My husband has cheated on me a lot in the past. Like I can’t keep track of it. I started out as a kind, loving, caring wife. I did everything for him, helped him out financially, put effort into my appearance, loved on him constantly and he still cheated. Then I got pregnant and he promised me he’d be there for us and take care of us. He really seemed to change. We got along better. But I couldn’t stop feeling so undesirable compared to the beautiful girls he followed on instagram. I gained 40 lbs that I can’t seem to lose. I have no help with the baby from anyone. I have no friends. I have pretty bad postpartum depression and I truly just hate myself. I tried so hard to be like those girls. But he says he doesn’t want me to be like them. He says he loves me and that I’m beautiful. He says that all he wants is for me to just trust him and love him and be kind to him. But I can’t stop accusing him of cheating. I have honestly become such a mean person towards him. I know he’s trying to be better but I insult him constantly and accuse him of being with other women and tell him he makes me want to die. I tell him constantly that I want to leave him and that I wish I’d never met him. I know this is wrong but the hurt is just so deep. What he did to me permanently destroyed me.
I told him it would help me if he’d accept my offer of an open marriage. If he was just honest about who he’s with and why she’s better than I am then I wouldn’t have to wonder. I’m so tired of wondering what makes these girls so much better than me when I’ve spent so much time and effort and money to look like them. They wear so much makeup and look so fake lol. Except some of them are ugly…idk. He once told me he just liked variety. But he said no to the open marriage. He said he only wants to be with me.
Why? Isn’t an open relationship every guy’s dream? Is it really true that he just wants me to be kind and loving and caring again? Or does he enjoy how much I’m hurting?
