Who holds a GRUDGE more... Men or Women?

Question

In my experience, women hold a grudge (especially if it's against a man) much more than a man does. A man tends to move on with more important things while a woman seems to hold onto that grudge, sometimes until they get even.

What do you think? Do men or women hold grudges more?

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

Females do. Yes, I'm sure it's annoying. It is annoying.

I have a theory why, though, and it's not merely choice: Female brains are different than males in that there are more cross-lateral connections bridging the two hemispheres.

In brain scans in MRI machines, they have found different functioning. Scientists have discovered that during memory recall, more areas of the female brain light up (expressed magnetically as heat). This illustrates that memory is tied to emotion, and the amygdala, and the senses, more in women than in men.

Men's brains are more hyper-localized when thinking about something, or working on a task. They can block out external stimuli better ("He's always tuning me out, not listening to what I say...") When female brains think, and make decisions, they take into account more data from more sources (inside their brains), and are particularly dialogue/word-based. If men don't want to, they can use that tunnel vision to tune out whatever is not on task (or desired to pay attention to.) Women have wider focus, but less intensity. This manifests as more accurate recall of past conversations, and having taken in more details (particularly on a social/communication level; notice the recounting of a party, after leaving. Or the objects in a room. As well as spatial location. Whereas men have better eye tracking with motion, which makes them ideal in dealing with speed, sports, emergency situations.)

Back to your q - When I learned this, it all fit together, made sense to me - the connections in female brains are linked, so that when she experiences something in the present, it easily ties to something in the past, and she not only remembers, but feels that emotion once again, often potently. Male brains are more localized, and heat up more, but in fewer areas, so when they focus, think, feel, etc., it doesn't feel the same level of intensity. Unless, of course, we're talking a trauma, PTSD-type situation, then there is an onslaught of sensory overload, once again. Females have a stress response that is more sensitive, more easily triggered, compared to men. Under extreme stress, male and female brains act similarly. But at the low end of stress, female brains have a larger stress response. And their dialogue-prioritized brains, in combination with these other female characteristics, make them... also hold grudges more.

I've personally noticed that male friends, and acquaintances, tend to get over what are really minor frictions and disagreements, more easily than females do. It's one of my favourite aspects of men. It's not true of all men. Some are petty, some retaliate, some never get over things, the wallow and lick their wounds, seemingly forever. But generally speaking, yes, they don't make 'mountains out of molehills.' (They're just as emotional, though.)

CrazyGirl2 · Accepted Answer

Oh we do absolutely! I just wrote a small thesis on “what men really want” and I summed it up in three words, “peace and bloody quiet” (the bloody doesn’t count as I'm half British and I lived there for just under a third of my life). Men want to just live in peace, and we can hold onto a slight from two years ago, and when WE do something legitimately wrong, we immediately bring out that ONE thing you did two years ago that was worse, so we don’t have to admit fault and apologize. I did that once, and immediately recognized it as something that my mother had taught me to never do. I regretted it and I apologized for MY slight against him. I was wrong, and I am a big enough woman to admit when I am. Hell I’ve personally apologized to several men here on GAG for my appalling treatment of them. We women, hold grudges a LOT longer than most men.

RingOfFire · Accepted Answer

How I hate this change GaG seems to have made in polls where they don't separate the results by male and female. For polls like this it is critical to see which gender is voting for each response.

I think that women are more likely to hold grudges than men. One of the things I find very attractive in women is their attention to detail. It's so impressive. Whereas men seem to focus more on the big picture. There are pros and cons to both. I think it is one reason why relationships between men and women are so natural. They compliment each other in ways like this.

But one of the cons to being focused on detail is that you are also focused on the things that can cause you to hold a grudge and not likely to overlook a trespass even when it may be trivial.

So I think that generally women are more prone to grudges than men.

Orion76 · Accepted Answer

Are you kidding me? of course women, you better watch what comes out of your mouth too, if you insult a woman it will come back and bite you in the ass at some point no matter what you do to erase and take it back or how many years have passed it will come back no exceptions.

Make sure you play this reminder in your head before and during a conversation or an argument with the woman in your life ( This conversation maybe be monitored and recorded for quality of any future or delayed responses).

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I experience that most often in relationships and, of course, all of my relationships are with women, so my sample fof the universe is quite biased.

Guy13 · Answer

When any of us hear the word Drama… What do you envision but some 🦇 💩 Crazy GRL reliving in a rage something that happened four years ago OR some half of one sentence in an hour Communication Hell 🔥 scene.

WOMEN ‼️

Paris13 · Answer

Women. Resentment plays a Big Part in one's Heart. xxoo

EbeneezerGoode · Answer

Definitely women. I once got blocked by a woman I had been on a date with right, where I had wanted to see her again but she said she wasn't feeling it or whatever. She did the whole "hopefully we can still be friends" bit. I basically said in a very respectful way that I can't agree to that, that she knows I'm attracted to her so I'd like to keep seeing her but not if it's only as friends, explaining that I feel I have to be true to myself and to her.

So she blocked me on Facebook. So whatever I moved on, never spoke to her again... and then a week later she randomly blocked me on whatsapp. So it was almost as if she was trying to get a reaction after blocking me first on FB, then after a week when I didn't do anything she blocked me on whatsapp. But she was the one who turned me down.. so I don't get why she blocked me. She was annoyed at me for not responding the way she wanted me to respond to getting rejected? She wanted me to chase her or beg her or something? Lol I don't know. Anyway that's one particularly striking example... like she seemed to be holding a grudge against me despite that she rejected me, just because I didn't respond how she wanted me to respond to her rejecting me?

I'm sure there are other examples I can't think of right now... I dunno' like a girl who unfriended me because she did some editing work on my film then decided she was too busy to finish editing the film, so I had to finish editing it myself but I still credited her as an editor on the film despite that she didn't want me to (she wanted me to edit again myself from scratch and not credit her... like wtf I'm not starting again from scratch just because you're too busy to finish what you started). So again it's like.. shouldn't I be the one who's annoyed and be unfriending her? But I didn't, she unfriended me lol. And her boyfriend didn't unfriend me... for a little extra context. But she just felt she had to make a passive aggressive statement or something I guess.

Random_g · Answer

Once I read that

" women forgive but don't forget, while men don't forgive but forget "

But I don't know how accurate is that, for me I naturally don't hold grudges because I hardly take anything personal, I always try to think on the other's behalf for what may led to this, then take action based on my conclusion to prevent future damage, then eventually I just forget... By nature I forget soooooo easily, it's like my mind is so ready to get rid of unnecessary memories (I think it's kind of self defense? )

HanSulu · Answer

Men never hold a grudge if they are still attracted to the woman. Women are much wiser and will hold a grudge no matter how handsome the man. Plus, women can hold a grudge and the man will never know. Not all, but most. Men can't help but whine and shout when they are displeased. But this is all due to the fact men are never taught to handle feelings and women, unfortunately, can. But women are not treated will early on so they develop emotional strength. Most men never develop that. Sad. So parents, teach your boys, so they aren't emotionally empty.

SaoirseS · Answer

On a personal level, women do.  Men seem to hold onto grudges against women in general, history, and societal changes for freakin ever.

purplepoppy · Answer

Men. They get a tiny bit hurt once and for the rest of their lives they avoid woman

Anonymous · Answer

Women take the cake on this!

They remember, that on 27. April 2019 at 19:51:22 we didn't do the dishes and are still mad about it at us. FOREVER... we are mercilessly condemned for it!

And that's just one infraction out of 100s they have a photogenic memory of.

NathanDavis · Answer

I will go equal... because I've seen both older people that have been holding grudges for a life time, and at this point is kind of funny...

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

My experience matches yours. In general, more women than men hold grudges more often. They hold grudges for longer and very often for much pettier reasons.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

I said women tend to hold grudges more. Just my experience. I tend to be a "water under the bridge" kinda guy.

jshm2 · Answer

The amount of times I've had friends girlfriends fuck things up based on a slight that happened years ago...

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

Say what ever you wanna say, women hold grudges no matter how much they love their third choice, or fourth as a husband.

DaisyM23 · Answer

i can't speak for men obviously but talking from personal experience about me and other women i know... women DEFINITELY hold grudges more haha

Wade12345 · Answer

Women have a photographic memory for everything you've ever done wrong, right down to grammar and syntax mistakes too.

Msputiton · Answer

Base it off individuals not gender. I seen men go their entire life never speaking to eachother again. And i have seen women do it

Moose304 · Answer

I think they are about the same as a grudge in general. What I have noticed over the years is female grudges seem to be more visceral.

Alchemizt · Answer

Women. Burry a hatchet somewhere in the middle of the woods at midnight, years later she'll dig it up and slash you with it.

Anonymous · Answer

I think women do because they’ll bring up things from 20 years ago to use against you that you don’t even remember

Who holds a GRUDGE more... Men or Women?

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Women take the cake on this!