If your unsure what you and your partner are anymore , how would you act?

Question

Not sure what to define the relationship as. Definitely best friend. Love, benefits, future. But would it be wrong to treat him like just a buddy even though I love him? I’ve even made jokes about him and other girls, like bantering, what guys do. But he gets mad. He gets mad when we talk about our lives and I exclude myself. Like saying “ I know your gonna have a happy future once you figure things out” … I mean it to be uplifting and positive. We don’t act like a couple except for sex and living together, and spending time together. But he gets mad when I talk to him like a platonic friend. Like when we talk about plans that I assume I’m not a part of, or if I joke about a girl. I can’t just treat him like a boyfriend when I’m not sure if that’s what he is.

MaazHussain · Accepted Answer

It sounds like you and your partner are in a confusing situation with your relationship. It's important to have open and honest communication to clarify where you both stand and what you both want from the relationship. It's understandable to want to treat your partner like a platonic friend if you're unsure about the nature of your relationship, but it's also important to acknowledge and respect their feelings and boundaries.

It might be helpful to have a conversation with your partner about how you both see the relationship and what you both want from it. Try to approach the conversation from a place of understanding and empathy, and be open to hearing their perspective and concerns.

If you're feeling uncertain about your future together, it's important to be honest with yourself and your partner. It's okay to take time to figure out what you want and what's best for you. However, it's also important to communicate your thoughts and feelings with your partner, so that you're both on the same page and can make informed decisions about your relationship.

Remember, relationships are about mutual respect, communication, and understanding. Take the time to reflect on your feelings and desires, and work towards finding a resolution that works for both you and your partner.

SnowedIn · Accepted Answer

Great question! I wouldn't act -- I'd talk to him. I know -- you say that you already do, except based on what you wrote it's not a serious, sit down, "what are we" conversation. Again, based on what you wrote it sounds like there's assumptions being made by both of you. My gut tells me that he would be shocked to hear you not think that you guys are anything other than committed lovers, boyfriend/girlfriend etc. When, apparently, you don't think so.

Please have this serious conversation with him. Don't act, don't guess, don't banter. Just straight talk.

Anemone978 · Accepted Answer

It's fine to joke around together... but the excluding yourself from future conversations and stuff must make him feel you don't love him. It would seem you are not serious about staying with him or the relationship.. I suggest not treating him like a buddy because when you will want romance or for him to see you as not a buddy... he won't and that can become lonely...

LazerBean · Accepted Answer

This whole situation is a result of a gross lack of communication. Start communicating, and then act according to whatever roles you decide each of you have.

coachTanthony · Answer

One day you both might decide you're this but things change over time and that conversation needs to be had once again if at all. So it's not about how one acts it's about clarity at this point.

Guy13 · Answer

I would try one time to find out and if dead silence I am done. Dating and will have written her off as "childish, too much drama, and ultimately not Relationship material"...

OlderAndWiser · Answer

f my girlfriend talked to me like we were "just" friends, I would think she was telling me that she doesn't love me. That would be quite upsetting.

Avicenna · Answer

Time to talk to him and figure out what each of you wants

mstbooblover · Answer

The bond of people living together becomes very strong time passing by, even if you got tired of each other. I don't see to what end one would wonder what they are for each other, because it means there's doubt and no real alternative in sight. If you love each other, just try to take into account each other's sensibilities and susceptibilities.

Now, the way you describe how you exclude yourself when thinking and talking of the future may mean deep down you want to leave your partner. My grandmother often said: "in case of doubt, don't..."

ShiftingMonke · Answer

It sounds like you've already decided for him, in your heart, and it's too convenient for you to say it out loud to him.

He, on the other hand, can tell the water temperature is changing, and your jokes probably sound like you're just toying with his emotions.

Save his spirit and just be up front with him.

Fireguy17 · Answer

Tht can be tough.
it is like 2 people living in the same house.
You start to wonder just why are we still together?

It may be time to ask yourself is this what I want and will be happy with for the rt of my life, or am I just settling?
This has to be your call what happens, especially if he won't talk about it.
Life is short, and it is always more enjoyable with the right partner.
one that shares the same goals as you.

summiter · Answer

It does seem like there is some disconnect. Can you sit down with him and you each talk about what you each want out of the relationship? Maybe seeking a counselor would be helpful for both of you.

elizamichale1 · Answer

well it seems he is clear n wants to be with u honey n u r yet to make up ur mind if he is the right guy for u... u just need to work it out where do u stand honey

LiliTyaka · Answer

I would try to speak to him being open about what He wants and what i want and then finding a solution :)

Nikki1989 · Answer

You have to be on the same page or the relationship will hit a brick wall sooner or later.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

act the way you do till you decide to make changes.  wasting time

NostalgiaSenpi · Answer

Id ask for an in-depth discussion on what's next. Chances are, you could figure out what you'd both like and be back to the boyfriend and girlfriend stage if things go right.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

If I don't know what the relationship is anymore I wouldn't stay in. Maybe you and him need to ralk so you can have a clear cut answer on exactly what it is that you to have so your not caught off guard by anything

rienna888 · Answer

talk to him to learn where you guys are, you need to or you’ll always be wondering and that causes much unneeded stress

Juxtapose · Answer

You're 38 and you haven't figured out how to have a heart to heart conversation yet?

Hanrej · Answer

Well... Then perhaps you should define what you are since it seems to me he wants the two of you to be just that.

Anonymous · Answer

wow you're a piece of shit. you're engaged but living with a guy having sex not knowing what you and him are get the fuck outta here. don't waste our time with bullshit like this

Anonymous · Answer

Probably cold. I don't pretend for anyone. I give the same energy that is shown me. And I'm totally fine with being alone.

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

Honestly, that's not a relationship. Just a disaster waiting to happen.

krin_m · Answer

Talk to him about this issue and seek help from a couples counselor.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Sounds like a very "modern" relationship.

Iron_Man · Answer

I would straighten it out right away

OddBeMe · Answer

If we’re not human, that’s an issue for me.

Guardian45 · Answer

I always aim to make my SO my BFF

In_Trance · Answer

Have a conversation with them

Anonymous · Answer

I love your lips, would could make out in Tijuana

If your unsure what you and your partner are anymore , how would you act?

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