy13]

If there is ever anyone who would make a great domestic violence counselor, whether in the church or secular world, it is you. Powerful post...

[Asker]

Thank you. Yes, I can't imagine the horrible impact my mother had long ago when it was the first time getting hit. I'm willing to bet, the imagine of the decent, marriage-minded gentleman got destroyed forever. Getting verbally antagonized gives no one the rights to turn that into a physical fight. No wonder she didn't feel bad when tables turned.
It seems similar to when someone that got cheated on, cheats back. They don't feel too much guilt anymore and feel as if they don't have anymore of that higher obligation to respect their partner.

[BJP21]

Yes it can, my girlfriend mentally and emotionally abused me. When it got to being physical that was the straw that broke the camels back. I never looked at her the same way ever again as when we met. Communication went out the door, I had to walk on egg shells around her out fear the next thing out of my mouth could potentially get me hit. Its no way to live under any circumstance.

[Asker]

Exactly. Even if the person forgives, there is no way they're going to just sweet it under a rug and forget it ever happened. The moment you hit them (regardless of how remorseful they are afterwards), your partner's image of you is shattered. Then by the time they finally start hitting back, they don't feel bad at all, they feel as if they got nothing to lose anymore nor care about you by then. Even if you stopped hitting them for the longest, they're still seen as ''the person with violent tendencies'' forever in their minds.
Personally I wouldn't put up with getting cheated nor hit. I don't ever give 2nd chances on that. 1st time is an out the door for me.

[Asker]

When my mother was the hitting my father, she didn't care anymore. She had long lost respect for him by then. She criticizes him on many things and has long stopped dedicating songs for him. They get along better by now but she sees him as any flawed man that's found anywhere, as someone with loose morals, with no true values.
During her revenge smacking and punching him on the shoulders saying ''I hate you, I hate you, you used to hit me, you ruined my life, I hate you''.

[BJP21]

You become numb to being hurt anymore than you already have. I have no more tears to even shed from being hurt so much. I even had to relearn how to trust again.

[Anonymous]

Hit me and we are done, right then and there. I don’t give two shits if you feel remorse. Hitting is not the solution

[Asker]

That's also my stance. The only single physical contact/hitting my boyfriend and I do is during sparring in our Judo class; for sports. Not in anger.
Yeah if I ever got seriously hit in a relationship or marriage, I'm done too. I had enough of watching my parents warzone and dysfunctional marriage. Two things I won't ever tolerate is getting cheated on and getting hit.

[LimitedBenefits101]

Sometimes hitting will get the point across🤷

[Asker]

So every single time you have an argument, hitting is the only option? Personally I don't ever want to have a dysfunctional marriage like that where both of us hit each other.

This is just me but if my boyfriend ever hits me outside of sports (we sparred in Judo) and does it in anger, it's over for me.

[Asker]

Also if your partner or wife/husband is so antagonistic to the point you want to hit them, then you need help too. Hitting them is not the answer.

[In_Trance]

yes it can