Is comfortable silence in a relationship good or bad?

[Breadpeople7]

*Relationship going on nine months* We're able to do free time/weekend activities and enjoy our time together without saying much or anything at all. My boyfriend doesn't talk much and neither do I but we always find ways to communicate our needs when necessary (able to resolve and make up after fights too). The only thing that bothers me sometimes is that everyday we don't really talk enough or have a full, deep conversation unless it's before bed or just after waking up in the morning. Throughout the day he might check on me and ask me how I'm doing (or vice versa), but most of the time I'm working or he's doing his own thing. I've asked him about his thoughts on this but he didn't think there was anything wrong with our "lack of communication" as I like to call it. He seems happy with where we're at currently, but I have my occasional doubts.

[SteveSmith1985]

If the silences are comfortable, then that's usually a good sign. If you're both happy with things, then that's all that matters. But... it sounds like you do need to break your silence to talk about your silences sometimes.

You need to voice those doubts when you have them. To him. That way, he can tell you himself that you have nothing to worry about. Or, if for whatever reason there's merit to your doubts, it's a chance to work on fixing things (if something turns out to need fixing).

So overall I think there's nothing wrong with this. Right up until you've got things you're wondering about but not asking. Then... the silence needs to be broken. Generally though. If your happy, and he's happy, then there's nothing wrong with as much silence as there happens to be. 🙂

[dynamicyandere]

If there truly are no unspoken or unresolved issues, then I’d say it’s neutral.


Perhaps your relationship will progress a bit slower, but as long as important things are communicated, I don’t see it being inherently wrong.


I suppose a good question to ask yourselves is, are you two drifting closer together or further apart as this silence continues?


Every relationship is different, but every relationship can be assessed with that measuring stick.


My SO and I are hyper-aware about us drifting closer or further apart. We both want to grow closer over time, so if one of us ever notices the slightest decrease in closeness, we’ll speak up and we work somethig out.


Best of luck to you. 🤞

[ShiftingMonke]

I'll agree with Dynamic; as long as you both are comfortable, that's what really matters. If you feel it's an issue, then it should be discussed. But you shouldn't base your comfort on the desires of others. Some people can't function in silence.

[rachel776]

[In_Trance]

if it's comfortable, how would it be bad?