The guy I’m dating always puts work first but is it too soon for me to complain?

[xolaurenxx]

I’ve been seeing this guy for only 3 weeks and I feel like he alwaysss puts work first like the amount of times he’s had to cancel on me to go to work is ridicolous. And he always posts quotes like he’s so focused on work and work and work and leaves me waiting and I barley see him. I know I’m not his priority but he’s always so busy? Is it too soon to say anything since we aren’t even official? I know how it feels being busy from work I get exhausted but I’d try to make time. We speak everyday all day and he calls me and stuff but it just annoys me I’m his last priority

[mobiusforniner]

Men are driven by purpose. I'm happy to know there's men out there who WORK hard, because many guys now look for every excuse NOT to work.

I don't know what he does for a living. But for my job, which requires staffing 24/7; it wasn't uncommon for me to be called to work in the middle of Christmas dinner.

And I go. Not because I want to bail on my family, but because it's my JOB. For me, since the safety and well being of others depends on what I do; it's an almost sacred obligation. And that obligation is what provides for my wife and kids to have a warm house, clothes, television, internet, running water, food, cars, toys...

Life isn't all about you.

[xolaurenxx]

But he plans to see me then never even shows?

[mobiusforniner]

Thats BS. He should owe you the courtesy of notifying you BEFOREhand. Anybody who cares about someone and plans ahead would

[DaveJord]

Nope the sooner the better... I would not say that you complain. But you say something like,

"moving forward I have concerns, because you seem like a very career-oriented person. I just get concerned because I do not really like how that could play out in the long run."

Then you have an adult conversation, about your expectations for the future and things you care about.

I mean you do not expect him to change his life around immediately for someone he just met and started dating three weeks ago... but you want to have the discussion on how he thinks or feels about it moving forward... because down the line it could become an issue. So, you want to make a point now so later on as the relationship develops you two can work it out, because he knew it was a concern early on for you. But if you wait too long, then he will think you knew it was a potential issue all along and you never said anything, yet still decide to presue the relationship.

[melanieeeB]

I would talk to him and just ask if he is always like that or what his problem is.

Yeah sure you only know him for three weeks at this point and you both don't know each other enough to really have a deeper care or ugh I don't know but I think you get what I'm trying to say but still communication is important and also important to know if he is just using work as an excuse or if he is honest but always so work focused and if he is, you need to know early on what you're letting yourself into and if you are okay with it or not and if he is maybe different once you two get closer etc... who knows but I personally can't wait anymore and would immediately say something

[melanieeeB]

Once I was talking to this guy who was a police officer and in three months I haven't seen him, he always let me down last minute or never made real plans "cause of work". I made a few scenes and stopped talking to him twice but he would come with explanations and stupid old me was like okay well prove it and well he never did. Compared to 3 years ago, I was dating another policeman and he was also really busy with work and had canceled too but I saw him three times in 2 months... where there is a will, there is a way

[Anonymous]

It's been 3 weeks, of course it is way too soon for you to complain about it. You clearly have an issue with it. So it's best to end things now with him. People seriously need to realise in today's world, unfortunately people have no choice but to put work first.

[xolaurenxx]

But he plans to see me then never shows?

[coachTanthony]

There is no such thing as work life balance. He's either on his grind or he's up your butt 24/7. You decide what you want. Thankfully it's only been 3 weeks.

[MrOracle]

If things got serious, and he wasn't the kind to put work first, you'd be here complaining that he didn't earn enough or hasn't gotten promoted and lacks ambition and hasn't progressed. The reality is that men have to build themselves up from nothing (aside from the few who come from wealthy families), and that means a lot of work and sacrifice, especially when they're young. But those very same guys are the ones who tend to have big success later in life.

I'm sure he'd love to be independently wealthy and have all day long to spend with you, but that's just not the reality for most people today. Still, you don't have to accept this - you can break up with him and find a man who has more time for you, but as I said, 5 years into THAT relationship, you'll be upset that you can't get married yet, or buy a house, or replace your old worn-out car, or whatever, because he "lacks ambition" or "is in a dead-end job" or whatever. Pick your poison.

[lightbulb27]

you have to be realistic with him, in a fun and non judgmental way, about if he has time to spend together. Planning can possibly solve that.

If not, then you're toast. It is hard early in life, when getting started to have balance. He doesn't have power and resources piled up, he's at the mercy of the boss. The other thing is if he is really efficient and effective with the rest of his time, that's a domain that can be discuseed to improve his life. In other words, you could spend time together helping each other get to a better place in life... then it isn't "wasted time"... which is what it can feel like when it seems like there are constant pressing needs.

[Mangospacho]

Is he working late unexpectedly? Or is he just blowing you off so he can stay at work late? If he’s getting stuck at work and simply cannot leave, then there’s not much you can do unless he switches jobs. It sounds like he’s choosing the latter and that you’re just not important enough for him but you two have only been together for 3 weeks so you may not even be a priority yet. If he’s just setting up dates with you and showing up hours late then he’s just a sloppy person, though, and his work excuse may be bogus.

[blueonblack22]

3 weeks is definitely too soon to complain. He’s got his guard up too (if he’s smart). He’s wondering how much you really like him. He knows you could quickly lose interest and leave him. So he’s not going to rush in until he knows you are completely legit on your side.

[xolaurenxx]

He has got his guard up I’m starting to realise. He did ask me for a bit of reassurance yesterday but I always show I like him? I don’t know how else I can show him without seeing him. I am on his side but I don’t know how to show it

[blueonblack22]

Well you are admittedly “on the side” and yet you are feeling frustrated he isn’t acting head over heels in love with you yet (given he talks about work all the time).

Back when I was in my late 20s I dated a 23 year old woman for about 2 months. She then flaked on a date but said “she would make it up to me” but didn’t reach out to me anymore (there never was an argument). A few weeks later she changed her FB status to being in a relationship with someone else. That was “how she made it up to me”. I didn’t say anything at the time but I was hurt. Very hurt.

Guys know young women often swing from guys like a monkey swings from trees. That’s why we don’t rush in with all the verbal “I love you” and all this head over heels crap. More often than not women make rash decision based on their emotions. This is very likely in the early stages of dating.

My advice is not to panic and take it slow. Smart and/or experienced men take their take because they don’t want to be played like fools.

[Kabluie]

even if it's less than a month it's good to ask, simply because people should respect the time that you allocate for them. Plus his life might be too complicated at the the moment to date. If anything it puts it on the table that he should be more aware to respect your time.

[bamesjond0069]

What's he even do? Work priority is one thing. Canceling plans constantly is another. For example my work is my priority and I'll blow my girlfriend off if even it's close to in the way of work... that being said it only happens once in a blue moon. I also support her so she also understands why it comes first.

[Levin]

Well, you said there yourself, you're his last priority?

Is this more not about him but rather you? A self esteem issue?

If someone put me as a low priority, I wouldn't bother with them. I'd get the message and move on.

[Anonymous]

The amount of times he’s had to cancel on you to go to work is ridiculous? You've been dating three weeks so how many times could it possibly be?

I get it though. I think it's ok to drop some subtle hints at this point. You risk putting him off if you go too far, so it's a gamble.

God luck.

[petitedollbabee]

If it’s only been three weeks and he’s doing that, end things while it’s still early if you don’t like it. Find someone who will make you more of a priority.

[RingOfFire]

Some people are focused on their careers and prioritize it over all else. He may be one of those people. If you are not getting what you feel is a high enough priority this may not be the guy for you.

[Alwayreckles93]

Well I mean he has to eat and he has bills to pay. Unless you are willing to buy his food and pay for his bills if not stop complaining!

[SphynxUK]

Knock it on the head. He’s either using work as an excuse, or he is actually busy, which you don’t like.

[FilmGuy93]

Girl… you’ve only known him for 3 weeks. Of course you aren’t a priority; he doesn’t have any reason to prioritize you.

[Noodle_fan]

just be honest with him about how u feel , if he can't do that , it means he is not the right guy for you , you should avoid to waste your time and move on.

[gorydetails]

Lol, so rather then finding someone more compatible you are just biding your time until you can start bitching and nagging at him?

[Anonymous]

Then make him your last priority too. Is he your boyfriend or are you just getting to know him?

[PatriceONeal]

You picked him for his success and if he stops being successful you'd leave anyway. Just shutup lol

[serious_miss419]

Then he’s not your person.

[WhitneySnow]

You should talk to him

[Degenerate]

Sounds like a tradesmen to me

[Dav1dTh0ma389]

I'm guessing he makes a lot of money too

[LimitedBenefits101]

It's very simple, work b4 304s.

[LiamJHayden]

Far too soon.