Gave her space, what to do when she's back?

[Maybe_1day]

My girlfriend of 3 years recently asked for space. I've given several times but couldn't control myself and kept texting. But this time I seriously have given her space and haven't bothered her since 5 days now. What I'm more concerned about is that, when she is back from her space, how do I approach if she initiates contact? How do I react, respond? Do I remain blinded for the issues that has happened (mostly my fault) or do I start speaking about them?
Or do I just wait for her to open it up first?
Man I hate these turn backs after space, because often they start of being cold (Meaning they aren't that warm straightaway) especially girls pls help!
What do I do?

[quaranta]

By what you say, it looks like you had a huge argument, because of something you did, so now she feels confused and needs space to recover any faith in this relationship. You mention previous times where she needed space and you didn't give her any, so I assume you argue really often and that you don't handle it well.
If you argue so hard, and you don't trust each other enough to communicate problems smoothly, then probably the relationship is at its end. Needing space is an extreme measure she is taking, where any other solution works. It means she cannot trust you when it comes to discuss a problem or to be respected while feeling bad, with her problems addressed, but rather, she needs to avoid you. You have a really poor communication, proof is also that even if you are with her from 3 years you are seeing her like a completely unknown person, not knowing how to talk with her anymore, and resorting to what "girls" do usually, clueless about how she works in particular.

If you come back together each time only by "forgiving" each other, saying "sorry", missing each other and waiting that things settle back to normal, then that is not bound to work for long. After such big issues you need to resolve each problem with agreements and techniques to avoid repeating similar things the next time. Forgiving makes you stop being angry at each other, yes, but it doesn't fix the trust. Trust breaks for a variety of reasons (and it's not only referred to fidelity, it's about anything that can cause hesitation, fear, walking on eggshells, disconnection), and it never recovers in a couple of weeks, it usually takes many months or years.
That is because you can't erase the memory of what you learnt your partner is capable of (supported by facts, much stronger than words), even by 1 mistake only, and the more mistakes are repeated the more the feedback solidifies for way, way longer.

You need to work on these problems, navigating them together, addressing each other's feelings and needs, and resolving the situations with a plan and an agreement at the end, about what you both have to work on (or only you if you say it was your fault).
If an argument doesn't finish with that, then it's never resolved, and it will accumulate, stacking to the rest.
Sometimes the load of negative feedbacks becomes too heavy, the hooks break, the relationship ends. Since she is willing to be back talking to you, then use this chance to completely invert the style of your relationship, or at least to attempt to, instead of just being patient until she comes back to normal.

[Maybe_1day]

Thanks for this lovely text. It really does mean a lot. To be honest, we have indifference in the area of communication. For example I'm a type who wants the solve the issue, discuss or communicate soon as the issue is there.. if I can, I'd wanna fix it. But she's the opposite. She likes to not talk or interact couple days until she has cooled off, and then wants to speak it. But the problem is, even if she cools of to discuss it after 3 days for instance, she doesn't mention. I ask saying "Aren't we supposed to speak and fix the issue so that it don't pop up later on"... she says she has forgotten about it, because she doesn't like to think of things she doesn't wanna remember. Therefore she eliminates it. Taking space from me couple times because of these issues were these reasons. I wanna fix, she delays. I end up losing my temper, she backs off. And that's when I find myself in confusion. I take it in me. It remains for such a long time that in any argument it starts coming out again. Why? Because it wasn't dealt with on it's time.

[quaranta]

That can't work this way, she must really cooperate to discuss issues. She must understand where the relationship is going if she doesn't change about this, and how problems accumulate with time, not just "come back". On the other side, she should also feel safe to communicate, knowing you are a nurturing figure who welcomes discussions without judging too much and who doesn't overreact. If she saw bad reactions other times, she won't of course want to communicate at any time, because she "knows": So that's where you have to work on instead. Maybe the first agreement you should find with her is about how to communicate, before even addressing any problem itself...

[Maybe_1day]

Well hopefully when she does come. When I violated last time in 5 days... she said u don't allow me to heal first. And I wish u understood why I wanna take space. U wouldn't of ask me now how long etc. Coz she is a bit stubborn so I know she's saying a month, but at the same time she's testing to see if I am gonna respect her space this time. The hard thing is. In two weeks time it's her birthday. And of course I am confused if I should text or not that day because I don't wanna violate her space once again.

[DaveJord]

You absolutely do not contact here until she contacts you first. And you should have no expectation that she ever will contact you again... so you probably should start moving on. The whole "I need space", thing is bull shit to me. It's like one of the most selfish approaches out there.

There is the issue within the relationship, and instead of working on it together she needs space. She is saying she not sure you are worth it man. She is saying she is not sure how she feels about you.

Which means she is not in love you with, because if she was then she would be talking to you right now. Trust me it's a toxic situation, she wants space because she is tried foo the anxiety, she is having in the relationship, and her not being present is creating anxiety for you. Trust me my man it's not meant to be, you her you are think how you should approach this when she comes back... maybe she isn't and that's better for. Move on my man, true love is not this complicated. She may not be the one, you just want her to be, and that probably the real issue.

[Guy13]

You failed Test. There are forthcoming consequences. Good luck surviving it. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[KrakenAttackin]

Bro, your relationship is over. Girls ask for space when they have found another guy and want to see if they can make it work with him. She keeps you as a fall back.

Move on.