I feel like my boyfriend feels trapped since I’m pregnant, do I just give him space?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend have been together a while and he was happy I was pregnant. But since it’s gotten very real he seems to be ignoring me. I don’t know how I’m handling it so well. He’s ignored me for 1 week so far and I can tell that he’s rebelling against the idea. He’s being crazy and saying that he wants to sleep around and dosent want anything serious right now and this has all happened since I’ve been pregnant. He’s young and he’s always been a commitment phobe but it hurts the fact he’s ignoring me. The last message I sent was me confessing my love and excitement for the baby and I’ve gotten no response.

I know it’s a BIG thing for a man to deal with it’s a whole child. But I feel like he’s starting to resent me? It’s way past the point of me getting an abortion I would not do that also because I can do this alone but I don’t know what to do here? Do I beg for his attention and force communication more or just let him be?

he is very emotionally immature and I know I made a big mistake with the person I chose to have a baby with because he is very very emotionally immature. He can’t handle things and he seemed to be warming to the idea and now he’s ghosted again? This happened before he ghosted me then came back and I feel like it’s repeating itself? The last text I sent was a massive paragraph expressing myself and I’m afraid it’s scared him away? I guess I’m just asking what do I do here do I carry on trying to speak to him or do I give him space? I don’t want him to feel more trapped than he already feels.

Updates

11 mo

He really was keen on the idea at the start and it’s like his emotions are going up and down and he’s ignored me like this before but it hurts the fact he’s not even checking on me and the baby

[lightbulb27]

Welcome to adulthood. You're in a real pickle here... and not the only one sadly, because people aren't following old tried and true processes to secure a male prior to making offspring. Live and learn! There's an unfortunately large pool of selfish child men running around with "I just want to feel good" attitude without character, responsibility, maturity. For some reason, you were attracted to him.

So no, you don't let him be because he's going to go sperminate another female and then you got nothing.

There isn't much you can do, but you can try... he has to do the "doing" and decide to grow up. What's happening is he "wants to", as you noted, but then he thinks about it and it feels scary, maybe ashmed... and he runs right back to his place of comfort, being a brat.

So this is extra hard on you because you have to be he adult, guide the relationship, and try to make something of it... while at the same time, you are in need of support more than ever. I hope you have family or friend support.

So the forumla I'd suggest is continue the positive messages and work on feeding him respect, hope, indicate how important he is to the well being of the child emotionally. Realize you probably feel good and he feels awful right now and wants medicated. Respect is a great medication.

Therapy would be fantastic idea, or mentoring around other mature guys. If you can get him back in the loop, watch videos and talk about all this development. Confession, being honest, forgiveness, facing the stress with courage... and dealing with his broken past, is all healthy stuff... if he decides to step up rather than medicate (e. g. drugs, chasing chicks, etc..)

Again, really hard on you because your emotions will swing and you can't always be nice so easily. Tough job. I wish you well so the child (s) turn out the best!

Honestly... he should be out here...

[ohsheeT]

How about you. Were you happy. And now? How far along are you

Do you still act the same as you did before you got pregnant. Or do you act like your pregnant lol. Well you know what I mean after you have dinner tonight go for a walk go get some ice cream
He doesn't feel trapped he feels different because everything just changed
Snap him out of it do something fun and together.. text him flirt with him tease him you both need fresh air together. Never stop growing together. If you do 1 will always feel out of place you don't want that

[Screenwriter]

Well, it sounds like you already know the situation and the answer. Leave him alone.

Perhaps he will warm to the idea later. But know this: If he doesn't, start making your own plans. You've already admitted you might've made a mistake in choosing this man because of his immaturity.

Don't stress yourself during this time. You're happy about this. Enjoy your happiness. If he isn't, there's nothing you can do. Take care of yourself, go to your checkups, eat and sleep well. This is early in the pregnancy, and later on you'll be tired and grumpy from NOT getting enough sleep and being uncomfortable.

Enlist aid of your family and friends to carry you through. If you need to, talk to a counselor to get support. Or a minister or teacher who knows you well.

Take it slow and take it easy. There will be many new demands on you after this child is born. Take it day by day and play the lottery for fun! Kisses and good luck.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

He’s not going to know how you feel unless you tell him, I agree he’s very emotionally immature and it might be time to ask if he even wants the kid in his life at this point. Give him an out, say he can sign away his parental rights so he won’t owe you child support and never have to see the kid again. As for you, I don’t know if single parenthood is what you want or if you would rather give the baby away for adoption either public or private if you don’t feel prepared to raise the baby yourself, but it should be a possibility you start preparing for if things continue as they are

[Xoxocutekitty]

When somebody walks into a restaurant, eats a bunch of food, and then has difficulty coming to terms about paying the check, management doesn't "give them space."

No they confront that person to use all their cards, call a friend to help pay, call security to escort them out and blacklist that person from coming back.

Now, having a baby is 1 million times more high stakes. The man doesn't need time, he needs to step up. If his parents/mother reasonable, negotiate with her to figure it out since I bet they/she cares a whole lot more about that grandchild than it's own father does who needs to think about it.

[definitelyNotHer]

Like you said, this man is very emotionally immature and is trying to opt out of having to deal with the consequences of his actions. Give him a day to relax and think and then try and talk to him again. This wasn't just your doing, so regardless of what situation you want for the baby- whether that's raising it with this man (again, strongly recommend you don't), getting an abortion, or raising it by yourself with child support, this guy needs to quit being a child and act like an adult. Don't let him off easy, express what you need from him.

[DollAlone]

Id honestly get an abortion if i wasn't too far along. Cause unless you're okay with raising this child alone, it is a big mistake. Im not calling your baby a mistake im calling the whole pregnancy a mistake that isn't fair to the child once he or she comes into the world. The boyfriend should have thought about those things before he had unprotected sex. And you should have reminded yourself how emotionally immature he was before you had unprotected sex. The baby will not make him grow up, it will not make him a good father and if he is ignoring you while you are in an emotional and vulnerable not to mention hormonal state right now what do you think he is going to do when there is a crying baby all hours of night and poopy diapers and you with weight gain and messy hair? I feel bad for you. He sounds like a douche

[DarkWinterNights]

If he’s young, he’s probably just panicking. He may have stumbled on some red-pill stuff that’s really giving him a lot of doubts. It won’t be easy, and you both have to equally commit, but having a child is the fastest way to mature and grow up. Your biggest thing to focus on is communication. Giving him some space is good, but he needs to come around and you need to come to an understanding on how the two of you are going to do this. Provided he’s not a total dumb ass he’ll probably warm back up to it when the baby arrives.

[nawtee_me]

One, did you all plan on this baby or did it just happen? Birth control or not? Everything will change when he holds the baby for the first time. It did for me. I had doubts…. There was no instruction manual to be found no matter how or where I looked. I wasn’t sure if I could be a good father or not… I am sure he is thinking the same thing. The real thing is if you were not on birth control and if he knew it and didn’t use a condom. He may feel that you trapped him into this and there will be resentments if he does.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Exactly what I was thinking. I heard her mention her choosing to have a baby, but I don't see the part where he chose it

[Asker]

No I wasn’t on birth control, he did know I wasn’t on birth control but he didn’t care. This wasn’t planned at all id never plan for a baby at 23 I always said 27 is the perfect age. He is 27 so I did think he’d be quite mature about it. I didn’t PURPOSLEY trap him but I just am against abortion. He seemed so happy at the start and he always said he loves me and since last week he’s just went completely silent on me and I do think he’s scared off the idea again

[Asker]

We have been arguing recently too and I think he’s realised that he won’t have that freedom anymore and since our argument of him not sticking to plans and being responsible I feel like it’s made him realise how much responsibility it will be

[nawtee_me]

I completely agree with you on being against abortion. So you both knew the risk and you got pregnant. That happens... But now neither of you can really run from it. I think he will come around once the baby is born if not before when he sees the ultrasound pics. If he is around when the baby starts to kick let him feel it. Those thing got me on the right track quick... I fell in love with him before he was born.

[DizzyDesii]

I remember when an ex and I thought I was pregnant and his whole demeanor and mindset shifted. I told him he can bounce. I will always prepare to become a single mother someday because you never know how folks will switch up these days. All you can do is work, save up and keep that backup plan. Dont let this man stress you out. Focus on you and the kid and tell him he can bounce if he truly ain't bout it. Coparenting exists for a reason

[Pyrofox]

I feel like your a little jumping to conclusions and like maybe your baby momma in progress biological chemicals are a little out of wack. Cause this sounds simply like a case of bad cause of just excess anxiety. As to why he didn't respond it depends on the time of day you sent it and if he's working. Or sleeping in which case its pretty clear why he hansn't replied. I'd say just spend time on focusing on work or your intrests and get your mind off of him.

[Sasha0426]

But, why is he telling her he wants to sleep around?

[neesa]

I don’t think she’s jumping to conclusions, he literally said he wants to sleep around which is so weird

[MementoMori777]

i was on board with you about giving him space and all until you said that he said that he wanted to sleep around and stuff, personally i can't just ignore that and i hope not but i believe if he doesn't want this child he will cheat on you on purpose or something else to get rid of you, i hope he really is just bad with emotions and he's just trippin out.

[CallmeTheKnight]

It takes two people to tango. He’s not the only immature person in this scenario. To be honest, if he’s being a dick and wants to sleep around, that should be reason enough to see him for who he is. You haven’t accepted that yet and confessing your love is not gonna help, but make you look crazy to him.
Im not sure if he’s your actual boyfriend or not because you mentioned he’s afraid of commitment and he’s treating you like some fling. It’s a lesson learned
Just look at

[Asker]

I know I know. I just felt emotional and wanted to confess how I feel , I knew I’d get no reply but I wanted to confess my feelings since my gut told me that we won’t speak again for a while after he’s been acting this way. I guess for my son I wanted things to work so desperately but instead it’s pushing him further away and wanting to see loads of other women. I am stupid but I did not know he was like this, until I announced my pregnancy it was only then people came forward and told me the way he is as a person with women and how he can’t commit

[midnightmoon05]

You decided to not protect yourself from a boy who is not going to commit. Good luck. Get rid of him…he is a child man.
I hope you raise this kiddo to be a real man/woman unlike that sperm donor.

[spiritGirl13]

Let him be. When he wants to come around he will. You just focus on what you have going on in your life right now. This is understandable because you’re not married and things like this usually happen. So know there are many women out there just like you. But be the one who learns from the mistakes and move on. Leave that man alone. But if need …place child support

[StrangerSwotto]

It would have been a better idea to get married before you have sexual intercourse.

Now I guess the best thing you can do is to test your boyfriend's attitude towards the baby and you and if you don't approve his attitude, aborting may be a good idea.

[Miristheiss]

Did you two plan to get pregnant and you got pregnant on purpose?

Is this just some accident? Two people hooking up and "oops" pregnant?

[Asker]

No it was an accident. At the very beginning he was happy? Then he switched up again, then he was happy and helping? Now he’s completely ignoring me and it’s like I can sense his fear. I can’t even simply rely on him for him to turn up to see me on time

[Miristheiss]

There is no advice I have for that. He may bolt. This is a chance you take when you have kids outside of marriage.
Other than trying to have a heart to heart, lay all your cards on the table discussion with him and to try and coax him to tell you the truth about how he feels about all of this and what his intentions are there isn't a lot else you can do except seek your family for support and focus on the child.

[Anonymous]

He should've either wore rubbers or learned the art of the pullout method. He's freaking out because your pregnancy is now a reality and he simply cannot handle it due to his immaturity. If I were you, I'd turf him however he still will need to take responsibility with child support.

Good luck and may the force be with you 😉👌

[DermalPunch]

I know this is going to come off judgy but why would you become pregnant for a man that you have no legal ties to and has actually no real obligation to you and your unborn fetus?

[DermalPunch]

Anyway, you need to leave. Period.

[joesheks]

And this is a textbook case as to why folks should date a potential partner for 2 years for deciding to marry and why you don’t sleep with said person before marriage. Now another innocent child will have a crappy childhood.

[boggboss]

Not much I can do if at any moment he will just decide to ghost u

[Asker]

I know, I just feel like it’s my fault maybe I put loads of pressure on him I don’t know. I mean a baby is a big thing but he knew this 4 months ago

[boggboss]

The only way I would say its your fault is having a kid with a child

[acidburnone]

give him some time to process the whole thing! if he doesn't come around tell his parents, they will set him straight

[Staximus]

Good luck. You had a baby with a

https://www.youtube.com/embed/THdXAkKPq_w

[Staximus]

You didn't need a baby but you had one with a piece of shit anyways. Go take a class on how to not make poor life decisions because you clearly don't know. Start thinking with your brain instead of your vagina.

[Iron_Man]

What a loser, prepare yourself to get yourself an attorney to get that child support at the highest level