Why does my boyfriend make time for his friends but not me?

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend and i have been together for 9 years. we used to go out all the time, but now we don’t. i asked him why we don’t go out anymore. is it because you’re embarrassed of me? is it because you’re tired from work? is it because you value your friends more? he said no and that he’s sorry and that we will go out. yet we haven’t. i’m not saying to go out on a date every single day, weekend or anything, but a simple walk around the park that is across his house. go to the beach? he can’t go across the street to go with me to get breakfast and go back home to eat. yet he can wake up early to go out with his friends. it makes me sad. i stay because i have hope that he will change. i told him yesterday that he doesn’t love me, he’s only with me when he wants money, when he needs something or when he wants sex. he had nothing to say. i won’t forget there was a Saturday night and i called him asking why he’s with his friends and not hanging out with me? because we haven’t seen each other all week. i overheard him saying to his friend “i’m going to hangout with Julie because i feel bad for her” i hung up the phone. everytime we hangout it’s because he feels bad. i would leave him alone about it if he just told me that he wants to have a good time with his friends. yes it would hurt my feelings but i’ll leave him alone. i would go out with my friends but i really don’t have any. the friends i had all moved away or are really busy with their kids and husbands. the only person i can count on hanging out with is my sister. yet we don’t do much either lol. I don't know. anyway, why is it that he makes time with his friends more than me?

[Anonymous]

9 years? Yeah, get out of that. You’ve held onto hope for way too long and are now being (no offense!) delusional. Pollyannaish if you will. You don’t live together, not married (these things should’ve happened like before year 5), and he’s no longer interested in prioritizing you how a partner should. I’m guessing y’all were in your early-mid 20s when you got together, and in your 30s you’ve got to look back and consider how different you both were then vs now. I know I am not now the woman I was at 24, 25. Anyway, cut your losses.


There’s only so much talking, begging, etc you can do, and if he’s not receptive or unwilling to fix this it’s very simply because he does not want to. That’s it. I know it’s hurtful, 9 years is a long relationship but you can’t get the time back. How’s the time to have a serious relationship, have kids if you want them, start building a life together, not playing the same games and beating the same dead horse that you’ve been for several years now.

[Opinion Owner]

*now’s the time*

[Sugar100]

I’m 26 not married don’t live with my boyfriend , I also know him many years as well. No new guy is appearing either in my life that wants a girlfriend and meet her family , have kids nothing 😞

[Sugar100]

My whole family got married to the first boyfriend they had and everything was perfect they all married super young age 22 and I’m 26 and I can’t marry or have kids with the guy I love. It’s not fair. I don't know y I deserve have babies with a random guy I don’t like. 😞

[Opinion Owner]

Gosh, sorry to hear that Sugar😞 my genuine advice is to please not settle. Do you believe in god? If so, then you need your faith to be stronger than your attachment to a man and trust in gods plan for you. Your journey to the right man and the experiences you have along the way will NOT be the same as your families, and you need to let that be ok. Otherwise you will always hold yourself to an impossible standard, and you will stay with this man because you think there’s no one else. You don’t need a relationship with some random man in order to have a family, nor do you need to cling onto this relationship that isn’t meant for you, in order to obtain these things. You know why? Because if he’s not the one then god will block it. He will create impassable obstacles, struggles, and literally force you out of that relationship since you won’t do it on your own. That’s why you have to be strong and confident in your faith, which you should work on if you aren’t in that place right now. Yes it’s easier said than done, it’s hard to release people you have ties to and have sacrificed so much for, but you must take accountability as well. You didn’t have to hang on for so long but that’s ok! We are focused on the present and we can change what happens next! You can do better, you should want better, it’s out there.

[Sugar100]

I can’t find any guy that likes me back that wants a girlfriend. All men run away from meeting family. I don't know how girls get any guy to meet thier family. I thought this guy I love is the one cuz only he pursues me and likes me back. A guy that isn’t serious would be gone by now and he’s not he’s still here.

[Sugar100]

I’m just confused cuz I’m not a party girl so why no one is trying to keep me race to marry me? Im loyal cook clean fmaily oriented, y that’s not good enough? I thought u needed all that to be a wife or to get a boyfriend?

[Sugar100]

I want be and marry that guy that I love not a random new guy that I don’t like back.

[Sugar100]

I want. Babies with that guy not a random new guy.

[Opinion Owner]

I didn’t find the right guy and get serious until I was 30. Before that it was so hard finding a guy to commit, so I understand where you’re coming from. Getting a guy to meet your family is nice, but it’s not your immediate priority. In the first like 2-3 months it should be just you and him one on one because that’s when you’re getting to know each other and you’re learning if he’s even a guy you think deserves to meet your family. I never brought men around, not until the guy I am engaged to now. With your man, I worry he is around because of convenience and not genuine desire to marry and start a life with you. Just as you believe he’s the one because he hasn’t left yet, I believe that if that were true then we wouldn’t be having this conversation. You’d be married with kids with him. The fact that you’re not in that position is unwillingness on his behalf, not yours. He’s not pursuing anyone else to your knowledge, based off what he tells you and what he chooses to show you. But that man is leaving his options open, and I think deep down you know that, otherwise what’s his reason for not committing? Especially knowing he has a good woman ready to be his wife? You can do better than that, you’ve just convinced yourself there’s nothing else aside from him.

[Thousandfires32]

I'm gonna be completely honest with you. I'm in the same boat except my boyfriend And I have barely dated for <3 months and He's made time for his friends but he won't hang out with me. I have to consistently beg him to hang out with me what's wrong with me

[ohsheeT]

If your boyfriend doesn't make time for you then you make time for your boyfriend you plan the evening or a day out with each other it's not always up to him to make you feel something sometimes you have to get that feeling yourself by doing things that you want to do incorporate him into it and show him what he's been missing take a couple steps back and remember when you used to go out whose idea was it it wasn't always his you had plans too so start again look it if you did not keep your relationship fresh and new it's going to get old and people are going to grow different directions if you want him to do something show him how to do it by your actions and smile

[TheThingALing]

Y'all didn't see each other for a week and he coming over because he feels bad? Damn...

You need to pull away a little and see if he comes chasing.. don't message him for a couple of days. If he sends a message, respond but don't keep conversation going. Recondition him

[slatyb]

You aren't a priority. Is that acceptable to you? Have you discussed it? If he isn't going to change his behavior, are you willing to stay in the relationship?