Was I wrong for accepting money from a man who liked me while I’m in. Relationship?

[Anonymous]

So I had a guy who liked me for years. He offered me money before but I didn’t accept because at the time I didn’t want to complicate things during the dating phase. I also knew he was a player and just was trying to not to get invested in a man who would probably have multiple women. I liked him back but we ended up just kind of drifting apart because of distance and then I got with my boyfriend. I’ve also known my boyfriend for years but I wasn’t dating him until a few months ago. He was somewhat open about financial issues and from what he has been open about I can guess that he is not financially ready for more than just taking care of himself and his kids that he has with his ex wife. I offered him some money a few times but he only accepted the help once. There was a time I was facing some hardships and to be honest I didn’t ask him for help because I figured there was nothing he could do. The other guy ended up reaching out a few weeks ago and I told him blatantly that I was in a relationship. He said that it was okay because he wasn’t looking for anything serious with anybody but that we had a good friendship which he wanted to maintain. We did have a good friendship but I told him that I I just wanted to respect my relationship and not complicate things. Well last week my best friend reached out to the other guy and told him that I had some car trouble and he sent me $800 without even asking me first if I wanted to accept the money. I thanked him and told him I would pay him back but he told me it was a late birthday gift since we weren’t in touch during my birthday. My boyfriend ended up finding out today because my friend was on speaker phone and she mentioned it. I came clean about it and told him that I was sorry but I had to accept it because I needed it. He said he needed to think about how he feels and he would hit me up after he got off work. I asked him was he going to break up with me and he hasn’t responded.

[Anonymous]

It's understandable that you were in a difficult situation and needed the money, but accepting money from someone who has feelings for you while you are in a relationship can be seen as crossing a boundary.

It's important to consider the feelings and trust of your partner in situations like this. Even if the money was given as a gift without any expectations, it can still be seen as a breach of trust if your partner finds out about it and feels uncomfortable with it.

It's important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about why you accepted the money and how you plan to handle the situation moving forward. It's also important to consider how you would feel if the situation was reversed and your partner accepted money from someone who had feelings for them.

Ultimately, it's up to your partner to decide how they feel about the situation and what they want to do moving forward. It's important to respect their feelings and decisions, and to work together to rebuild trust and communication in the relationship.

[Billlewis]

Oh, absolutely not. He obviously understands that you have a boyfriend and therefore any possibility of him being intimate with you is virtually nonexistent. Since he knows all these things, yet still apparently enjoys providing financial support for you, you're not wrong at all, nor should you feel the least bit guilty. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he actually gets turned on by spoiling a woman who is both unavailable sexually and is also (I'm assuming) having sex fairly regularly with another guy.

[BoopBoopBeep]

We can debate if you were wrong to take it. You're wrong to be as old as you are and not have a way to manage an $800 emergency expense, to be sure. You're wrong AF to have NOT told your boyfriend so he finds out about it from a third party on speaker phone. That's just straight up disrespectful AF, arguably emasculating, and because it involved a third party, now it's publicly embarrassing, which is rule number one of the "do nots" when dating someone.

[Anonymous]

Yes, because he's gonna expect something in return.

[Kelly6]

nothing wrong here