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My boyfriend proposed but I don’t wanna marry him? (Page 2)
Anonymous
(25-29) 
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There’s no way of getting out of this without hurting someone. If you stay, you’ll be denying him the right to marry someone who truly loves and wants to marry him and wants to care for his child as their own. If you go, you’ll crush his heart. He’ll heal eventually, but it will hurt him for a while. Situation one is unfair to both of you and situation two would break his heart. We can’t really tell you what to do, only you can decide what’s best.
Uhm say no and break up. Easy. You made a huge mistake and now have to carry the consequences
Honestly you should have let him know all that what you told us from the get go, so he could've have made his own decisions if he just wants to have fun too or well leave.
"Ey yo, I don't want this. All right?"
I mean i'm sour rose, so I'll say it how it is. You wanna be pissed at me, block me, shoot me, fine. I won't have to deal with the regret of not speaking my mind. Sooo ya know, use something like that to say that you don't want this. If he sees you as the bad guy, so be it. you said what ya said.
You're not the bad guy. Shit happens.
Stay in the relationship and let it take it's course. Tell him you don't want to marry someone with a kid, and let him decide what to do.
If he wants to stay with you and keep trying to get you to marry him, that's on him, not you.
And I'm not a Devil's advocate. I've been in the same position you are now.
Around year 4, I changed my mind and actually did wanna marry her. Maybe you will too
The fact that she didn't want to marry him because of his child and not him. There was already a hole in step 1. I doubt she will change her mind in year 5 or 6. It will probably just be worse for both of them having to start over after all that time togehter. I think the sooner they can find someone more compatible and who they can readily accept (the past, the present and the future), the better. The fact that she is already asking people here about it, is already a warning sign that things are NOT going to work out in the long run. Staying would be MORE of a waste of both their time if I may say.
Fair enough
SHE IS THE BAD GUY! The type of bad guy that people ACTUVELY AVOID and hope NEVER to get unto a relationship with. Heart crushers.
Fuck off people
You can't. You need to be honest, tell him you were just using him, break up, and yes, you are the "bad guy" here, and he will see that, and he will hate you for it.
Thats whats gonna happen, be it sooner, or later, and there isn't really anything you can do about it.
You are a horrible person for leading him on for 2 weeks, let alone 2 years... time to face the conseqences. 🤷🏻
Woah two weeks? That's a little harsh given that maybe he didn't disclose of his child till week two! Also, that's really not a long time to process things!
@TenderFantasy No.
Day one you should be asking if he has any kids, once you found out, you should have ended it then.
Sorry but I would break up. I feel like this is something that needs to be discussed before starting a relationship with that person. Like kids too for example. Not everyone wants kids. It's the same thing with marriage. You kept him hanging unfortunately so that kind of makes you the bad guy. But even the bad guy can do the right thing.
Huff life is not glitter and sparkles. How is he with his kid? Is that behavior something you can picture you want as a father for your kid? If so then what's the problem? There is no guarantee at all, non what so ever that you will find someone new that is kind and nice, that will be good to you and a good father. You can not choose everything in life, sometimes you simply have to enjoy what you got because there is deep down nothing wrong with what you got.
Out of the kindness of your heart you should do him a favor & breakup with him because he’s looking for something you are unable to help him out with.
The right girl is out there for him & unfortunately it isn’t you.
LMAO 🤣 Good fucking luck. You let this go for two years making him think you two will spend your lives together. And he thought you accepted his daughter when he had no idea you truly felt this way from the beginning. Have fun telling him what your true feelings are.
Also, don’t expect any kind of sympathy from us when he falls heartbroken after he finds out you lead him on throughout the whole relationship.
The things you religious people do to eachother is baffling. Communication is number one priority! Always! Or it will just cause problems. But if him having a kid is the only problem, yeah thats very weird. Why would you let go of someone just because if that? Is that really the only problem with him?
I don’t want a blended family. I don’t like dealing with baby mamas. That’s just not what I want for myself
I understand. But still over reacting. I myself don't want kids. But if she's the one, I'm taking the shot. Have you even met the mom?
if you didn't want to marry him in the future, because of the kid, you should have ended it there... you are causing more heartbreak than is necessary... don't wanna get too serious, yet continues for 2 years... i don't feel sorry for you. just pack up your shit and leave i guess.
Did you ever mention to him that you didn't want to date anyone with a kid? I'm going to guess no, because if he's a self respecting man which he appears to be based on how you've described him, then he wouldn't have entertained you for 3 years.
I told him I only want one kid of my own but never had the heart to tell him that I don’t want a blended family.
That was cruel of you to waste his time then. you're allowed to want what you want, but you robbed him of the option to go after what he wants, by not telling him straight up that you never wanted anything too serious with him. Now he wants to marry you, spend money on a ring, and wasted 3 years of his life with a woman that had ulterior motives all the long. He may have continued to entertain you if you told him that you didn't want anything serious like marriage, but Im betting he might not have, and that's precisely why you made the conscious and selfish decision to keep that information from him.. This is why so many today couldn't care less about marriage. Shame on you.
Nope ! That’s not y I didn’t tell him. I actually kinda told him but he took it some other way and I just went with the flow. In the beginning What I told him was that I wanted to have fun and feel free. His response to that was taking me out and showing me a good time. He was showing me a lot of attention and I liked it. But I never told him I wanted to marry him so I don't know y he would think that’s an option. Anytime marriage came up I changed the subject. How could he not catch on?
Smh, take note fellas. This is why nice guys finish last most of the time. A lot of women will allow you to waste your time with them, simply because they like the attention, and they will justify that with "How could he not catch on". Meanwhile, theyre the same women complaining about men that pretend to like women just so they can sleep with them. So as a man in todays dating market, its important for you to see these kinds of women as the red flags that they are, before you end up like the poor guy that bought a ring and proposed to this girl after 3 years. I dont even know him, and I feel second hand embarrassment for him.. As me today, we've gotta do a better job of teaching other men how to avoid these kinds of situations. That being said, its important to know that emotionally immature women come in all shapes and sizes, but they almost always share a deep rooted insecurity that tends to stem from a troubled childhood. These kinds of women tend to communicate via passive aggression, because they never developed the ability to communicate their thoughts and emotions in healthy ways as children. Essentially, they are emotionally indistinguishable from the average child.
Next, emotionally immature women will find it terrifying to acknowledge when they've done something wrong or inconsiderate, as displayed here by this girls last comment, after I pointed out how inconsiderate she was of the guy she's been dating for three years. This kind of self serving behavior is aligned with narcissism, but it's worth mentioning that not all people that display narcissistic qualities are actually narcissists. Lastly, the key to identifying this behavior, is to pay attention to how a woman carries herself. Does she need to be half naked to feel good about herself? Does she ever take accountability when she is wrong, or does she always blame someone else? Is she self aware, or working towards it? Does she manage her money well? This is in no way an exhaustive list, but its a great start to protecting yourselves from the growing amount of women that think this way today. Further, In a way she's not entirely wrong for basically saying that if a man is dumb enough to waste his time with her, then its his fault. So be smart fellas, and vet women before you invest your time and effort into them. Time is our most valuable resource, because none of us know how much of it we have, so be sure to treat it like the valuable resource it is. Good Luck.
You’re just judgmental and biased for your gender
I could say the same about you.
You can't get out of this without being the bad guy because that's who you are. You knew the situation, you led him on, and now you are going to cause him endless heartbreak which will take a few years to overcome. . . all because you were selfish and wanted to have some fun. Great work! Just fucking excellent!
It sounds to me like you have behaved selfishly in that you never made it clear to him that you would never marry him. You have, in essence, wasted two years of his life. So in that respect you are the "bad guy."
You get out it by finally being honest about it.
You're leading him on, keeping him until you find someone else. Not even honest enough to tell him you'll replace him someday, or you don't want to marry him.
Break up with him, he deserves a chance to find someone who won't use him like you do. You're a despicable human being.
You already are the bad guy. You entered the relationship knowing full well it wasn't serious and unless you told him that early on then you've wasted two years of his life leading him on when he could have used that time finding someone who wanted something more serious. You need to break things off as soon as possible and just accept the fact you're in the wrong, not for not wanting to marry him but for not disclosing your feelings at the beginning of the relationship
Break up with him. it's indecisive people like you that damage people and make them incapable of trusting people. he wants marriage you don't.
i really hope you're a troll. you really cannot understand how you are wrong? i never wish bad on people but if you really lack that much empathy and are so self-absorbed I hope the same thing happens to you.
Ofc I see where I f’d that’s y I’m asking for advice
but sweetheart, I've read through the thread you didn't seem to get the gravity of what you have done. Please please please don't do this to anyone again. Obvi I would NEVER say marry someone out of pity or guilt but being atrung along is the most heart-crushing thing you can do. It's worse than death. And men do not recover as easily frim these emotional injuries. This is how monsters are created.
You can’t. You ARE the bad guy. You entered into the relationship with zero intention of ever having a future with him. He obviously did not, loves you, and was stupid enough to believe that you too wanted a future. Guess he’s the sucker. Ya don’t.
Just apologize for not ending it sooner and let him know that his child is a dealbreaker for you. Don’t waste more of this unfortunate man’s time. And never have a relationship with a man who is already a father ever again.
If u kept your boundaries out since day one, then he crossed the line on his own.
I also don’t wanna be in a relationship w someone who’s divorced because if marriage ever came up then it would both be our first - so I hear ya.
Unfortunately you may have to be the bad guy.
But keep in mind, it’s not a “bad guy” thing- it’s a boundary.
Also, guys are with women a lot! And don’t want a relationship, so you’re fine Gurl!
I think it's called Standards or Preferrences. Having a child isn't a "Boundary" or a mistake that someone has crossed!
you idiot