Why can't I fall in love with my current boyfriend, who is decent?

[Anonymous]

My own mom can't understand how I fell in love with my ex boyfriend, whom she hated and has done nothing good for me. He ended up being a PUA (pick-up artist, a scammer).

Yet, she can't understand why I can't feel the same thing for my current boyfriend whom she and all my family members adore. She was like ''I don't understand, you fell in love and gave your heart to some garbage and you can't do the same for your current boyfriend. I feel bad for him''.

Why can't I come to passionately loving him? I don't feel it. Yes, he is decent, we get along, no arguments, no drama, is a serious man, is the ideal one to form a family with but for some reason I don't feel sexual attraction nor passionate love towards him.

[D_Bone_Steak]

First of all... props to you for being a female and actually knowing what a PUA is. I wonder if you know what MGTOW or redpill is as well... but that's beside the point.

I would say this guy just doesn't give you the butterflies and the high of that particular drama that females seem to be really attracted to... dare I say, he bores you? Like my wife did with her ex, you might notice he's fake and really something else. It could be you as well... just burned out on the idea of men. I would ask you to consider if you're just going through the motions of having a dude, but not really into it or wanting it like you did before. I know I'm not really providing answers here, but just some things to think about is sometimes a way to find the answer.

[Asker]

Yes it means men going their own way. That's the single men that want nothing to do with dating at all. Redpill are the ones with bad experiences. My PUA ex boyfriend also took money from me and never paid it back. He wanted to go after both my grandma's rents and dad's properties. I'll be honest, I actually shocked to hear there are certain men out there that go further than just getting sex; they will continue with the game and go for money too. In my mind I was like ''what, men going after our money too, what the hell''? They do exist too.

[Asker]

The fact that he also wanted money, it actually made me worse. I felt as if I was basically a commodity to him the whole time, a means to an end, not even loved as a human. Indeed I felt used in every single way, emotionally, physically and financially. I think that has got to be a major insult overall.
At this point, I actually do like my current relationship. While it might not bring me butterflies in my stomach, it brings me peace and happiness. We haven't had a single argument and I like things that way so far.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Oh yeah... if you have money a guy will go for that too. I'd seduce Opera in a hot minute. Men get seduced all the time for the same reasons and just go with it out of emotion, but I will assume you know all that because you know what MGTOW is... it's like their primary reason for going MGTOW.

If you like your current situation but not feeling love, that is normal. Love doesn't happen instantly, but infatuation is often mistaken for being love. Infatuation and love are confused too often. Different feelings and one dies faster than the other. Love is built over a time period... the oxytocin vs. vasopressin argument.

[serious]

Okay first of all if I may ask how long has it been since you are in a relationship with your boyfriend?

The fact that you are unable to love him the way he deserves to be loved can only mean that he is not physically attractive to you. I mean given by your info, it seems he has a great personality. He seems to be a serious, mature man who treats you well and never plays any mind games or anything like that which is great.

In that case, what I can assume it must be his physical looks and chemistry or whatever people calls that. It seems you are not really physically attracted to him. It is also possible that your boyfriend is too straightforward, too upfront and he never uses any pick lines even with you and he must not be a very romantic who talks to you in a romantic way.

That's what I can think off, given the limited info you have given.

If what I am saying is not applicable then it seems only you know what the truth is.

[Daniela1982]

Probably, from what I have seen, girls only fall for bad boys, and I really can't see the attraction. It's one of life's mysteries. But if the guy is a good, decent man, no one seems interested. That might also explain the divorce rate, all the single mothers, and fuck boys being able to operate. They just say what women want to hear, and are experienced at being smooth and charming - at least at the start.

[Asker]

Yes my ex boyfriend was a smooth talker; he lied about wanting marriage and kids and lovebombed me to the point that I thought we were soulmates. It was horrible. He got me when I was virgin.

[Daniela1982]

Sadly, there is no penalty for some of this stuff unless the girl get's pregnant. Then he could be responsible for child support. But how many of these guys actually pay child support is the real crime. There are a whole lotta dead beat dads out there.

[Asker]

My ex boyfriend actually took my youth years and nearly destroyed my fertile years too. He was going to keep the game going until I could no longer get pregnant. I got out and can still get pregnant but now I have a limited time to form a family. I'm still childless.
This ex boyfriend... I think he is even worse than the players that get into our pants and leave. He took money for me (way over $1000) and never paid it back. He was after my father's properties and grandma's rents. He used to ask how much money does my father earns on his apartments.

[Daniela1982]

Yep, sounds like he was trying to scam someone.

[misfittoy]

sounds like you are attracted to the bad boy type, not the nice guy type

[Asker]

But it's bad for my health and mind. Plus they won't give me commitment and kids, what I want the most. They are like an addictive chocolate, bad for your health.

[misfittoy]

i know, but for some reason thats what you are attracted to

[Asker]

and now I'm just going after commitment and kids. I'm trying to fall in love with him. I want to.
My horrible ex boyfriend lied about wanting kids and marriage. The thing is those bad types are the smooth talkers, they do and say the things we want to hear. They pretend to be decent and romantic in the beginning; it's like they've practiced seducing women all their lives. It's horrible and by the time, we realized he's full of BS and won't marry us, he already drained us.

[misfittoy]

with your boyfriend, have more romantic dates, like go dancing, go to a nice dinner and talk,, hang out with him do stuff together, maybe you just need to get to know him more then you do

[Asker]

thank will do all that more.. will think of creative dates too

[loveslongnails]

Why bother asking why? You either do or you don't, and you don't. You can't talk yourself into it. No one knows the "why this one and not that one" when it comes to attraction! It's a universal mystery and the answer isn't on GAG. The only place you even have a chance of finding the answer is deep within yourself.

Good luck, sincerely.

[Asker]

I think it's because I'm perhaps not being creative on dates. I'll try to be more creative and see if that helps.

[loveslongnails]

Huh>? ummm, NO. What does THAT have to do with your lack of passion and lack of sexual attraction to the MAN himself? A more "creative" date would only distract from the real issue. If you were attracted and passionate about HIM, you wouldn't need anything fancy, you'd just want to be with HIM doing anything!

[abc3643]

One of the sad, but true, facts of life is that we can't control attraction like this and perfectly good partners are just people we are not enthused about.

I am speaking from experience from being on the losing end of this... more than once.

If you have been with your current boyfriend less than a year, give it more time. But, if after a year, you are not feeling it, consider moving on.

Meanwhile, watch "Sleepless In Seattle".

[Asker]

We've been dating for nearly 11 months. I want to believe I'll fall in love with him one day.

[abc3643]

Believe it or not, but you might have to break-up to discover that you already are. Then you will get back together and understand. That's why the first brokenheart is the most transformative event in a person's life.

[Anonymous]

This video will probably explain it better for you. You're probably not aware of your toxic choices.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Hvysy11716g

[Noahzaid]

Because women always like trashy men, I don’t know if science backs this up but I grow to realize this.

[Asker]

They lied and pretend to be decent and romantic. My ex boyfriend threw the ''I want marriage and kids one day'' line and that is what got me hooked up. He didn't started trashy. My mother used to like him in the beginning. He then started hating him after 5 months.

[Noahzaid]

Okay but all decent men offer this, but it never worked out for them.
Thus my conclusion that women basically like trashy men.

[Zenit93]

Love is often irrational. This isn't indicative that you just want someone who treats you like shit. It just means that this man doesn't stimulate you. There are good men out there that can excite and stimulate you in the way you seek.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Sexual attraction is based on looks, it has nothing to do with that other stuff. You need that other stuff, but you also need sexual attraction. Settling for one or the other won't work.

[JPresidente]

Maybe you like the bad boy types and the ones that are controlling and you don't want an easy going simple guy.

[Asker]

But in the one, the types like my ex boyfriend aren't going to commit nor give me kids.

[JPresidente]

Those dudes typically don't, you are right. I think deep down you want a dominant guy who will take charge, control you to some degree and make you pine after him rather than a teddy bear guy who will take care of you and protect you. Some people refer to them as "Chads" but they are Alpha guys who are pretty selfish and carefree.

[Asker]

The thing is some of those Chads pretend to be charming and decent in the beginning. When we met, he never told me ''I don't want marriage'' nor ''commitment sucks''. He actually lied and said ''I want marriage and kids one day'' and was romantic in the beginning. He got me when I was a virgin.

[JPresidente]

That's what they do. They will say or do anything to get you into bed and then move on to the next conquest because they know with their looks they've got women in line or can get women in line to be with them. They'll do this for quite some time and may never settle down because they don't want the hassle. They just wanna get laid.

[JPresidente]

I used to date a woman who only wanted Chad's. She dumped me because that's the type she was attracted to. I think it had to do with daddy issues but that may not be the case with every woman. She eventually settled down. I don't know if there is a magic pill unfortunately to stop you from riding this train but I'm no therapist... lol

[Asker]

The thing is he didn't dump me even after sex. So in my mind, I was thinking ''if he doesn't dump me after sex, he's good''.. wrong. They can keep the game even after sex. He kept the relationship going on for so long until using me for money too. He never paid my money back.

[JPresidente]

This dude is a real piece of work. Used you for sex and took your money. What a loser. This is what makes men look bad to a lot of women. Sorry this happened to you. Sometimes it’s hard to spot these guys ahead of time.

[Asker]

Yeah they can be hard to spot. Honestly I found it quite shocking that certain men also can use us for money. He was after my grandma's house and our wealth. Those types sound beyond the typical player type that uses women for sex and is gone right away.
Now I'm focusing on working on progressing my current relationship. I want to fall in love with him.

[JPresidente]

I hope you are able to love this new guy. Seems like a solid respectable guy.

[TroyDT2]

"Fall in love" is emotional / chemical. Try choosing to take "love" actions and you will understand.

[Anonymous]

It's simple. You love shitbags type of Guys and not quality boyfriends. It's what you're attracted to.

[Asker]

Yet in the end, I can't be with them. It's bad for my own health, my mind and he won't give me children, which is what I'm aiming for. So in the end, I have to make the better choice, regardless of feelings.

[Asker]

I'm willing to stay with someone I'm not in love with for peace and security.

[Opinion Owner]

That opens up opportunities to cheat on a good man. I suggest you spare him. One of you Will get hurt sooner or later.

[Asker]

I don't care about infatuation at this point. Physical attraction and ''the butterflies in my stomach'' is short-lived anyways. Everyone will age eventually. I can live happily not being in love but loving in a different manner; the adult mature love.

[Opinion Owner]

Well at least you're aware how these things work, so I give you big credit for that.

[Asker]

Thanks. I've never cheated on man ever and I think that's someone of low character overall. Even if you're not in love with the person, that's still not an excuse to cheat.

[Opinion Owner]

That's good to hear. I have mostly the same viewpoint about cheating and it's generally despicable.

[boggboss]

Why are u with him when u don't like him lol

[Asker]

I want to form a family

[boggboss]

Would u be happy if a guy felt the way towards u how u feel towards your partner all your doing us building a family on a shitty foundation when u have kids u think they won't notice u don't live there daddy lol

[Asker]

Well I do like him. I enjoy his company and our dates. I'm just not in love with him.

[boggboss]

Again u think your family will be stable with u not loving your partner nice

[FilmGuy93]

Lack of self worth.

[Anonymous]

What size is his penis?

[Asker]

I don't know. I haven't even had sex with him nor see him naked.

[Opinion Owner]

Finding out may help or make things worse

[Asker]

But we're actually doing the waiting till marriage approach (suggested by him)

[Opinion Owner]

What if you find out on wedding night that he has a micro penis?

[Asker]

I don't care at this point about that. I want a kids and stability.