Does it count as abuse if it results from mental health issues?

[Anonymous]

His anger issues his jealousy insecurities. Screaming, suspicions. I've ways told him u need help from a doctor. Now he's gone to one and been prescribed bunch of meds. So the abuse isn't abuse? He's a victim of genetics? his father's anger and tendency to say "I'll hit you" and his mother's bipolar and depression. Should I forgive?

[Anonymous]

It's important to recognize that mental health issues can contribute to abusive behavior, but that does not excuse or justify the abuse. While it's understandable that your boyfriend may be struggling with mental health issues and may need support and treatment, it's not okay for him to lash out at you or engage in abusive behavior.

It's important to prioritize your own emotional well-being and safety, and to set boundaries around what you are and are not willing to tolerate in a relationship. If your partner is engaging in abusive behavior, it may be necessary to seek help and support from a trusted friend, family member, or professional.

Forgiveness is a personal decision that only you can make, but it's important to remember that forgiving someone does not mean that you have to tolerate or accept abusive behavior. It's possible to forgive someone and still hold them accountable for their actions, and to set boundaries around what you are and are not willing to tolerate in a relationship.

Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what is best for your well-being and safety, and to seek help and support if you need it.

[richardcory]

Its still abuse, whatever the cause of that abuse. Don't stay with an abuser. If he does have a psychological condition that can be cured (unlikely) then some day in the future he can find someone as a partner. But not you. If by "forgive" you mean, accept that his behavior is caused by things out of his control, then OK if you want but please don't go back with him.

But be aware the great majority of abusers are not mentally ill, they are simply evil. Pretending that they "couldn't help themselves" is the oldest trick in the book - and it IS a trick - to take advantage of their partner's good will and love. Most (maybe all) abusers are calculating and manipulative.

[Screenwriter]

No. It's still abuse. Schizophrenics have serious behavioral problems that are intolerable for people without schizophrenia. They can't help that they have a mental illness, but if they take their medication that usually normalizes them. He needs to do his therapy and take his meds so he will not act abusively toward you.

We are all victims of genetics. But we ALL have to control bad behavior. Anger, screaming and suspicions are unacceptable. Forgiving is one thing. But forgetting about it and pretending it is not damaging to YOUR psyche won't work. Make it clear that he CANNOT act this way toward you and that if he continues, you will have to end the relationship.

Draw a line in the sand and HOLD TO IT. Also, YOU should be getting counseling to deal with this. You need support to know when it is appropriate to leave, if it comes to that.

[Asker]

He says he knows tis his last chance and won't fvck it up. I feel empathy. I was starting to build a home with him and everything reminds me of those dreams. Like the plants the furnitures the room. I know I sound materialistic. but I was building a home with him and he gradually killed my inner self. Dayby day I started to get angry and irritated and stopped caring about him because he was taunting me about everything. Now he says he's doing his own chores. Washing his dishes cleaning his room. All of which he left for me to do while he sat around at home jobless. I sorta trust his words and feel bad that he's suffering from so many mental illnesses but I don't feel like going back. His family was also weird telling me I stay out doe work too much that I don't cook much I don't do makeup too much or dress too well. So I don't feel happy going back to them. But I feel empathy for him. What is he's changed and I'm stuck with his family forever. God I'm messed up beyond my own imagination

[Screenwriter]

PUT YOURSELF FIRST. Take care of you. Your dreams have proved unrealistic because of the person you have been with. His family sounds critical and awful. Let his THERAPIST have empathy for him. People who act out in this way will not change for a LONG time and he will continue to have these outbursts and be distrustful. I don't care what chores he's doing FOR NOW. Do not go back. Save yourself. He has not changed permanently. His problems are longterm ones and will resurface. You are NOT stuck with his family. Get yourself together and LEAVE all of these people for your own mental health. You may not be able to to this tomorrow. But make a plan and leave as soon as possible. If. you don't you will begin to die inside. Get counseling to keep yourself on track to exit.

[Asker]

Thank you.
I have a question. so people with his conditions can never have a partner?

[Screenwriter]

If he is schizophrenic, it might be very difficult. If he is anger and depressed, it might also be difficult. But he needs longterm therapy, and as I said, maybe medication.

[Screenwriter]

None of these issues resolves on its own and usually, even when people have therapy and medication, they sometimes get worse before they finally get better. And if he does nothing, he definitely will not get better at all. He has to realize he has a problem and will commit to getting help.

You should leave this guy alone. He has a lot of work to do and people with mental illnesses are like drug addicts. They have to fall off the wagon several times before committing to and admitting that they must get help and keep getting help the rest of their lives. You do not need to be anyone's punching bag, because angry people lash out at those closest to them, even when those people have had NOTHING TO DO with the true reason they're angry. Good luck.

[Asker]

Thank you. I told him I'm leaving but he says "okay but in that case there's no point in me getting better and I'll stop taking medication"

[noohair]

It is a brain disease. Would you blame him if he had arthritis?