Im 33 and I'm still single and SO LOST in life... what do I do?

[Anonymous]

I thought I would be married by now, and I don't even have a boyfriend. I don't know why. What do I do

[MrOracle]

"I don't know why."

Yes, you do.

You prioritized your education, your career, and your independence instead of being in a relationship. You just assumed that a relationship was a given, and that it wouldn't require any effort or sacrifice or work on your part. You bought into the Feminist lie that said "what you really need to do is be a girl boss and have your hot girl summer!"

Everyone told you that you were a queen, and deserved the best, and you could have it all - but focus on your education and your career, and DEFINITELY don't cooperate with a man! Did you really expect that to result in a good outcome? You've had 15 years to find a husband while you had the high value to get a great one, but you never took that seriously. Meanwhile, your youth and your fertility have drifted away, and the pool of men who are available to you has shrunk considerably, as has their average social market value, because your social market value has declined as well, and continues to decline by the day.

I'm sure this sounds harsh, and you probably think I'm an asshole for saying this, but I'm saying it because if you don't get REALLY honest with yourself REALLY quickly, and start making some BIG changes and FAST, then the next 50 years of your life is largely going to consist of caring for your cats and/or dogs.

Do you even know what you want? Is your plan actually realistic? Are you prepared to make some serious compromises to make that happen? Clearly, what you've been doing hasn't worked, and it isn't going to work in the future either, so if you want your outcomes to change, your entire thinking, and your entire actions, need to change. I'm not trying to tell you what to do - that's completely up to you - I'm just trying to explain what your options are and what the likely outcomes of your options will be.

Even though I don't know you at all, my preference is that you got the best outcome that's available to you - but the Disney Fairy Tale is long past being possible, so you're going to need to be realistic, and you're going to need to make some real changes and let go of the fantasies and figure out how to become the kind of woman that men want to commit to. Here's a hint: your education, degrees, career, and income mean ZERO to a man, so if you're tempted to lead with your resume, you're just going to turn men right off.

Do you know what men actually value? Do you care to learn? After defining exactly what you want (marriage? children?, etc?), that's where you need to start.

[EricSummer]

It will be best to find some activities that men and women can do together and meet someone there. A dancing course can be a good idea. Or maybe you like hiking, skiing, debating, you name it... I like it best to meet a woman in such activities as it's more relaxed to start with, and it's not immediately clear that you are looking for a partner. The disadvantage us that some prospective targets will not be available. Once a woman only told me at the second date that she was in a long-distance relationship already (!) I think she had to remind herself of that a bit before telling me.

Find out if your date wants kids, too. Best do it in a clever way. For example, point out how sweet a baby is when there is one near you and carefully start on the topic like that. However, if he does not easily reveal it, ask. You are already at a properly adult age, so you can ask a guy if he has kids. Most people who want kids will then reveal that in addition unasked, like "I don't, but I would really like to have children someday."

[HollyK21]

It sounds like marriage (and possibly children) are the major milestones you’re waiting for in life, and if that’s the case then my advice is to just adjust your focus, start creating a life you can get excited about now. You can’t control when god will Grace you with meeting “the one”, but what you can control is what else will make you feel less lost. Pick up some hobbies or habits that are meaningful, maybe it’s painting or yoga, eating better every day, utilizing your time properly. If you aren’t in the career of your choice then start working towards one that makes you feel fulfilled and accomplished. Having a good man is wonderful, but he’s supposed to add to what you want for the future, not encompass it.

[Pinay_ako]

Why do you think you’re still single by now? Do you spend most of your time at work? Or are your expectations too high? You say you don’t know why… of course you do. If it’s working too much, maybe spend more time socializing and having an actual life and lower your expectations. Give people a chance to get to know you. Stop being less intimidating. Stop and smell the roses. Now is the time to go out there and find love. Love will not just come to you if you keep hiding behind a computer at work and burying yourself in work. All the best

[Anonymous]

There could be an underlying health issue. There were several for me that greatly delayed my family life.

It could be anything from hormonal, to neurological, psychological, mentality, mistakes in your views towards life, even sleep issues, etc.

See a good primary care doctor. And see a good therapist.

Give us a bit more details about your life. Where in life are you now? How much of the things you wanted have you fulfilled? How much is left? What were your past relationships like, if you had any? Which part of the world do you live in? Because culture is important too. In which social groups have you searched so far?

There is still time left if you make good use of it.

Start with making those appointments. Post an update on how they went.

Keep in mind also that marriage and family isn't what it used to be like. Many men stay single on purpose and many people don't want kids. So that naturally reduces your chances.

[Berethor]

You 33, so you are running out of time, maybe if you stop being anonymous it would help.

https://www.yourfertility.org.au/everyone/age

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

Enjoy your life! You’re single at least you are not stuck in an unhappy / toxic relationship your time will come! It’s not a question of what do I do, you just live, be happy, being single and having the opportunity to get to know people is a beautiful thing, take your time find the right one and age doesn’t mean anything some are single in their 40s, such is life!!

[lightbulb27]

get to work on the rest of your life that you want. plenty of poeple get married in their 30's and have kids and etc etc... some people start life around 60 with their real job.

stop complaining about what you don't have, and get to "work".

[Reorx]

I feel bad, the dating pools really depleted for women around this age as far as marriage is concerned. I'm still single too so don't feel too bad. I don't worry about it & continue to work on myself. Worry about what you can improve or control, not what you can't.

[Quigly]

Most people are single nowadays. Marriage is a dying corrupt institution. Trust me, When gay people want to be a part of something you can bet it's corrupt. Being single is normal in todays world. What you should do is be at piece with who you are and ignore people trying to pressure you into a lifestyle.

[Twalli]

What do you bring to the table in a relationship? You need more than just a somewhat attractive body. Most guys would date a 6 with a great personality over a 10 who has a terrible personality. So unless you can bring something to the table in a relationship you'll stay single. I'll be a lot more open in DMs, but I don't want to keep repeating the same things in multiple posts.

[Anemone978]

You need to find who you are.. what you want in life... and go get it.. nothing comes to you. So you need to make your life yourself. Once this finally clicks for you your life will improve so much.

[chicosuave]

umm cuz at that age you were probably too picky then realized the prince charming you were looking for doesn't exist. lower your expectations to half and you will see guys coming in your life.

[Quackthulu2]

Yup, may as well give up and get like 50 cats.

[MannMitAntworten]

I am selling the crazy cat lady starter kit. Six cats per kit… :-p

[serious]

I understand but if you are already doing the right things then it could simply be bad luck. I hope you are okay.

[Sour-rose]

Maybe live your life to the best and stop worryin' about that shi? You eventually figure it out, one way or another.

[FunkyMonkee]

Join the club!! I figured I'd be at least a grandfather by now! I'm still working on being a father!!

[NamerOfStars]

Well, do you still WANT to be married? Is that a high priority for you?

[LiamJHayden]

Just live your life and stop worrying about those things. If you do so, they might come. If you continue to worry you'll probably scare men off because you will seem desperate.

[Anonymous]

Same here, i am near 30 but single. And bad luck is that i attract mostly players and non serious men. They are mostly into my looks and never invest in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

This is probably because the same men that you are interested in, are not interested in you. Which is on you. You have only your self and your choices to blame here.

[SawerBrown]

Perhaps you need to talk about it, feel free to dm me and I'll talk about bit with you.

[Anonymous]

At least you’re about the age when people have kids these days and still young. It’s not over yet, I’m still looking too but I’m older and not having any luck, do you have a better chance because you’re a woman and young

[NYCQuestions1976]

Being lost in life is not the best time to be searching for a significant other.