My boyfriend says no one else would want me. What should I say back to him?

[josie]

I'm really upset. When I asked him the reason why he told me that, he said it was just a joke. But it doesn't seem as a joke to me :(

[DaveJord]

Nah, that's not something to joke about... No guy truly would want to be with a woman he honestly thought nobody else would want. If that was true, then really its more of a statement about how pitiful he is. So obviously it's not true, but it's not funny either.

I had a girl a few weeks back who was acting like a screw ball and called her out on it. She told me that she has men who are 10 years young than her who are giving her attention... I was like really? Why would you say that? I guess that explains why your 42 never married and still single... and cannot find good men.

Obviously, she said it to me with malice intent. Trying to demean me in some way. Make me feel like I need to try harder or do more in order to appease her, by deflecting the issue back on me and not taking responsibility for what she was doing or acknowledging my feelings in any way. So, this sounds like something like that.

He obviously he is having some feeling of inadequacy or insecurity about something. So, what people like this do is project their insecurities on you, to make themselves feel better about themselves. They do this as means of gaining control and making themselves feel more secure within the relationship.

When it backfires, they always came back with the "I didn't mean it" or "It was only a joke", or "You miss understood what I meant, and "you are overreacting" type of excuses. Don't believe that Bullshit, they said it for a reason... so they were trying to plant a seed, to make you feel insecure in some way, or cause you anxiety as a means to gain some type of advantage.

Don't tolerate people like this, they do it once... and then don't apologize or take responsibility for doing it... well they will be good for a while but trust me over time they will do it again and again and again in more settle ways... and each time you feel more and more anxious about it. Then starts to mess your mind. So don't ignore it. You don't need people like this in your life... trust me!!!

[Starbers99]

I cannot second this more - I had a woman do that to me recently because she felt insecure and inadequate and I didn't say anything because I don't like others to know they have upset me but slowly but surely, I became less confident and anxious until I couldn't say a thing without getting upset. In the end I exploded and now I'm fine and I transferred out of her department leaving her exactly where she deserves to be, high and dry.

[DaveJord]

@Starbers99 100% it is toxic behavior... you take stuff like this on the chin, because any one comment by itself is not a big deal... but over time the anxiety builds. You start questioning yourself, and if they meant to do it or not, the truth they are doing it, and one way or the other they are impacting how you feel about yourself. And in the hands of a master manipulator, they use it as means of power over you.

[Starbers99]

I have never experienced this kind of person before but I've learnt a huge lesson - establish boundaries with everyone and don't let other people cross those boundaries and freeze them out the second they do cross them. In the end, these people always lose - she's lost a friend and someone she liked talking to because of her own ignorance prejudices and insecurities. She didn't just lose the person she liked most in the team, she also lost the best worker in the team. She was miserable before and she's even more miserable now - now I know people like this exist, I'll be looking out for them and I'll be ready for them. No mercy.

[DaveJord]

@Starbers99 Dont freeze then out immediately... sometimes they may not have been aware or realized it. Circumstances matter in dating, so take all things into account. But if it is bringing you more hassles than happiness... freeze them out.

But telling someone that nobody else would want them... yeah get lost dude.

[SteveSmith1985]

I don't think it's a matter of figuring out the best way to hurt your boyfriend in return for the hurt he's caused you. I understand the impulse. But take a step back. What are you doing here. You're in a relationship. SOmeone you care about hurt you. If you hurt them in return, what have you gained? Now you're both hurt, both angry and 'less-close' as a result.

I don't blame you for being upset. That's an awful thing to say to your partner. It's an abusive thing to say to your partner. It's the ultimate statement of contempt for your partner's worth. Rather than feeling like they are your partner because they love you (as you should be made to feel)... that gets turned-on it's head.

Now, they are only with you out of pity. THey're doing you a favor by being with you. THey don't love you, how could they? Nobody could love you. "I know you, and trust me, nobody else would want you"

Something has gone really wrong when your partner says that.

That is not a joke (unless it was CLEARLY a joke).

It's one of the most hurtful things a partner can say to you. WAY beyond the bounds of 'acceptable'. No matter how upset someone is.

You don't need to figure out what to say back. You need to take a look at whether you need a relationship check-up or relationship check-out. But... take a look at your relationship and either fix it or leave it, because something is seriously broken when one person says this to the person they're supposed to like/love.

Ask yourself things like: is this behavior isolated? or have there been other times he has said things which upset you in a similar way? Would you have put-up with this from him at the start of the relationship? Could you imagine him saying this earlier in the relationship. Has his behavior towards you changed? etc.

This guy might be a great boyfriend who (in some way I can't quite get my head around) said one super awful thing to you. But this is a 'red flag'. For sure. Look at it in the context of your relationship and all you know about him. If there are other things you are uneasy/unhappy about, then; this should weigh quite heavily in deciding to leave.

[TenderFantasy]

He's an asshole. It's obvious. Find someone who actually Loves you/cares about you. That's the whole point of relationships! Finding someone MATURED and Caring. Life's difficult enough without some bitch adding to the stresses of it. He probably is reflecting back on what HE is internally feeling. Either way, throw him away in my opinion. Life's too precious to be with someone abusive and toxic. Take it from me. I've had this type of person in my life in the past. Added to me getting sick and having early wrinkles, white hair, weight issues, etc. You would NOT want that! You want a family man that is stable enough, kind enough and someone who will be a good role model for any future children you might have. Someone who is your rock, not someone who wants to hit you with one!

[BlueScorpio]

No he's hiding the truth how he feels about you behind a "joke". It's called taking you down notch, he wants your self esteem to be completely in the shitter so you won't feel worthy of anyone else but him. The second he said that, should've been when you told him " I guess you don't need me then, in that case you're free to leave". Ladies stop letting men tell you they don't really want you or don't think you're worthy. Leave him.

[Aaron03]

I couldn’t agree more with you!

[Guy13]

Nothing. Go dark and quiet with no facial or emotional reactions. NO nonverbal AND recognize when you have a Narcissist that is inflaming you. You react, whether happy or tears, is of no concern. He feeds off either as expressing and feeling appropriate emotion and response escapes him.

Grey Stoning I think it calls. You tube and make sure Clinical psychologist. He will escalate as anyone in his life is there to manipulate, control, and give him and emotional fix.

[coachTanthony]

Gas lighting is never something you do to someone you love. I would reassess your relationship.

[SwellStroke]

With how many people walk on this earth, I doubt that is even possible.

That isn't something I would think people would say as a joke. However context may help if he was "joking" Though, you say it doesn't SEEM like a joke to you. In that case again without knowing the full context, then no it is not a joke and honestly sounds like he is starting to groom your for isolating your self from others.

is he controlling over you actions, what you do, whom you talk to?

Demanding as in what you wear or you need to serve him?

These are things to keep an eye out for as controlling manipulative people tend to tell their partner these kind of things to get them to stay as they think they have no other option if they want to be with someone.

If that is the situation, a lot of times it can lead to other various things that isn't good. Mental and Physical violence are two of which come time mind as associated with behavior like that.

All of which I pray is not the case, but again with out context I can only give thoughts on what I have been offered to understand with.

I hope things work out, and that you stay safe.

[D_Bone_Steak]

So is it true? At least on some level is it true... that you wouldn't be wanted by a guy of his caliber or better for more than a pump and dump or a vacation hit and quit? Did he point out a reality you don't like hearing?

I'm asking because there is always things you can work on. Too fat, stop eating and move around. Have dirty nasty habits, clean your act up. Broke good for nothing, become good at something.

I just don't think someone would get butthurt over such a statement unless there was an element of truth.

[sawno]

Did he say it in a joking voice? Because its a big difference if he said it in that sense of humor I can have where I tease with something I know someone would never believe that I genuinely think that. Or if it was said with him actually believing that.

Once you know that you have a look inside his mind, either he judges you to have the confidence to take a joke like that, or he has a low opinion of you or wants to trap you. In the first case thats fine, the joke went wrong and its easy to talk out, its a very risky form of humor. If its the latter case thats toxic and you should examin your relationship.

[Chazmatazz269]

“Goodbye”, then leave, and for good. He doesn’t respect you and he doesn’t care about your feelings. Even if you’ve earned such disregard and disrespect, you shouldn’t put up with it. The relationship is doomed. Get out and work on yourself, as you see fit. Forget that fool. Just know that he won’t likely forget you. Those words are, more often than not, a control tactic employed by the insecure. He’s almost certainly projecting. He’ll likely stalk you. Get a PPO, surround yourself with family and friends as often as possible and have protection measures at your disposal when you can’t. STILL work on yourself in as much as you see fit. Let him wither. “To thine own self be true.”

[Fireguy17]

you should not say anything.
It won't solve anything and all it will do is keep the fight going.
No one says something like that as a joke.
myself, depending on how the relationship is overall, it might be a good time to reassess the relationship.
If he said this, it makes me wonder what else he is thinking or will say in the future.
If this was a first time thing, and the rest of the relationship is just fine then I would sit down with him and let him know how hurtful that was, and you really don't think that it was said as a joke and for him to say that he must beleive that there is some truth behind it.
Don't let him just blow it off, if he does and walks away then that kind of tells you what he thinks.
No one deserves to be treated that way, and quite possibly it might not get better.
It sucks but take some time and think about it.
life is too short to put up with that.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Get your best, sexiest pictures, open up a Tinder account, see how many hundreds of men want you, then send him a screen shot and close your account.

Like sure, no one else wants me. I have evidence to prove you wrong.

Often though, people will say they were just joking when they know they said something wrong and don't want to apologize.

[Daniela1982]

Don't get angry, get even. Short-sheet the bed or put clear saran wrap over the toilet bowl. Put some really hot sauce in his dinner. Find some good ways to prank him. And if none of that works, there is always this...

[LovingLoverReturned]

Does it hit close to home? I mean is ot realistic?

If so tell him "goodbye".

If it's blazingly obviously not true then maybe it is a joke...

Beware people using the word joke to cover animosity... not all jokes are reql and some are meant to keep you down so you don't know your worth.

[Ndyaaum]

“There’s always a little bit of truth in a joke” when people say its a joke after you confront them it’s because they don’t want to br held accountable for their words.. meaning they hate confrontation.. but don’t worry about your boyfriend he may had said that because he was hurt in the argument and wsnt to forget about it.. just focus on your mind and emotions and give each other space..

[TheorionMage]

Perhaps, you need be reflexive and turn the question saying "Then 'why' should I want YOU?" His Ego assumes living in his 'radiant presence' is some sort of privilege... he FAILS to see YOUR companionship is EVERY BIT the enviable 'prize' as HIS is!

[rosek]

I dated a guy who would say "women age like bread," and use that to explain why I should settle down soon [with him]. He would also continually point out how women wanted him. Once I ended it, he cried about how other women saw how great he was, but why couldn't I? How he is -insert all the positive characteristics in the world-, so how could I not see this and why wouldn't I want to be with him? Yeah. Insecurity is a monster.

[Starbers99]

Don't say anything - he's trying to make you feel insecure but all he's done is expose himself. Slowly (or swiftly) extricate yourself from this relationship. Don't explain why, that will annoy him more. He's not worth it, he will damage your confidence in the long run.

[ShellyB]

If the relationship is mostly good except for this, then what I would say would be basically, why would you say that?

If the relationship is not great AND he said that, then my response would be "I guess we'll find out" and break up with him.

[QuadDamage]

Well you should tell him to go F himself unless he sincerely apologized and made sure he owed it back to you.

Never let anyone stomp on who you are for their own amusement if it hurts you. Tell whoever, it's hurting and the trust will be gone if it continues.

If it continues: leave whom ever it is that cannot understand the simplicity of hurting another person when she/he has even gotten told about it 😁

[cryscrys1]

Why he has you then if no one would want you
What can you say? No your questions is what should I do? That is to let him know that you wouldn’t want him either.
You won’t always be this young in your life as today so make sure you act now and live the remaining of your lifespan happily.. so drop his greedy ass

[t_time]

Had an ex tell Me that once. It was due to his own insecurities. He wanted to make me feel so low about myself so he could have full control over what I did. How I dressed. What I ate. It's mental abuse. Dump him. Trust me when I say this it only gets worse

[xJeremyx]

If I were you, Id say:"Then I guess you are no one!"

Ok, I wouldn't say that out loud. But what he is doing is emotional manipulation. Get him to seek help, and if he is not willing, time to be single for awhile.

Emotional abuse is just as serious as physical abuse.

[jshm2]

He's just goading you into a fight. Sure you could say "I've knocked back your dad, you ain't no catch compared to him!" But you'll need to ditch his ass as there is no coming back from that.

To be honest, you should sleep on it and ditch his ass anyway if he doesn't make reparations soon.