How “real” do you consider virtual relationships to be?

Question

I’ve been talking exclusively to a guy for 8 years now. We know everything about each other but have primarily been texting, calling and FaceTiming for intimacy. We have only met a few times in person during these years and have never slept together physically even though we do things virtually due to our shared belief in no pre-marital sex. Someone recently told me this relationship is not real and that this is more like a video game so I wanted your opinion. How real do you feel virtual relationships are and does the fact that we didn’t consummate or have the majority of this happen in person invalidate what we had?

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

My view has changed on this funnily enough.

I used to think it was "less real" than an actual relationship. But then again, I didn't think the concept on an actual friendship with someone online was valid either.

I was proven wrong. More on the friends thing than the relationship thing (not having gotten involved in any romantic long-distance thing). But still, I do believe that what you've built over 8 years, is a connection and a closeness that's every-bit as real and "true" as a non-long-distance relationship.

I think a LDR has some inherent problems/challenges, but I don't think there's anything less valid about the connection you have. Or about your relationship. 🙂

Guy13 · Accepted Answer

We thrive when we seek Relationship even if it is misguided and clouded by an impulsive self-disclosure that feels Close although far away from the scrutiny and proximity of IRL (in real life).

To the committed, it is like they are right beside you and actually look 👀 like the image “dating” profile you are engaging. All the time, you are the one being Profiled.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Accepted Answer

8 years? With no effort in it becoming a real committed in person relationship? I’m sorry but that sounds more like a long distance pen pal, or friend… Isn’t the whole point of a relationship to have someone to spend time with, come home to after a long hard day at work, go places together, spend holidays together, etc. And in 8 years you’ve only gotten together twice? I guess if that works for you, personally no that wouldn’t work for me and no I wouldn’t personally consider it a real relationship.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I do feel like virtual relationships are more of a fantasy, same with LDRs. Things like this aren’t meant to go on for 8 years, if there’s no plan to be together in a real way after all this time then you’ll only rob yourself of connecting with someone IRL.

EmyyWolf · Answer

WHAT A JOKE 😂😂 lmao

Virtual relationships are for teenagers and children. Are are you a kid 😂.

Cause any adult of working reproductive organs is not about to practice this. Unless your a Mormon or some kind of Nun practicing chastity

Fabiloso · Answer

Oooo good one. This one's been a challenge to me. Sometimes I find it incredibly difficult to care enough about the other person simply based on them not being in any part of my daily person to person reactions. I hate it but its ridiculously hard sometimes for my heart to care the same. And you're even accurate in how it can feel like a video game. Just sadly how it is. I try to think different, but unless they hang with me in reality everyday they'll be in a category thats stronger than facebook friends or followers for sure but overall not by much

Anonymous · Answer

It’s really sad that so many women consider a virtual relationship anything remotely close to real relationship. It explains why so many females are content with virtual attention on IG, Snapchat, etc. It’s all empty calories. It’s fake. It’s a facade. Yet you feel content with people just telling you what you want to hear.

This isn’t good at all for society. More and more men and women are single and childless. It’s no wonder mental health is deteriorating and more and more people are becoming depressed.

I guess you can blame men for creating social media, dating apps, the porn industry, etc. Nobody really predicted the nasty side effects this would have. The covid lockdown just made everything exponentially worse. Many people didn’t immediately just go right back to normal after the pandemic either.

Anonymous · Answer

I think you both have found a safe space in eachother. Neither of you want to date with actual purpose. So you go on pretending you have a real and healthy relationship that alleviates the responsibility of having to face any of the actual challenges of a relationship.

I also think it's funny that people (even on this question) are getting mad, jealous and lashing out at you. Because odds are they're in a s***ty relationship (s).

I don't think what you two are doing is healthy. As you can't grow in this type of a relationship. But it's not hurting anyone except maybe both of you so it's fine.

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

You said you have meet a few times in 8 years which would be lets say 4 times. That is once every two years. Lets say you met in a month with most days which is 31. That means you go 699 days/23 months straight without seeing him in person offline. I think one of you needs to move if not both of you so you can live close to each other if not going to live together. The reason is so you can spend a lot more time together in person offline. Physical intimacy is not viewing each other on your phones, tablets, laptops, desktop computers etc because you can not touch each other.

Equi2ube · Answer

I've been in many 'virtual' relationships that were as real, or more, than my physical ones.

I recently had a dear friend 'break up' with me again for the second time in 10 years.
I was about as close to her as a spouse, closer than my 2nd wife (we were entirely virtual for a year before marrying, didn't work out though.

For me, I could be more open on screen than in person. It kinda shaped my life. Now, I tell people I hardly know way too many intimate details about my life.

I figure if everything is out in they open from the start, then nothing can come back in the end and bite me. And they know me for me with no holds barred.

It's worked pretty well for me for a couple of decades now.

SeriouslyFunny00 · Answer

I consider LDR real, especially if you met in person. My boyfriend went all the way from Europe to Philippines this year. Crazy distance! Haha. 😂 Of course, there will be people who will say it's not real or impossible, but they're just quick to judge about the situation. Do what makes you happy.

msc545 · Answer

No in person contact means you are missing 50% of the importnt information you need to have, and instead of having it you will invariably and unavoidably substitute your fantasies. This is very dangerous if you ever plan on meeting this person - in person.

ShellyB · Answer

I think it is something real, it means something to you both, but, I don't think it is the same as an in person relationship and I have trouble relating to being in a relationship for years without wanting to be physically in the same place very much. JMO!

Juxtapose · Answer

My most loyal friend I now live with I first met online when I was 16 years old. I knew him for years before meeting him in person and he's the same in person as he is online.

These people doubting you don't know how to find genuine people online.

najekim · Answer

Something like this was a good start, but should have moved more into actual in-person get togethers if you want to count it as a relationship.

Wife and I had a LDR in the beginning for two years but managed to get together at least once a month for a weekend before we moved in together in another location.

And while you "do things" virtually, it doesn't mean that you're sexually compatible until you spend quality time together.

NostalgiaSenpi · Answer

It's the modern equivalent of exchanging letters with your SO whole you are overseas, in some cases on the front lines. I don't see it as any different, now. But eight years, that's a long time to not just have one of you move in with the other and tie the knot already.

lightbulb27 · Answer

it's something, it's just not full... I'd argue it's dangerous... since it is generally, fantasy. That makes it harder to lose and close.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Hmm. Great question!

My question for you is this, though: why do you still consider yourself in the "talking" stage with him? I mean, it's been 8 years. You both should know by now whether you want to be together or not.

purplepoppy · Answer

It just sounds like hiding away from the real world and denying yourself real experiences

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

It's real. But like a friendship kind of relationship, not a romantic one. But if it works for you two, that's all that really matters.

douride2 · Answer

The short answer is no it isn't a relationship.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

Not real at all. You can be close friends but it is not a real relationship.

Iron_Man · Answer

You have a real relationship But why don’t you set up a plan to see each other again in person and live together and get married eight years is a long time

genericname85 · Answer

they aren't real unless it's a termporary solution to bridge long distance and it started out in person.

How “real” do you consider virtual relationships to be?

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How “real” do you consider virtual relationships to be?

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