How do I tell my friend that it’s time to move out?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

My friend has been living with me for 3 months and I have been doing everything to make her feel at home.

But I work most of the time so I rent a small apartment because I don’t spend much time there, only come home at around 9 o’clock.

And leave every morning every day.

I do have fun with her and I want to be friends with her, she can stay with me even for a week a month, but it’s just too much. She spends more time at my home than I do, she wears my clothes, because she feels at home, she spends more time here and it’s like more of her home than mine. I feel like I am a guest at my own home.

When I come home she keeps talking and doesn’t give me any me time, I have to go lock myself in a toilet to avoid talking to her. She never stops talkimg, yes sometimes it’s fun and interesting but I am really annoyed already. I come home tired and as if it’s my 2nd job to listen to her.

Plus she is really unstable, she has her great sides but I am so annoyed already because I’ve been living in discomfort for the past 3 months and she doesn’t feel like getting a stable job and getting her own fricking apartment. I’ve been living alone since 20, why should I tolerate this?

Even with my ex fiancé I had rented 2 floors house so I could have some me time.

In the beginning our friendship was more of symbiosis because we both benefited, but now it’s parasitic, she is the one benefitting and I can’t even walk naked at my own home.

Updates

1 y

I don’t want to lose her as a friend, she’s important for me. But I no longer wish to sacrifice my own comfort. It’s been 3 months, I am a good enough friend I think.

Updates

1 y

Plus we just got friends 5 months ago and she’s lived 3 months with me already. What the hell.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are in a difficult situation, and it's understandable that you want to find a way to tell your friend that it's time for her to move out. Here are some steps you can take:

1. Be clear and honest: It's important to be clear and honest with your friend about your feelings and your need for space. Let her know that you appreciate her staying with you, but that you need your own space and privacy.

2. Set a timeline: Give your friend a specific timeline for when she needs to move out, such as a month or two. This will give her time to make other arrangements and find a new place to live.

3. Be firm: It's important to be firm in your decision and not to waver. Make it clear that you have made up your mind and that it's time for her to move on.

4. Be kind: While it's important to be firm, it's also important to be kind and compassionate. Let your friend know that you value your friendship and that you want to continue to be friends.

5. Offer support: If your friend needs help finding a new place to live or getting settled, offer to help in any way you can.

Remember, it's your home and your right to have the space and privacy you need. By being clear, firm, and kind, you can communicate your needs to your friend while still maintaining your friendship.

[dynamicyandere]

You can have a talk about having a action plan for landing a job and moving out.


You can let her know that you enjoy her friendship, but you really need some me time, and the lack of that me time is starting to take a toll on you.


If she’s going to live with you while she’s job-hunting, she should agree to come up with an actual action plan to accomplish that, and agree to have you keep her accountable by checking in on how that plan is going.


If you do it like a team effort, it won’t feel like you’re kicking her out but that you’re genuinely trying to help her get back on her feet.


I was once jobless once without a place to stay. I was going to AirBnB a place on my savings while I job hunted, but my sister insisted that I stay with her. She thought I was going to be there for months. But, I applied to about 25-50 jobs a day, landed interviews, passed interviews, and moved out into my own place in under 3 weeks.


So 3 months is really pushing it.


If someone is without a job. They actually DO have a job. And that job is be spending 40+ hours a week LOOKING for a job.

[Jennz6]

Pack her clothes and sit them by the front door

[OlderAndWiser]

"Hey, we need to talk. I'm concerned for you because it seems that you are stagnating and not doing anything to move forward with your life. Do you have any plans for getting back in conrol of your life?"

[MementoMori777]

That's why that roomate stuff ain't it, but there's no other way to handle this besides telling her that you want her out of there, in a kinder way tho

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I have never had a roommate, I am by myself since I am 20. I lived together with my ex fiance at some point, it was his great wish though, I was not very eager, cause I love my privacy,

She asked me to stay with me till she’d find a job and now she tells me she’ll get a job in June. There’s no way I am living this life before June. What did I do wrong I just helped her have a place to stay. Instead of appreciating and caring for our friendship, she takes full advantage of me I feel.

She would rather waste a fee hundred bucks and keep me as a friend instead as she’s told me she doesn’t have any friends not to mention as helpful ones as I am for her.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I can’t even talk on phone cause she is in the same room all the time. I hate it already! Is it not a common sense to not stay with someone for 3 months?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I don’t even smile anymore. I sit on the sofa with a grumpy face and I just don’t know how to tell without losing her as a friend.

[MementoMori777]

Then speak your mind, tell her how you feel, after all if they don't change and react toxic to the truth then they don't deserve your friendship anyways, you can kick her out kindly and maybe still have a friend and get her out of the house or you can end up realizing her true colors if these aren't it, lose a friend and get your house back, either ways you get the house back.

You can also demand privacy and give her until June, I don't know why you haven't tried that already tbh, just say you want privacy, I believe she would respect it

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I enjoyed being with her, we had great fun, so I didn’t feel bad, but it’s now too much. We’ve had fun and all but I need some me time. Or I just get anger build up and will be very rude. I am already angry to be honest.

I just believed she would soon leave. I wouldn’t imagine she would stay that lomg. I am okay with her visiting me and staying with me every now and then but not like living with mr. I don’t even like living with my family, I’ve only known her for a bit less than a year and have been friends for 5 months, why should I shelter her so long on the expense of my comfort?

I will miss her when she goes but I’d rather miss her and then see her once a week or twice a week, then spend my private tome of rest with her.

[MementoMori777]

You do what you gotta do, I mean it's your home, if you have no privacy that sounds terrible, having to find privacy in the bathroom and shit, try to do it as kind as possible, nothing is a coincidence, whatever path it goes down, maybe it's for the best.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yes, it’s terrible really. She’s fine because she doesn’t work and basically has a free house and as if she lives alone cause I am gone all the time. So she feels good, no reason to complain.

For me though, I come home tired, brought some skin care things, wanted to get naked, get the body massage, then put the masks all over my body, lay down and relax, but she’s right here, I am just tired. I need my space, how do I tell her that?

We’ve been very close and I am her only friend here, as we both live abroad and we are from the same country. But I don’t feel like her always staying with me. I am an introvert from time to time, I can have a crazy fun with her one day and will have to stay home and be totally alone the next day to get my energy back.

I just don’t know anymore. I am fed up with all this. Don’t even feel like sleeping I am so early, have been sitting angry for 2 hours already.

[MementoMori777]

Oof, well first, release the anger, big breathes, big inhales and exhales until you calm down, you can't think on a hothead, at least not properly and if you confront her now with anger it will come off not like you want it too, so blow off the steam and when you are ready, you tell her exactly how you feel but you have to tell her you want to talk to her about something before you do, don't just bust in the room like "alright here's what we gonna do" approach her like a friend and tell her how you feel, I know she will try to find solutions because it's only logical and when she tries you kindly tell her why it can't be that way, you are living miserably and that shouldn't be like that, considering she will be on the street if she has nowhere to go, might ruin the friendship but if she is a real friend she would stick with you anyways, those types of friends are really hard to find but maybe she's one of them, if not, not a big deal, you get your living environment back and that itself is a W, you can get your massages and face mask thing and stuff.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Well, is it easy to find a friend who helped you get a job 3 times, gave her own apartment till ypu get settled and you’ve only known her for 5 months and live 3 months with her? She has a job, she doesn’t take it responsibilly though because she feels like she doesn’t need to work hard cause she has a place to stay at. She won’t stay at street, she had 3 months to get ready, I think I should give her two-three weeks for her to find a place.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

3 months is a long time for sacrificing your comfort for someone else’s comfort. O think I proved my friendship is real, now she needs to fucking act like an adult and come and stay with me every weekend if she wants but I need some time off. I can’t just spend the rest of my day with someone all the time and feel like a guest at my own home.

Thanks for the tips of anger issues.

[MementoMori777]

Yea I completely agree with you, with the situation and that you friendship is real, I never doubted it tbh, but I see you getting angry again, it's good don't stress it I see your point and your kindness as a friend but snapping on her will just create beef, you wanna avoid that cause it's petty and pointless so say it kindly and tell her what's gonna happen cause you clearly can't keep living like this when she's living lavish, make sure to tell her she can visit but it's the privacy that you lack and explain your situation that you come home every day and you are frustrated with you living environment so it's why you want her to move out, not rude cause speaking in anger and frustration can make things worse, don't let that anger control you, it's a long, painful and hurtful path, control it, it's the best way to concur it, get you space back and try keeping the friendship together, if you can't then you gotta let her go cause she's not thinking about you, rn it's possible she is blind to her own lifestyle and calling her out on it is the way she will realize, now what she chooses to do with the information is what will give the results if the friendship will remain intact or not.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am sotting in the bathroom again, of course I am angry,

She is in my bed feeling perfectly fine. I can’t go there or I will just be very rude to her already,

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I don’t want to be rude, that’s why I avoid her, but I also can’t help feel truly frustrated and annoyed and dind it hard to hide, hence why I am sitting on a bathroom floor and thinking why the hell I let her feel so comfortable

[MementoMori777]

Sometimes people take advantage of kindness but in this situation it seems more that she's happy and stress less and leaving a form of comfort can be very hard and that comfort can blind which is where I believe she's at rn, she doesn't realize how you feel cause I'm sure you never told her how you feel about it and it's why I think you should, she can either be understanding or selfish and you won't know until you explain how you feel, the anger comes from her doing selfish things but what if she just hasn't come to the realization of the position she puts you in everyday and it's why she's just happy, it doesn't seem like she's using you for your space tho cause she's glued to you, she like your company as well from the sounds of it so it's why I believe she's not intentionally trying to make you feel this way so why be angry, frustrated I understand, cause of the position you are in but release the anger cause intentionally she might be innocent, after all you can't expect someone to know something if you never opened up about it right?

[Alex8736]

go to the nearest court and have them serve her eviction papers because if she receives any mail at your address then she is squatting and unfortunately squatters have more rights than someone paying the rent and bills. or you can go with plan B and if she does leave the apartment on a regular basis for an extended period of time contact a locksmith and get the locks changed

[msc545]

Based on your description you're going to have to tell her directly but nicely that she needs to find her own place

[Anonymous]

Get her out before she has squatters rights and fucks you in the ass

[Guardian45]

Time for the talk to discuss her moving out. If she won't, then change the locks.

[Shamalien]

You gotta set your boundaries. Tell her she’s got a month to move out

[PointTaken]

Just tell her it's time she got her own place.