If your unsure what you and your partner are anymore , how would you act?

[Juicyred921]

Not sure what to define the relationship as. Definitely best friend. Love, benefits, future. But would it be wrong to treat him like just a buddy even though I love him? I’ve even made jokes about him and other girls, like bantering, what guys do. But he gets mad. He gets mad when we talk about our lives and I exclude myself. Like saying “ I know your gonna have a happy future once you figure things out” … I mean it to be uplifting and positive. We don’t act like a couple except for sex and living together, and spending time together. But he gets mad when I talk to him like a platonic friend. Like when we talk about plans that I assume I’m not a part of, or if I joke about a girl. I can’t just treat him like a boyfriend when I’m not sure if that’s what he is.

Updates

1 y

Just to clarify, I’m very much in love with this guy. I would be happy to spend the rest of my life with him. He says he loves me. He talks about having a future together. But then he’ll say, “ I can’t promise the future. Who knows where life will take us. But you’ll always hold a place in my heart.” That kind of shit. Mixed signals. Like he wants a future with me but doesn’t know if it’ll happen. He treats me like a buddy with benefits.(aka no romance, no intimacy, no affection)

Updates

1 y

And I’m not gonna lie. There are times where my trust wavers. But I’m not sure if it’s my low self esteem messing with my head or if I should really be worried. Like he has a decent amount of pretty girls on his Facebook. Doesn’t message them though. And I know he’s been talking to his ex lately. He tries to hide it from me. But they were more friends than a couple. Not exclusive. But there messaging seems strictly friendly.

[MaazHussain]

It sounds like you and your partner are in a confusing situation with your relationship. It's important to have open and honest communication to clarify where you both stand and what you both want from the relationship. It's understandable to want to treat your partner like a platonic friend if you're unsure about the nature of your relationship, but it's also important to acknowledge and respect their feelings and boundaries.

It might be helpful to have a conversation with your partner about how you both see the relationship and what you both want from it. Try to approach the conversation from a place of understanding and empathy, and be open to hearing their perspective and concerns.

If you're feeling uncertain about your future together, it's important to be honest with yourself and your partner. It's okay to take time to figure out what you want and what's best for you. However, it's also important to communicate your thoughts and feelings with your partner, so that you're both on the same page and can make informed decisions about your relationship.

Remember, relationships are about mutual respect, communication, and understanding. Take the time to reflect on your feelings and desires, and work towards finding a resolution that works for both you and your partner.

[SnowedIn]

Great question! I wouldn't act -- I'd talk to him. I know -- you say that you already do, except based on what you wrote it's not a serious, sit down, "what are we" conversation. Again, based on what you wrote it sounds like there's assumptions being made by both of you. My gut tells me that he would be shocked to hear you not think that you guys are anything other than committed lovers, boyfriend/girlfriend etc. When, apparently, you don't think so.

Please have this serious conversation with him. Don't act, don't guess, don't banter. Just straight talk.

[Anemone978]

It's fine to joke around together... but the excluding yourself from future conversations and stuff must make him feel you don't love him. It would seem you are not serious about staying with him or the relationship.. I suggest not treating him like a buddy because when you will want romance or for him to see you as not a buddy... he won't and that can become lonely...

[LazerBean]

This whole situation is a result of a gross lack of communication. Start communicating, and then act according to whatever roles you decide each of you have.

[coachTanthony]

One day you both might decide you're this but things change over time and that conversation needs to be had once again if at all. So it's not about how one acts it's about clarity at this point.

[Guy13]

I would try one time to find out and if dead silence I am done. Dating and will have written her off as "childish, too much drama, and ultimately not Relationship material"...

[OlderAndWiser]

f my girlfriend talked to me like we were "just" friends, I would think she was telling me that she doesn't love me. That would be quite upsetting.

[Avicenna]

Time to talk to him and figure out what each of you wants

[mstbooblover]

The bond of people living together becomes very strong time passing by, even if you got tired of each other. I don't see to what end one would wonder what they are for each other, because it means there's doubt and no real alternative in sight. If you love each other, just try to take into account each other's sensibilities and susceptibilities.

Now, the way you describe how you exclude yourself when thinking and talking of the future may mean deep down you want to leave your partner. My grandmother often said: "in case of doubt, don't..."

[ShiftingMonke]

It sounds like you've already decided for him, in your heart, and it's too convenient for you to say it out loud to him.

He, on the other hand, can tell the water temperature is changing, and your jokes probably sound like you're just toying with his emotions.

Save his spirit and just be up front with him.

[Fireguy17]

Tht can be tough.
it is like 2 people living in the same house.
You start to wonder just why are we still together?

It may be time to ask yourself is this what I want and will be happy with for the rt of my life, or am I just settling?
This has to be your call what happens, especially if he won't talk about it.
Life is short, and it is always more enjoyable with the right partner.
one that shares the same goals as you.

[summiter]

It does seem like there is some disconnect. Can you sit down with him and you each talk about what you each want out of the relationship? Maybe seeking a counselor would be helpful for both of you.

[elizamichale1]

well it seems he is clear n wants to be with u honey n u r yet to make up ur mind if he is the right guy for u... u just need to work it out where do u stand honey

[Juicyred921]

I know where I stand. I want to be with him. Have a future with him. But I’m scared. If I act like his girlfriend and be all lovey and he doesn’t feel them same. Then I’ll feel dumb and reject.

[elizamichale1]

Yeah true.. i hope it works out for u honey

[midnightmoon05]

act the way you do till you decide to make changes.

wasting time

[midnightmoon05]

Update. Wasting time.
This will affect your low self esteem even more.
A guy who loves you will not make you will this way. He is also disrespectful to you by having unfinished business with an ex.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

Id ask for an in-depth discussion on what's next. Chances are, you could figure out what you'd both like and be back to the boyfriend and girlfriend stage if things go right.

[Bklynbadboy12]

If I don't know what the relationship is anymore I wouldn't stay in. Maybe you and him need to ralk so you can have a clear cut answer on exactly what it is that you to have so your not caught off guard by anything

[LiliTyaka]

I would try to speak to him being open about what He wants and what i want and then finding a solution :)

[rienna888]

talk to him to learn where you guys are, you need to or you’ll always be wondering and that causes much unneeded stress

[Juxtapose]

You're 38 and you haven't figured out how to have a heart to heart conversation yet?

[Juicyred921]

It’s complicated. My only other relationship was my ex. We were together 15 years. He wasn’t open to heart to heart conversations. He just got mad and blamed me for everything.

[Juxtapose]

Why were you together for 15 years with somebody who could not communicate?

[Juicyred921]

I thought I was stuck. Couldn’t do any better. Afraid I couldn’t support myself. Worried about my daughter. Besides, he moved us to a state where I had no one, no family or friends for support. He did it to make sure I wouldn’t leave him.

[Juxtapose]

Well at least you're not trapped anymore.

[Nikki1989]

You have to be on the same page or the relationship will hit a brick wall sooner or later.

[Hanrej]

Well... Then perhaps you should define what you are since it seems to me he wants the two of you to be just that.

[Anonymous]

wow you're a piece of shit. you're engaged but living with a guy having sex not knowing what you and him are get the fuck outta here. don't waste our time with bullshit like this

[Juicyred921]

It’s a lot more complicated than you think. Just wayyyy too much to type out. And far too much for anyone to want to read. It’s a lifetime movies worth of events and problems. If anyone actually cared to know the whole thing, I’d tell them. But no one cares.

[Opinion Owner]

no it's YOU who's overcomplicating things because you want to have your cake and eat it too. You have NO self control and just looking for excuses to cheat and all you want to do is have guys chase you and screw with their emotions because you get an ego boost from it. It's a power trip for you which you're high on

[Opinion Owner]

You just want to be with multiple guys that's your problem the situation isn't over complicated YOU ARE you just want to screw around and lead guys on because you get an egoboost and a power trip from fucking guys over playing with their emotions like they're your toys. So quit making excuses for your bullshit behavior and GROW UP

[Juicyred921]

Wow! You have no idea how wrong you are. I have no intention to be with anyone else other than him. I’m very much in love with him. I have no desire to cheat or hook up with anyone else at all.

[Opinion Owner]

Really? then why are you living with another guy and screwing him when you're engaged?

[Juicyred921]

It’s the same guy. The one I live with is the one I got engaged to. There’s only one guy on my life. There’s no one else. It’s just a very confusing situation. He treats me like a friend except for the occasional bjs and sex. He talks about our future plans, like getting a house together. We haven’t talked about the wedding and I don’t have ring. Im scared that he asked me just cause he was scared of losing me. It’s just a weird relationship.

[Anonymous]

Probably cold. I don't pretend for anyone. I give the same energy that is shown me. And I'm totally fine with being alone.

[CuriousMufuxka]

Honestly, that's not a relationship. Just a disaster waiting to happen.