What is your greatest boundary preventing you from getting in a relationship?

[Twalli]

If you are in one, what was it.

Me

Others

I don't know, never had trouble getting in one

Updates

+1 y

Before I asked out my girlfriend, it was definitely me. I was so shy that even if a girl liked me in a similar way, I would be unlikely to talk to her much, and probably never ask her out.

[GoodManDave]

One: I think I will be traveling for work, if I start getting better clients more often. I'm concerned about the strain, so I'm kind of forcing myself to pretend to not be interested, at least for now. I'm concerned about time management and income.

Two: That's in addition to a lot of concerns I have with dating and getting into a serious relationship. I've had some bad relationships (luckily minor in the grand scheme), so I admit I'm a bit shy, but the way modern dating/relationship culture is going, I'm concerned about getting ruined while trying to maintain a job I love.

Many women I knew who lived in my area (at least the ones I tried talking to) seemed to hold out or expect that a man is supposed to earn at least upper 5 figures (if not six)... which means a LOT more work for me to get to that point (a position where some girls will be open to date), let alone trying to maintain a long distance relationship.

There are a few girls who I have considered trying to date recently, but if I'm on the road, that is going to be tough to maintain, so I'm not even going to try. Makes no sense to try to start something now when I'm not coming back to the area for a few months, and then leave again.

So while there's a part of me who would love to try for a relationship, I realize I'm not anywhere near being in an ideal position to put in all the effort to date. I'm not in a position to marry, either. I need to get to that point before trying to start any kind of relationship.

[es20490446e]

There are two main reasons why I haven't gotten into a relationship:

- I mostly dated people I really didn't trust. Yet I wasted time on them, because I projected my own value into them, aka that they will behave properly as I do.

- I didn't approach other people. I thought that if the woman was disgusted by someone just talking with them, I shall avoid that at all cost. But the truth is that some people are disgusted just by talking like humans these days, and it's their problem.

[DizzyDesii]

A minor one is that I want to feel like I look my best so there's never insecurity. A major one is that I want to get my flirting out the way so I don’t question my ability to commit. Another major one is that I want to choose as wisely as possible someone who’s already as close as possible to everything I’m looking for so that I’m never attempted to confide or seek comfort in another man who has what he lacks when I feel like the relationship is failing. I’m all for communication but sometimes the person still does not want to work on the issue. Then you meet someone who doesn't have that issue and you start to enjoy being around them more in an emotionally cheating type way to the point that you consider breaking up with the one you're with.

[LovingJo]

My own insecurities.

You need to like yourself, for others to like you, and you definitely have to know how to love yourself, before you are able to accept love off another. Otherwise you will become highly dependent on them for validation of your feelings, which isn't fair on you OR them!! Ultimately tearing you apart and leading to resentment!! 💯

[es20490446e]

Who is that "yourself"?

[red324]

I've been on countless dates with woken who were their own worse enemy. You couldn't convince them otherwise and with that being said I never got anywhere with these women

[LovingJo]

@red324 exactly

[red324]

I do online dating and I swear that's where all these women are.

[LovingJo]

Lol, probably

[es20490446e]

@red324 That's why I don't do online dating.

But I still find them in real life. The advantage is that I can see them coming.

[red324]

@es20490446e The ones that are normal are usually snatched up already.

[es20490446e]

@red324 True, I'm subnormal.

[LovingJo]

Thanks for the MHO 😘

[es20490446e]

It was the system, but nice reply nowadays 😛

[es20490446e]

Okay, this wasn't even my question... 😅

[coachTanthony]

For a long time it was my job. I was on the road 5 days a week and used that as the excuse.

[SteveSmith1985]

Me. Definitely. I don't have all my shit in order. That's nobody's fault but mine.

[es20490446e]

Maybe you are trying to do everything by yourself, instead of surrounding you with people that would uplift you.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Thats never actually a reason why someone is single.

[ShadezMcgee]

I would argue it was myself in the past. I overthink things and am always waiting for the other shoe to drop when I had something going. It was hard for me to voice how I truly felt about things because I was certain the women I was dating would get angry at me for having certain opinions or stand up to them when I saw ahit that bothered me.

[CheeseMonster]

Definitely me. Mostly because I don't want a relationship. If I wanted one, I could go ask for one, and it's not like everyone would say no. But I don't want to be in one for no reason. Also because of my body, everyone i know would definitely say no. So I'd have to ask strangers, and that's just an unnecessary physical risk. Definitely not gonna do that for no reason.

[MrNameless]

Partially myself. Like there's always something I could do better (my profile and initiating more dates), and I do have a certain type I'm going for. But when I go on a date I'm usually ready. But I feel like online dating has ruined the experience for me (and many people). People are less patient and always want the next best thing.

[MrNameless]

I'll say 50-50 at least. What's worse is I keep going back to someone I'm talking to who is not datable and I feel used. Ugh.

[PinkRose24]

I live in California and most of the guys here don't share my morals or values. I'm independent leaning more conservative. A lot of guys here are full blown progressive. Also I noticed a lot of guys here are not assertive and won't tell you they think you're beautiful even when it's obvious they like you. I'm not saying they're bad people. Just not my cup of tea.

🤷‍♀️ I like assertive, masculine men.

[TheSpaceGnome]

None of the above.

My issue is the extreme scarcity of atheistic, artisically talented, hardcore gamers in the female population, which also like science, sci-fi, fantasy, and anime, and does not partake in any alcohol/smoking/drugs, within 10 years up or down of my age.

[TheSpaceGnome]

And also doesn't want or have kids.

[TheSpaceGnome]

And isn't scared of creepy crawly type pets.

[DarkCarousel]

My career— My job has a wide reach into my small community. I am cautious because of my professional boundaries.
Also, I am very cautious about who I let into my life so I’ve never dated casually. It has always been serious.

[Lionman95]

A mix of me and others. Me because I don´t like flirting I´m not good and I´m not comfortable either. But at the same time I´m mostly sourrounded by women already taken or women that identify as lesbian.

[TheVigilantFox]

I am the boundary, I’m not dealing with other peoples s**t, sort yourself out before you even come near me.


If you don’t have your s**t together then I’m not your man.

[melanieeeB]

Right now, it's me and my lack of wanting to be in one lol

[fonduegirl]

I hate smokers. I was pursuing someone, but I stopped as soon as I realised they smoke. He was my ideal, and nobody's perfect, but I simply can't overlook my boundaries.

[SnowedIn]

Probably my wife.

Just kidding... I'm not looking to get in a relationship but, if I was, marriage would be the boundary.

:)

[SlothySlob]

I am the one who does not actively look for a partner, so this is entirely my fault or "in my hands" so to say.

[AsaKyo]

- Area I live in
- Low self-esteem
- Not extremely independent
- Ethnicity
- My brain is a literal fucking cesspool of negativity

And probably more

[poneglyphs]

Definitely me and insecurities and feeling like I'm jot good enough to date at the moment. Also, just accepting that I will be alone and be happy with it

[es20490446e]

What would be good enough to be liked by another person?

[poneglyphs]

@es20490446e probably for me is when I get a car, move out of my parents house and finding someone who likes me.

[es20490446e]

My own brother has a great girlfriend, and meets none of those requirements.

[poneglyphs]

@es20490446e oh, cool. Well, I don't feel wanted or liked if I don't have that 🥺🥺🥺

[smashleyy]

Trust issues. Trying to work through it but currently failing😂

[Nikki1989]

Relationships are easy to find if you put in some real effort.

[red324]

Nobody puts in any effort. I get like two dates and they bail after not knowing hardly anything about me

[MrNameless]

uh.. how many relationships have you been in, and when was the last time you were single? It's a lot harder now than it was 10-20 years ago. Online dating and social media has made people more picky and always want the best thing. And people are also more socially awkward.

Back in the day was so much simpler. You'd meet a woman face to face, exchange phone numbers and call them. Now most people our generation don't even like to call, and ghosting is normal.

[red324]

@MrNameless I'm assuming you're talking to Nikki

[MrNameless]

@red324 yes!

[AmyHew1tt]

My allergies, probably. And where I live. I as a person probably come into it somewhat.

[LiamJHayden]

Getting in is not an issue. Maintaining one is once it becomes clear that marriage is not happening.

[AdithyaR]

My boundary is that I'm just fundamentally undateable. Simple.

[es20490446e]

You mean you make yourself undateable.

[AdithyaR]

Nah it's just how I am, was always this way. Didn't have to do anything to make myself like this.

[es20490446e]

The natural state of humans is to do something, otherwise we would be plants 🪴

Not doing something is actually because doing something, just not the right something.

[AdithyaR]

Well then I guess I don't know the right thing for it. Which is okay, I do the right thing for a lot of other things.

[Jamie05rhs]

My ethics. I do not believe in the concept of "Pursuit."

[NostalgiaSenpi]

Me. No one is ever interested in. The only constant was me. I'm not good enough for anyone.

[msc545]

Sanity and a sense of self-preservation prevent it.

[Flower7]

Because I don’t like people very much…

[malwins]

This

[Bricealan]

I feel that way sometimes too.

[NathanDavis]

none... I am just not looking for it

[emmaa1]

Me and commitment issues always

[Guy13]

Work….

[BJP21]

Compatibility has been a big one for me or age.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Financially not strong enough.

[Aliceinwonderland92]

I'm ugly and I have a lousy personality.