In a perfect world would you chose to be a homemaker or a breadwinner in your marriage or long term relationship?

[L12xX]

In a heterosexual relationship, I'm curious to know which option both sexes would choose given the right circumstances were in place.

I encourage you to consider what would make you feel happiest and most fulfilled.

Try not to worry about what other people would think or want you to say.

You can vote anonymously if it helps.

Women - please read carefully

How many of you would prefer to be a wife and possibly a mom, IF you were guaranteed the man would treat you with love and respect for what you do?

That said, your husband encouraged and supported you in your passion projects, hobbies and part time work if it's something you chose to do. BUT your family would be your FIRST priority and your work and passions come second.

That said, you aren't the main bread winner.

OR, would you be happiest having a full time career and just hiring a nanny or the man be the homemaker?

Men - please read carefully

If all of the above applied to you and you could chose to be the breadwinner or the homemaker, which one would you chose? Let's say hypothetically, we are still living in a "perfect" world still. And your wife and society would treat you with love and respect despite which role you chose. What would you chose?

We get so many messages on what we should or shouldn't do based on our sexe. In fact there are mixed messages and views on it. At the end of the day, I'm curious to know what people truly desire if they new without a doubt they could trust their partner and the social pressures and judgments are completely removed.

In my ideal world given I had a loving and respectful partner, I would be happiest being the main breadwinner of our home

In my ideal world given I had a loving and respectful partner, I would be happiest being the primary homemaker

[sheenagwapa]

I don't know my priority will always be family. the spouse will always be priority, the children will always be priority.


i can get sl focused on my interests though for example if let's say i'm learninh how to apply makeup or doinh my hair or anythinh that i find interesting i may forget that my SO is in the house so what my ex usually do is get my attention usually he would knock the door and an annoyed face plastered on his face that's when i would immediately stop what i'm doinh and follow him


that always happens. i have my own workd. i love the internet, i love beauty... i think the idea of an influencer i lobe it... but in my heart my top most priority is still SO. i know it sounds pathetic but i'm the type who would leave everything for SO


i don't have kids so i can't relate to that but everytime my nephew before would visit the Philippines i always cry when he leave to go back. i have a cousin before who grew up in our house when she left and live to another house i was so heartbroken that
everytime i visit her durinh summer i spend all my alloeance on her and one time cut part of her hair as my memory. i think i like the idea of havinh a job the fulfillment it gives on my ego but my heart is really to the SO and family


i think this idea of separation of spouses that the wife will be left with nothinh i think that's what scares the women perhaps? but as for me i think i wanna work especially if it's in line with my interest but i knkw knowinh myself I don't know my opriority is jusy SO

[L12xX]

Hi Sheena, thank you for sharing so openly about your truth! I do not think it's pathetic at all. I know many women who also feel the same so you are not alone. There is no shame in that at all. Only you can determine what success looks like for you. <3

[Anonymous]

Just based on my own experiences with the women in my life and others I've talked about this with, if they are honest, given the conditions you laid out here, the vast majority who want a family would prefer to be at home raising their children themselves rather than paying someone else to do it for them. The truth is it's heartbreaking to leave your child in the care of someone else so you can go work to earn enough money to pay for someone else to care for your child. Childcare is super expensive after all. But most of all, the mother-child bond, and the care, love and learning opportunities a mother can give her child is incredibly important and isn't discussed enough today because we don't want to make mothers who have no choice but to work feel guilty. The same is true of breastfeeding. There is no formula made that can give a growing child the health and emotional benefits of breastfeeding. The sad truth is that most families simply can't afford it today.

[L12xX]

Thank you for taking the time to share your inner thoughts and feelings on this. I agree with you, that many woman would prefer to be a homemaker within the right circumstances. But that the way society is set up today makes that feel unrealistic.

[Anonymous]

Breadwinner for sure. I don't think I've ever known a man who would prefer to be the stay at home parent. It's just not in our makeup as men.

I do wish all of the political and ideological influences, and the resulting hate and judgment, would just disappear so we could all go back to doing what is best for us rather than what others tell us we should want to do.

Given the parameters you described, I think most people would want to give their families what people of the past were able to give them. The world would be a much happier and healthier place.

[L12xX]

Thank you for sharing that. I truly appreciate it. I think these are important discussions for people to have. And the good news is more people are starting to have them now. :)

[Opinion Owner]

Agree 100%. Thank you for asking this question.

[L12xX]

There will be more to come! It's interesting, because it seems most men and women would prefer playing the more traditional roles. However there is a clear trust issue on both ends. And I'm curious about how honest people are with each other about what they truly desire in a relationship. And how many people feel comfortable enough to be their authentic self and accept their true desires. Society shames feminine women if they show their more feminine traits and desires, and shames men for stepping into their healthy masculinity. How are masculine/feminine women supposed to find each other in dating when so many are hiding or trying to behave the way they feel they SHOULD based on modern society's expectations? It's a tricky one, we need to first reconnect with our authentic selfs and be honest with ourselves and others about what we want. However, as some women mentioned above, there are obstacles that make it hard. On both ends.

[L12xX]

Let's see though. I am interested in seeing more votes still as opposed to pushing my own theories out. I am most interested in getting to the truth here as opposed to forming opinions too quickly.

[Opinion Owner]

The question is, what societal forces are shaming feminine women if they show their more feminine traits and desires? And what societal forces are shaming men for stepping into their healthy masculinity? I know what I believe it is, and I think it's harming most of us far more than it is helping. But I'm interested is what others think.

[L12xX]

Yes absolutely. And think about it, women who are naturally more feminine are scared to speak up about THEIR needs and what THEY truly feel because they want to be accepted. Often not realizing what's happening. More masculine women should not speak for all women. That's not right at all. Its frustrating for everyone trust me. But more women who like being a bit more traditional are starting to speak up now. And it's giving more and more of us the validation and confidence to do so too.

[Opinion Owner]

I hope you're right.

In any case, it was a good question and very well done. Thanks for posting it.

[L12xX]

Thank you for participating! If you want, feel free to follow me. I just joined and will be posting more questions for thought. Have a great day! :)

[Summeroflove]

Neither. I want love. Whatever works works. I don’t care about this as much. Because I feel like it takes away from love

[L12xX]

Great answer! It's true when you are in love you just figure it out!

[Summeroflove]

Thanks

[Apple1996]

Already a stay at home mom and I love it even tho it is a lot more difficult then having a regular job so sometimes I'm definitely a little jealous of those that get to work and have a normal life

[L12xX]

Thank you for sharing! Which one do you prefer?

[Apple1996]

Definitely being a mom. Can never imagine working and having to leave them at a daycare

[L12xX]

Thank you for sharing! I’m not a mom but I’m pretty sure I’d be the same.

[Guy13]

I prefer the hunt and the work battlefield... maybe it's the years of formal athletic competition.

[L12xX]

Thank you for sharing that!

[Guy13]

Yes Mam. Great question ‼️

[L12xX]

Thank you!! There will be more to come!! :)

[Guy13]

👍 👍

[Anonymous]

I would want to be the breadwinner and have my husband help with the children. I want to provide for my family, i have my goals and plans in mind. That's just my nature, i have to.

I've imagined it so many times.

I know it's not a very traditional role for women to do, which is fair since I think most women want to be the ones taking care of the children. I wouldn't say I'm too untraditional either since I'm still very much a feminine woman.

[Avicenna]

Definitely breadwinner

[L12xX]

Thank you for sharing this!

[Avicenna]

You‘re welcome!

[-Mad-]

Fuck the women who voted for the 2nd option.

[L12xX]

It sounds like you have some healing to do.

[Anonymous]

Homemaker. Any woman should consider herself blessed if conditions in her life allow this.

[HaveNoName]

So glad to see the numbers (%age) of men voting A.

[L12xX]

I think these are discussions people are afraid to have and don't talk about enough. But the good news is, people are starting to have them now.

[HaveNoName]

Ooohhh... Now I am also glad the number of pinks for option B is going up. This is exciting... 😂

[L12xX]

Haha, I suspected that would happen. As a women who is more naturally feminine myself, I understand the struggles many women face in modern society. And dating can be very hard for us. There are many men who lost hope from bad experiences and struggle to recognize those of us who are kind and loving and would make good healthy partners. Even good men, seem to feel less of a responsibility towards taking care of women, because they don't realize some of us do need them. More women are lonely and depressed than ever. I know men are having their own struggles right now too. These are some confusing times for many people. And so this is why I wanted to open up the discussion. I'm glad I did! More to come.

[Anonymous]

Homemaker for sure, I a very caring and nurturing

[In_Trance]

breadwinner