Is there any chance of amends?

[Anonymous]

so embarrassing to admit. i basically catfished a guy i was in a situationship with to prove he wasn’t being honest about talking to other people. he and i were involved for 8 months. he would consistently go silent and i would chase him asking for answers during the silence. his excuses each time were that he was busy, under stress or that he’s a bad communicator. at one point i tried ending things bc i couldn’t handle it anymore. i suffer from anxiety which is something i was open with him about earlier on and this was making it much worse. when we “ended” he apologized for stringing me along, and said he didn’t want a casual sex sort of relationship. i was confused by that bc i had expressed something similar a while ago and he told me he needed time to think about it. that was when he started becoming hot and cold. so i asked for a conversation after and it took weeks to finally have that. during the first week of silence i immaturely made a catfish account to see he why he kept doing so. i learned he started following his ex again after i brought up ending things, and i stupidly started keeping tabs from said account. he started talking to the catfish but stopped so i figured he wasn’t really pursuing anyone at all. i texted him a couple times during the 3 weeks of silence expressing how i truly felt about him and he eventually texts me apologizing and said he didn't want me to think i was being ghosted. he again left me in silence for another 4 days and i told him its become too much for me and i was done, i was fully prepared to move on at that point bc i realized how unhealthy the lengths i was going to to seek clarity were. he immediately responded and we finally had a conversation. he told he wasn’t talking or sleeping with anyone else. it lasted 5 days and we never even met up. during one of those days i was having severe anxiety due to separate circumstances and later started thinking he was ghosting me again after he wasn’t responding all day

Updates

1 y

he got back to me much later and told he wants me to stop worrying. i promised i wouldn’t but it happened yet again two days later after a bad event at home only this time i was drinking a little and showed up to his house uninvited seeking support. he never responded to my texts that night or even let me in. the next day we were supposed to meet up and i was trying to salvage everything and called/texted multiple times apologizing. he still didn’t respond

Updates

1 y

i went back to my catfish account and learned that he was instead with his ex the day we were supposed to meet up. i felt so hurt that i again baited him and it worked. he asked for a date and i went to his ex to reveal everything but came forward as myself immediately bc i knew how unhealthy and weird the whole thing was. i sent her our conversations and explained to her that he was willing to use me for sex while getting back with her and how unfair that was to the both of us

[kylee2437]

Why do you want to continue to deal with a man that made you uncomfortable for as long as 8 months? There’s absolutely no reason for you to invest anymore time into this situation. 8 months is a lengthy time to be stuck in the talking stage with someone to begin with and then him playing all these games and downplaying the fact that he most likely never wanted to be in a relationship with you. You need to hit the block button and continue on with life.

[Asker]

he blocked me immediately after i came forward. I don't know why i feel bad for catfishing him and trying to expose him. i’m aware he was playing mind games but i feel so guilty and like i hurt him too

[Asker]

i also don’t understand how she could take his side. i feel so hurt by all of this. she blocked me as well. i thought i was protecting both she and i.

[kylee2437]

@asker own up to your mistake for yourself, you don’t owe him anything. Use this as a way to become a better person and to have a better mindset when dating the next person - but at this point there’s nothing you can do to “try and win him over” not quite sure why you are trying to entertain the idea of winning him over anyways.

[kylee2437]

@asker why would a random girl take another random girls side? Lol she doesn’t owe you anything. You owe yourself self respect and self love and not entertaining this mess anymore. 8 months is a long time to devote yourself to someone when they weren’t showing you that they were an important aspect to you.

[Asker]

you’re right. its just the guilt of how i treated him too thats bothering me so much. i have owned up to my mistakes and the severity of my unhealthy behavior, i apologized to both of them before she blocked. and i’m also realizing he’s probably unaffected by this considering he never cared to begin with

[kylee2437]

@asker exactly usually men that are like him thrive off of ego , so in reality the lengths you were going for him were just boosting his ego. He’s probably happy that you were so into him to the point where you went to that extent to catfish him as weird as that sounds. You don’t owe him anything, you owe yourself a lot more

[Asker]

wow, i actually hadn’t seen it that way whatsoever. it makes a lot of sense. what i hate is that he probably painted me as an obsessed stalker. it’s true my actions align with that. he would just never communicate with me and it took reaching those lengths to get an actual answer. i think that’s where all my guilt/embarrassment stems from too, that i did all of this for some guy who never treated me well

[kylee2437]

@asker who cares how he perceives you lol new flash most guys that play around with women will label them as crazy when in reality he won’t say what he did to make you be crazy. I’m sure my abusive ex calls me his crazy ex girlfriend when in reality I stayed around for too much shit he put me through.

[Asker]

so true. i’m sorry to hear about your abusive ex. walking away is so much easier said than done, i’m glad you did. geez i’m realizing how glad i am to this this be over. in a way i was trying to stand up for myself too, wish i would’ve done it differently though

[kylee2437]

@asker all good lol me and him have been broken up for a year and even though in the moment he seemed so hard to let him go, I am actually very thankful I did. Nothing good came out of it. It just left me hurt. It’s going to hurt for a while, but it all gets better and you are going to look back and wonder why you even gave him so much of your time.

[Asker]

yeah, i can't wait to reach that point. gonna use this time wisely and focus on myself. all of this just showed how much of a coward he is, the fact his ex had to apologize and explain on his behalf. i’m sure it was lies he fed her too. still, i’ve never dealt with someone who would behave in such a way. he played me big time lol

[surebruh]

I feel you ramble on a bit, maybe because you don't want to lose what established connection you have with him but know it was wrong that you cat fished him. The reason I say this is because although you were together for 8 months why would you want to chase someone who goes silent (for whatever reason)? Other than the fact that there WILL be people who appreciate you as is (its a a matter of finding them) you should really consider addressing that anxiety which will only continue to add problems in various forms through your life, you don't want to be like me that buries anxiety for years until you freak out. I apologize if it seems strong but really the hell with everything you wrote which is you just working yourself up. Take a step back, see that the situation isn't suitable for what you expect and proceed from cautiously from there.

[Guy13]

Perhaps, getting your obsessive Compulsive Anxiety under control from psychiatrist is a good idea. I am not a doctor but that seems to be the first order of business so that your thinking is clear. I am not a professional in that kind of thing but seems like common sense?

[Asker]

that’s what i plan on doing. thank you for acknowledging that.

[Guy13]

Sure and good luck with it all. I know a girl who did that and they gave her some tiny little white pill. She takes one at evening and it chills out her repetitive actions per her husband...

[Anonymous]

Why would you want to amend things? This dude is very obviously breadcrumbing you. Block his ass and move on.

[Asker]

he’s already blocked me from everything. i just feel so humiliated. and also awful for catfishing him and trying to expose him. it was cruel. and she never even confirmed whether they’re back together which makes me feel even more embarrassed