Will he come back if I give him space?

[Anonymous]

I have/had a very good 'friend'. We weren't together and live far apart but we talked on the phone every night and acted as though we were in a long-distance relationship. And we have slept together. He came down to visit me before Xmas and we had an amazing weekend. Then he went home to his family and we talked a bit for the first couple of days but not much. He sent me a lovely message on Xmas day. When I knew he was back I tried ringing him. No answer. He tried the next day and it cut out so I rang and rang (we often have phone issues so I thought it was crappy signal - I always ring a lot and it doesn't phase him). I got a text later that evening saying 'bloody hell 20 missed calls, that's bad, I'll ring you tomorrow'.

He never rang. I left a voice mail the next day asking him to ring. He didn't. I left it 5 more days then texted saying I really needed to talk to him. Nothing.

So yesterday I sent a message (after trying to ring a couple of times) saying 'I don't know what has happened or why you don't wanna talk to me, please remember whatever it is you can tell me. We've always sworn to be honest with each other and talk about things. I don't wanna lose my friend. Your friendship is more important to me than anything and I don't want anything else from you. If spending the weekend with me etc was a bit too much I understand but please tell me so I can stop guessing 'cause I am so confused'.

Needless to say - still nothing.

I just don't get it...we weren't even in a relationship but have always been really good friends. He was the one wanting to act like a couple with me when he came down and has always made me talk about my emotions and said I could NEVER scare him off. He also said we should talk to each other to maintain our friendship if we met someone else. He always made out our friendship was the most important thing and that he'd 'never sleep with me again if it meant not losing me as a friend'.

I just don't get it...I miss him massively but not like an ex I just broke up with...like I'd miss my friend. We'd made plans for me to go and visit him and to get each other birthday presents etc and he has some stuff of mine that I need back. And it is literally like he has just dropped off the face of the earth. My ex just disappeared on me and this guy was furious saying 'what an idiot, he has no backbone, I'd never treat someone like that'.

What do you think is going on in his head and do you think he'll get in touch if I just give him some space now?

[DaveMicharl69]

I hadn't slept with my friend, & she USED to live close to each other, but I recently went through something like that when my best friend moved across the country. Just when I was the most desperate & wondering what I could POSSIBLY do without my best friend, :( she called all excited & apologetic, saying she had lost her phone, & was ecstaticly happy to be back in her home town, but she MISSED ME! :) I dunno... Maybe something was going on where he wasn't in the best mood, or it was an awkward time for his phone to blow up, but if your friendhsip's as special & close as you say, I'm SURE he'll be back! Good luck!

[kentpaul]

He may or may not come back. I was in a sort of similar situation with a friend of mine. In retrospect, she may not have considered me as good of a friend as I considered her. In any case, it's been more than a year and I gave her her space and she's never acknowledged my existence since. It was really hard at first, but as with everything else, I eventually reconciled myself to the idea that she was gone forever... with no explanation as to why.

[Usemyname]

Same happened to me. I just want closer. I'll always love him as a friend but he wouldn't make eye contact with me for a while. He just started talking to me agian but its always brief little insignificant comments. Nothing like what he used to say. I'm sorry. Just hang in there. Only time will tell, but hopefully it hasn't spoken yet.

[marcusx]

Strange. Impossible to explain unless he tells you himself. I am guessing something happened during that weekend. You may not have taken it seriously but it may have had a big impact on him. Try to think back. Otherwise, he may have a new girlfriend. Or he has some problems he feels he can't discuss with you. Life is complex and you never know what's around the corner. Maybe he is going through a difficult phase. Ya, give him some space.