Why do people cheat and start affairs?

Question

SnowedIn · Accepted Answer

My dad cheated on my mom. I asked him about this a few times over the years.

When I was 11 we had just moved back to the United States from Germany. He went to find us a house in Florida. Found the house and started an affair with the realtor while he was at it. :(

Of all the things he did wrong he never made excuses or tried to justify his cheating. He also never apologized to mom or to us for blowing up the family and causing the second, third, and fourth order effects that plague us to today.

He did say as reasons (not excuses)(and I'm paraphrasing) that mom was a bitch, that the relationship was hell, that sex was non-existent, and that he really wanted to fuck the realtor. (Again, my language, not his.) He tried to explain that it wasn't that those things propelled him against his will into the affair or that they "allowed" him to cheat -- he very clearly outlined that he made a decision and that those things informed his choices.

My point in all that is that I believe those things are just some of the many reasons people choose to start cheating.

Here's the interesting take away that he and I discussed: I asked him how, if he loved mom, he could cheat. My presumption was that one love prevented another love from forming. He told me that he didn't stop loving mom but he never liked being with her. And that he fell deeply in love with the woman he ended up marrying.

Aysen · Accepted Answer

When people aren't getting what they want in a relationship and don't communicate with their partner/significant other about it, instead of being the bigger person to admit there's something wrong with the relationship and talk about it, they go behind their lover's back to seek the thrill and beginnings of a new person they never emotionally and/or sexually explored before.

It's sad in my opinion because this really shows that some people aren't brave enough to face conflicts within a relationship when they occur and would rather instead stay silent to avoid problems, which in turn ironically, actually creates more problems, resulting in emotional pain and feelings of betrayal in the long haul for everyone involved. Some people get bored within their relationship, some of them are simply curious to seek the temptations of the unknown and some, are simply inconsiderate to deliberately cheat to get revenge with their lover for reasons that's personal to them.

It's a messy situation that I hope people will never have to experience. Responsibilities come with the relationship; face up to them if there are problems within them instead of resorting to cowardly manuevers such as cheating.

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

It depends on the person, some do it because their needs are not being met. They've talked about it until they are blue in the face and aren't getting anywhere.

Relationships often fail, simply because their needs are not being met. No one can stay in a relationship endlessly that isn't meeting their basic needs and they cannot be expected to give up those needs, as it is part of who they are and will destroy them.

This is why people who refuse to cheat, no matter what. Get depressed, sometimes suicidal. Especially if they don't feel they can leave the relationship. Maybe they are married with kids, or since life is so hard today they would never be able to survive on their own. They stay because of fear of leaving and the unknown or what they actually know will happen if they do.

Some will cheat in these circumstances, some will leave and end it... the more likely they can survive on their own, the more likely they are to leave rather than cheat.

Some just kill themselves as they see no way out of it and feel trapped.

A man once told me, he wanted to leave but he knew he'd be saddled with child support and Alimony he could not afford and would end up bankrupt and homeless, so he choose cheating over leaving. He 100% said he would of left, had he been able to afford to live on his own once he left... but society didn't give him a choice in that matter.

Summeroflove · Answer

Because they’re low lives

Berethor · Answer

They don't get what they want in their relationship or they are greedy, two main reasons.

Con29 · Answer

In my experience some people or girls don’t like my fetishes and I don’t force it on them I tell them about it and some agree and some don’t

In_Trance · Answer

Because they're not getting what they need from their current partner

Anonymous · Answer

They have character flaw

BarryLiverstone · Answer

For several reasons

Why do people cheat and start affairs?

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