I've been in a relationship for a year and one month, and my girlfriend is very kind to me, she loves me, is willing to communicate about issues when fights happen, and has excepted me when I’ve indulged her with very personal secrets, and yet I constantly feel this deep feeling of emptiness, I constantly think of how much I want to break things off, we argue often over little things, and I more often than not, I would rather cut ties then try to fix things… but seeing her sad / crying is very painful for me… she’s a good person who loves me… we have different views on morals, humor, politics, and tend to find ourselves arguing about those subjects when brought up in conversation, I love deep conversations, I even enjoy friendly debates about opposing opinions, but she takes everything very personal, and struggles to remain focused for very long, so conversation tend to turn into endless tangents, or end prematurely, due to her not wanting to disgust them. But I really crave long form discussions in my relationship / friendships… we only have a few things that we can do as a couple besides the occasional date, watch some movies, go out to eat, hang out with our mutual friend group, or sex… I don’t feel like I’m in love with this person… but breaking up would make a lot of things very uncomfortable and complicated, our friend group would be shocked, they probably would still want me and her to still hang out with them, I have a good relationship with her mother… I’d be much further away from my friends if I didn’t handout at her house on the weekends because she lives closer to town… I’d probably not enjoy being single very much, because dating isn’t very fun for me, and I’m not the going out to bars type… it would most likely be very lonely… and on top of everything else… hurting my girlfriend is very hard for me… but I know being honest and allowing her to move on would be the healthiest move… can anyone relate to my situation or have advise?
Settling in a Relationship / Not Feeling Love for Someone?
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I don’t think it’s wise or healthy for you to settle. If you’ve ever broken up with someone before then you know it’s not easy. Nobody wants to be responsible for a broken heart but unfortunately there’s no getting around that. Fortunately you two don’t have kids or major assets combined, the biggest concern is how your friend group would take it but they would just learn to navigate it on their own.
I’ve broken of with about 8 different women and been broken up with like 3 times myself… also been cheated on a few times… but this girl has treated me better then all my ex’s… that’s why it feels extra shitty…
It’s rough! Back in 2017 I ended a 5 year relationship, we also had a close friend group that we were super involved in; bday parties, trips, 3 weddings, 1 funeral. Breaking up was tough on everyone and it was hard for me to do it but he could see it on my face before I even had to say anything. Looking back at it now, and my new relationship, I’m so glad I did it because I would’ve never met this amazing person had I let all those things keep me stuck. I know you don’t want to hurt her but if it’s the eighth thing to do then you’ve got to ride the wave.
Also not trying to compare stories, just trying to relay that I get your position and how hard it is first hand, it has to be done though I’d you aren’t happy.
Oh no, I enjoy to hear about other people’s experiences, no offense taken, it’s nice to hear a woman perspective on my situation… I hope I can work up the courage to do the right thing with the least amount of long term damage… thank you so much for your feedback!!
I’m sure you will find the right way. Wishing you luck!🙏