Am I crazy for thinking this?

[Anonymous]

So my partner (f35) wants me (m33) to frequently ask questions like this.

Name something you appreciated me doing for you this week?

What is a tradition you'd like to create or continue?

Name something you found attractive about me this week?

How did I make you feel loved this week?

I've done it irregularly since we got together 3 years ago but she's always wanted it more frequently. There was a time when I had a weekly alarm but this ended up feeling so contrived and I ended up doing all the heavy lifting. Recently its become a major point of contention and she feels it shows I don't care about her. I admit I don't always think of it or I am knackered after work but generally I dislike the fact she never initiates these talks. She just waits for me and criticises me if I don't do so in good enough time. My question is; this is my gfs need, and I get that I should initiate this more frequently but am I crazy to think that just maybe she should initiate it at least some of the time if not the majority of the time? You know its what she wants. Its like me wanting the two of us to go dancing every week but never planning a night out or initiating anything to make that happen. Its my need so I will do my utmost make it happen and of course I would appreciate her arranging something every so often. But I sure as hell would not berate her if she rarely did it especially if she can see that I make little effort to make it happen. I literally cannot bring my mind round to that way of thinking, that somehow my happiness in a certain area has to be met completely by someone else and it is their responsibility. She always reiterates that its her need and I should want to meet it. I just want to know, does one of us have an unhealthy way of thinking when it come to this. I've suggested couples counselling in an attempt to get to the bottom of it but she wasn't interested.

Much obliged,

Updates

1 y

Any female opinions?

[Anonymous]

It's understandable that you feel frustrated and confused by your partner's expectations regarding these questions. It's important to communicate openly and honestly with her about your feelings and concerns, and to try to find a solution that works for both of you.

It's possible that your partner may have a greater need for emotional connection and validation than you do, which is why she may be more insistent on these questions. However, it's important to remember that everyone has their own unique needs and expectations in a relationship, and it's not fair to expect one person to fulfill all of those needs without reciprocation.

It may be helpful to have a calm and honest conversation with your partner about finding a balance that works for both of you. This may involve finding a compromise that meets both of your needs, or reevaluating your expectations and priorities in the relationship.

If your partner is unwilling to engage in couples counseling or to work on finding a solution together, it may be necessary to reevaluate the relationship and to prioritize your own emotional well-being and happiness.

[spartan55]

Okay, I'm a little unclear. Does she answer those same questions for you as well?

[Asker]

Yes when we have done it, we will have a conversation whereby we both answer the question. I have no issue with the convo once its started, just that responsibility for starting it seems to only rest on me.

[spartan55]

Don't do it then and remind her that she wanted this exercise so it's not all up to you to carry the mail.

[spartan55]

I think once a month would be more realistic. Once a week? Na, too much.

[Asker]

Yeah I agree!

[spartan55]

Does she put in reasonable effort to meet your needs?

[Asker]

I guess so but I am quite easy tbh, I meet most of my own needs haha

[spartan55]

Sounds one sided.

[In_Trance]

Yeah