Am I doing something wrong or am I choosing the wrong person?

[Anonymous]

Here is the situation I made dinner then let my boyfriend relax for a little bit, I tried to have a discussion with him about our lease renewal/if he wants to buy a house, if so then how he would need to help plan more financially, he is almost 30 and doesn’t have a savings account even tho he makes 40,000-50,000 a year he is always working and thinking about work, I told him that he needs to think more about either getting a job that pays just as much that won’t over work him or finding a job he could work his way up in and make more for his time, I rarely bring these things up bc there seems to never be a good time, he always just tells me he wants to relax and not talk about it, that’s what happened this time as well, he just started telling me how stressed he was and how if I want a man with more money I should find him, that if he loses me because he doesn’t want to deal with more stress then so be it. I asked him if I was the one causing his stress and he said as of right now you are I don’t even want to be around you and started cussing. I was just shocked because this seems like such a necessary conversation and we have been together for 3 years/ live together for almost2. I took it really hard because I am very all or nothing in my relationships and I would never say that to him. I don’t really know if what I’m asking for is to much because everyone has different perspectives and standards, he always talks about having nice things and slightly above the middle class life style, which is what I would be happy with and have already achieved but he really isn’t even planning for it, he sometimes asks me if I want to chip in for things when I really want him to make what I see as better choices with his energy.

[Finchie40]

The fact that your boyfriend works is a good thing so be thankful for that , finding a new job that pays more and is less stressful isn’t easy to come by , especially nowadays , because sadly
Most people today don’t want to work , so many companies are falling apart because they can’t get workers making it more stressful on people that actually go to work every day , so right now almost every job is stressful , one thing I learned in life with jobs, is usually the more you make, the more stress that comes with it , so yes it’s nice making a bigger salary to live more comfortable but are your really living more Comfortable if the job os requiring you to dedicate your whole life to it? So you have to ask yourself is money really worth the stress that comes with it? Some jobs require you to focus your whole life around that job and act like the place would fall apart, if you aren’t giving yourself to it 24/7 , Leaving you stuck thinking to yourself is it really worth it? It’s easy for us to think oh I will just find another job that is less stressful and make more money but sadly that isn’t that easy especially knowing a million other people are going for that same job , I have always been a worker , and all the nonsense I went through all the years being a dedicated worker has helped me land where am I at today, but I am not stress free but I am grateful for my job to a certain extent , it sounds like Your boyfriend is just stuck in a rut , meaning he isn’t really sure on what direction to turn , instead of being stressed and worrying about your future with him , why don’t you encourage him to start looking for another job if he is that stressed at his current job , don’t put money over is head , cuz sadly Money isn’t everything and tell him it doesn’t hurt to weigh his options , One thing I always do on my spare time , is look for other job opportunities and inquire about them and weigh my options , if they are interested in me , I ask a lot of questions before making a final decision, Just don’t let the money help make your final decision , cuz sadly money isn't everything, if the job requires a lot of stress that comes with it , it might not be worth it , most jobs that pay a higher salary are paying higher salaries to suck you in so you can be their slave basically, so be careful with that shit. Most companies look for workers that are dedicated , if they receive a resume from someone that bounces from Job to job they more Than likely will overlook their resume and feel like they are a waste of time , because they can’t be trusted , so if your boyfriend has been at the same job for a long time, he will have a better chance at getting offers from other companies if he is a job hopper then he won’t be trusted , so again stop holding money over his head, How long has he been working l at his current job? And if you want tp buy a house it’s better for him to be at the same job for at least 5 years or mortgage companies will deny you

[devilish-cutie]

He made it loud and clear that he will not change anything... or fight for you if that is a dealbreaker. If a guy is not willing to fight for you Id take that very badly. You need to think about is this a dealbreaker for you in this relationship cause if you cannot openly talk with your partner it is very very bad. You may waste years of your life on something that doesn't work. If you marry this guy he will be the same, he won't change or he might change but very unlikely cause people rarely change. You may try to talk to him once more eg. tell him to tell you when is the good time to talk to about it to him and that this is very important to you so much that it questions the whole relationship