Is it okay to ask your boyfriend for a cup of tea?

[Anonymous]

I like a cup of tea in the evening. But it seems every time I ask my boyfriend for a cup of tea he always comes up with an excuse why he can’t do it or straight up sats no, like ‘Later’ or ‘Nah’ or ‘I don’t have to do it’. It upsets me because one of my love languages is acts of service. And I show love by doing things for him like making him dinner, making him a tea when he wants one, helping him do something, etc. I told him tonight his response upsets me and he didn’t seem to understand why. It always seems that he will make me a cup of tea when I don’t ask for it but whenever I ASK him to do it, he doesn’t want to. Am I wrong for being upset by this? I cooked dinner tonight so I would have really appreciated him showing appreciation by simply putting the kettle on and putting a teabag in a cup. His attitude was that it was an inconvenient time for him because he was feeling tired etc. And in my mind, I interpret that as he only wants to show he cares about me when it’s convenient for him… never when it’s actually when I need him to.

[MrOracle]

in my opinion, you made a reasonable request, and he was a jerk for not doing it when he had no real reason for not doing it. It doesn't matter what the request is as long as it is reasonable in the context of the situation.

If you asked ME for tea, you wouldn't get it, but that's because I don't have any to give - I don't drink it. But if I knew you liked tea, I would buy some, so that next time you were over, I had it available, and if you wanted me to make some for you, I would, because it's a reasonable request, only takes a couple of minutes, and should be no big deal, especially if you cooked for him.

He's being a selfish jerk - confirmed.

[Asker]

Thanks for your response!

[FilmGuy93]

Of course it’s okay to ask. It’s also okay for you to say “I was tired when I cooked you dinner. Please put the kettle on the stove; it takes two seconds.” You can’t be afraid to assert boundaries or be firm about stuff like that.

Having needs is not the same as being needy.

[sirderpsalot123]

He sounds like a bit of an asshole.