boyfriend (27M) of 3 years works away from town pretty often (works with tourists) , this time his boss informed him that a newbie female coworker will be joining him for a week to see how things work. When my boyfriend works away, we don't really talk with each other and usually make some time to speak over the phone. Yesterday i asked him to call me because i miss him and so did he. We spoke for about 15 minutes and he was constanly talking about this newbie (10 minutes straight). He said she is similar to me (tf?), he told me about her struggles and personal life problems as well as that she said her boyfriend dismisses her and doesn't take her out on dates so my boyfriend asked her out instead and told her to join us ( without asking me about it). I don't even know her name and he barely knows her. (they only know each other a week) so i interrupted him and told him i find this really rude (making a plans with a person he barely knows and asking them to join us) and he shouldn't be talking about her the whole time since we barely talk. He said i'm overreacting and that i'm being unreasonable and he can talk about anyone he wants and doesn't matter if we barely spoke about us. Also i don't really like that she complained to my boyfriend about her own boyfriend, I don't know i believe you shouldn't complain to strangers, especially new coworkers about your relationship. Question for
You're not overreacting. It's never wrong to set a boundary and expect it be respected. Weather he realizes it or not They clearly have a connection. It might be harmless for now but it's certainly a slippery slope. I will say that the fact he wants to tell you about her is a good thing. He should want to share everything with you 1st and foremost no matter how small the detail. It's the moment he wants to share things with her first and starts keeping things from you that you need to worry about.
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You're not overreacting, but if she is tf maybe he's just desperately hoping you can also help her feel accepted.
But yeah, it is shitty you two hardly talk and the time you do he's gushing about a new coworker who reminds him of you.
Boundaries around your relationship with him will be important, but it is very possible that he is only wanting to help her and connect her with you.
But it is reasonable to want him to talk to you before inviting another person along you don't know. Especially one he's taken such a liking to.
I’d see it as a red flag and wanna know what goes through his mind to mention them so much.. I mean being friendly is okay but it’s disrespectful to the girlfriend if a guy is bragging about a female coworker and raises eyebrows. I’d wonder what is going on.
No he's replacing you. I've had office wives before, this ain't that. He's likes what you two have in common but she's the "upgrade" for some reason and now he's working that angle.
The fact that you don't talk when he's away was the tip-off for me. He's not doing clandestine ops on a distant shore FFS he works in tourism. If he wanted time with you he'd make time for you.
He's right on one thing... he CAN speak about whoever he wants however he wants, and you're free to not accept that and walk away. Which you should. Quickly.
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I think you are overreacting. It is reasonable to tell him that, in order to invite someone to hang out with you two, he should ask you first, fair enough. But picturing a whole scenario where she might get interested in him, or worse, him getting interested in her, even if he's being completely open with you about it, doesn't sound reasonable. If he wanted to have something more than a friendship to happen with her, he wouldn't even be telling you about her.
Yes, I would find that annoying.
No that is unacceptable and disrespectful
Nope
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