Is it okay to snoop if you have suspicions?

Question

Is it okay to go through your partner's phone if you feel something is off?

What if you don't find anything, does it mean you were wrong or it's hidden?

What do you do if you get caught?

About 6 weeks ago, my boyfriend started exercising and eating healthy, almost just out of thin air! This is a man who considered cardio walking to get the mail! But all of a sudden he's running and lifting weights, not drinking alcohol and only eating healthy, and after talking to my girlfriends some said this is pretty suspicious and I should look around to make sure there's nothing going on.

I have the pin to his phone, but none of his passwords and he leaves it around the house all the time so it won't be hard to get into.

Thoughts?

Also, please don't say unhelpful things like "just talk to him" because everyone knows people who are doing something dodgy aren't going to admit to it.

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

Usually, the snooping phase starts when you know they're cheating and you just need proof.

What is his history? ... cheaters usually have a history of cheating. Most people are too chicken to cheat even if they want to, but not someone who has. (Non-cheaters, just spare me the moral high ground speech)

Why is it about cheating? everything you described is a dude that wants to not be a slob. Was he getting fat? I mean what if he took my advice for pretty much anything... hit the gym.

Your girlfriends yapping their bullshit in your ear is another problem. It's well known the first person to talk a woman into cheating herself is her friends. Women absolutely love causing havoc in other relationships and they'll do that through you first and foremost. It's the whole reason they get together like hens and push each other to talk shit about men... because the taken ladies will start to talk about themselves (like women love to do), and that means they'll hear about that woman's man.

Is this possibly a guilty conscience? Have you thought about cheating or maybe have? Girlfriends that are currently cheating? Guilty chicks are always looking for cheating under every nook and cranny.

The phone just laying around is funny... Cheaters are usually glued to that phone and will flip out if it's out of their site.

I think you should get more observational evidence than him just trying to be healthy all of a sudden. Ask him why he wants to be healthy all of a sudden... I mean he could be hiding a health problem... that's something a lot of guys do. Maybe someone around him did and he had that "oh shit" moment to change his ways.

Again... Usually, the snooping phase starts when you know they're cheating and you just need proof. Start looking at your friends deeply too... they have man problems and drama? The ones that do, or still out riding the cock carousel, they'll be the ones that want to sabotage your shit. Usually hotter too, but not always.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

My question to you is he acting differently towards you since he has been working out and trying to better himself? Don’t just assume someone is cheating on you because they start working out. Look at how they are treating you? Is he still being intimate and affectionate towards you , Does he still hold you and kiss you and say nice things to you? Does he still come at you for sex and tell you that you are beautiful and that he loves you? If he is still doing all those things to you , then you have no right to be snooping , Now if things between you both seem completely off where he longer tries to be affectionate and intimate with you and keeping his distance from you , and your gut instinct is warning you something is off , then that definitely could raise some questions of concerns that he is investing his time into someone else over you , then yes , snoop on his phone but don’t just assume he is up to something if he hasn't been distant from you and not initiating intimacy and affection with you. Look for those warning signs before assuming someone is up to no good , I admit cell phones are one of the worst things that destroy relationships my advice before you go snooping is ask him to let you use his phone , catch him off guard and tell him your phone is dead , If he gets all defensive and pissed off or he looks like he just saw a ghost than that’s your answer he is hiding shit from you , Don’t ever let a cheater know you have suspicions or they will cover their tracks even more, it’s best to play it cool as much as possible. If he loves you , he will have no issues handing over his phone to you to let you use it

Sour-rose · Accepted Answer

No, snooping around shi can get you kicked in the mouth. Not saying your boyfriend will do that but honestly, snooping ain't gonna help. Aaaand not saying nothing is gonna help. Soo you gonna have to "talk" to him or don't and the trust between y'all go like that milk I have in my fridge- it's getting bad. :)

Pinay_ako · Accepted Answer

Snooping will only do you harm more than good. If you suspect something, ask him yourself. If he’s lying or telling the truth, that’s on him. But sometimes going behind someone’s back is worse than asking them straight up. You’ll look more suspicious 😒 and guilty

razelove · Answer

I don't see how it's wrong from say, a moral perspective. You're young as hell, so even if you do crash and burn because you get caught looking through his stuff and don't find anything, you have time to learn to do so better in your next relationship.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If you snoop and find something, then you have a reason to break up with him. And if you snoop and don't find anything, then he has a reason to break up with you. So, f a breakup is invitable, why not just skip the snooping and say goodbye now?

TruthBringer · Answer

The problem is your friends filling your head with doubt. If your man hasn't given you actual reason to become suspicious in the way he treats you, then that's on you and your friends. Your friends are putting doubt in your mind because of their own insecurities. They think that any man who is trying to better himself and his own life is somehow going to leave them for someone else. That says more about their self-esteem. And you're victim of their own self-sabotaging mindset.

Regarding the snooping around thing, let's say it is your partner who is giving you doubts and not your friends, then I believe you should be allowed to snoop around. Go ahead and look in his phone, since he also gave you access to it. Yes, controversial, I know. I believe that you have the right to know what your significant other is up to since you're committing yourself to them. If you don't find anything, then let that give you some peace. But don't make it a habit, otherwise you will never find actual peace, and it will only jeopardize your relationship.

But in your case, your "friends" are definitely the culprits here since it isn't your boyfriend who is putting doubts in your head.

EricSummer · Answer

Snooping in his telephone is never ok. It could be a thing of last resort in case you have clear indications of cheating and want the final proof. At that point your relationship would be anyway lost, but you could remove doubts and make it easier for you to move on.

Your situation is very different, though. He has not done anything! So he eats healthy and execises. That's not bad and you could support him in that.

Best compliment him on his efforts and then ask him why he does it only now, not already earlier. Let's see if his reasons make sense and serve to reassure you.

Gingerbread_GB · Answer

There are many reasons why a man would start exercise and diet other than to impress other ladies. That by itself is hardly suspicious. Unless there are some other corroborating evidence, I think your girlfriends are giving you bad advices.

If you truly think you can check his phone without him finding out, I guess it wouldn't hurt anything. But it's a very bad habit, because next time you get suspicious over something else, you'll want to check again, and eventually you may slip up. Maybe you'll mention something from his phone that he hasn't told you yet. etc.

My advice is to leave it alone unless you have more concrete evidence. Compliment him on his lifestyle changes and offer to join him in exercise and diet. Maybe he'll actually tell you his motivation.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Here's the thing about snooping around on your romantic love interest, you get nothing in the long run but rather more stress and insecurities.

So even if you snoop and happen to find nothing this time around your insecurities and suspicious ways aren't just going to go away, in fact they will grow stronger to a point where it will impossible to be in a relationship with you.

My advice is if can't have honest conversation with your man, then it's inevitable your relationship is on a timer to end anyways at some point.

Anonymous · Answer

Lack of trust, or losing trust, is a death knell for any relationship. You can't have one without the other.

If you suspect him, and are considering going through his phone, then the relationship is already over, because you no longer have trust. You may as well just leave now, and get it over with.

Suppose you did search his phone, and found nothing. Would you magically have complete and total faith in him? Unlikely; you'd probably just assume he was better at hiding it.

You won't talk to him, because you already assume he's lying, so if he said anything that didn't confirm your suspicions, you wouldn't believe him.

Maybe he's cheating. Maybe he isn't. At this point, your relationship is already over; you're just looking for a justification to admit it. Just leave.

Wraith_Cemetery · Answer

Seriously? The guy is trying to better himself and you're suspicious? Guys can never do anything right.

Even worse, you went to your friends for information instead of talking to him directly. Everyone knows damn well that female friends will fill your head with the wrong ideas.

BeMuse · Answer

Well at least when he leave's your insecure un-trusting ass he'll be in top shape to land a new girl. It's pretty normal for guys to exercise. It's also pretty normal for men to get strong in hard times. Times are hard right now. It's not a good time to be weak.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Nah... I just think that's a bad road to go down. The interesting thing about acting on your suspicions is that it leads to more suspicions.

Sometimes the best way to handle doubts is to sleep on it, take your time, and make your decision when cooler heads can prevail.

JustinTheGreat · Answer

I do think it’s okay to go through your partners phones if you have valid suspicions. Like if you KNOW your partner is hiding something from you then it’s fine.

But I don’t think him exercising and eating healthy is a sign of something going on 🤷‍♂️

Anonymous · Answer

Relationships are based on trust, you can't have one without the other, the long and the short of it is that you already don't have a relationship right now so snooping is completely pointless, it doesn't matter what the truth is at this point just stop wasting each others time.

Twalli · Answer

If you believe he's cheating on you and you look, not finding anything won't convince you he isn't. You will just assume he's good at hiding it. The only cases where people looked and found and believed the truth are when they didn't believe that he was cheating, but were convinced to look and found out he was.

shades777 · Answer

Lack of trust can make a good relationship go sour, I've never had a woman complain about me having more muscles I guess thats because I was in the gym when they meet me.

I imagine your looking for a reason to break up or feeling insecure because he's looking like more of a catch to other women.

sravmr123 · Answer

I want to say NO.

But I do know people can be very deceptive and still act like they have done nothing wrong or even worse make you feel guilty for even doubting them.

Just pay attention to how he treats other people, if he is a good person then maybe going through his phone should be a last resort and if he is a bad person stop thinking and take a look his phone and go through it thoroughly.

Adam1978 · Answer

No and be glad he actually take action and improve himself, maybe you should do the same. So that won't be the reason you start arguing, you feeling out of his league.

Jazzy54 · Answer

Nah. I don’t have the time or energy to monitor a grown man like that. I’m his partner, not his mother. Plus, things always have a way of coming out in the open anyway. 🤷🏽‍♀️

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

This is just absurd, getting suspicious because he decided to start taking care of himself? Seriously? Just break up and stay single if you are THAT paranoid.

Unit1 · Answer

No, it is invasive.

LovingJo · Answer

I think so, yes. I was pushed to this a weeks ago and I hate it. I've not feel the need to do this for A LONG time. The fact he has to make me do this, makes me feel bad about  myself.

Is it okay to snoop if you have suspicions?

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