How can I overcome the fear of losing my boyfriend?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together a month so far. It’s still the beginning stages which I’m very aware of but so far everything has been awesome. He and I have very open communication and understanding with each other. We see each other twice a week because of my work schedule and his soon to be work schedule may vary. I’m pretty confident so far with how things have been, I just have these unwanted thoughts/feelings. In my past I was cheated on by almost every ex or left for someone else. It crushed my heart and made me feel like I wasn’t good enough and just some “irreplaceable thing” my boyfriend is my first serious relationship in 2 and a half years. I’m 24 now. I feel like I’m a special woman and have unique traits and lots of good things about me I just get these voices in the back of my head thinking the worst is gonna happen. How can I overcome these insecurities and fears? Anyone relate?

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

First of all you need to clear that from your head second of all you have to understand you cannot control anybody nor can they control you

On any given day they can go out they can cheat on any given day you can go out you can cheat so and knowing this the only thing you can do is make sure that you love yourself enough to do all the right things it's almost like a 50/50 deal you just keep doing your 50% to make it the best thing possible that's all you can do so don't waste your time and your energy thinking negative things because the negative things start happening

Be happy love yourself love him and whatever happens happens you're going to have to take it on you're going to have to accept it but don't think negative about it get into the life that you want think positive about everything if you're positive about everything everything positive happens if you're negative about things negative starts to creep in slowly but surely so accept

So accept it right now did anything is possible anything can happen the only person you can control is yourself and you're going to be the best girlfriend you can possibly be that's all you can do and you hope to God that he is going to do the same thing for you that's it that's all we have so smile and become the best you can become stop thinking about the negative because it's hold you back and it starts creating b******* in your life that makes negative start happening so stop it stop it stop it stop it smile enjoy it live it you have to live it and become the best at it stop it stop it stop it now smile and have fun in a relationship grow together

acidburnone · Accepted Answer

Hey listen, just give the guy a chance. me and my girlfriend took like 5 months to get to be intimate. i never once thought of replacing her with some other girl. but then again i myself never get hints if someone is hitting on me. my girlfriend notices and she gets mad sometimes over it but she is happy that i dont pick up on hints from other girls, even if i could i would not since i do not need someone else 1 girl is all i need and what most guys need. point being give him a chance see how it goes, and dont put what you've had happen in the past on him

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years how and I struggle with those worries from time to time, so I get it. I don't know if you’re spiritual but for me I just put my faith in god and have trust in the plan he has for my life.
I’ve dated several men in the past, some more serious than others, and I remember two different instances where I thought I’d met my person. So as you can imagine when those relationships ended for this or that reason I’d fear that I’d never find a better person, it hurt to lose all that potential and everything I invested, I didn’t want to start over with someone new, it was a plethora of worries.
Now in hindsight I’m glad those things ended, otherwise I wouldn’t have found who I’m with currently. Yes I occasionally have fears, but I just pray about it and refuse to have worries. Whatever is meant to happen, whether it’s infidelity, growing apart, etc, there’s nothing I can do to stop what’s already planned. So why waste time waiting for the other shoe to drop and instead just enjoy what I have now? It’s so important to be present and take it one day at a time.

California_Poppy · Accepted Answer

Just continue to reassure yourself that not all guys are like that. You need to give him a chance, and try your hardest not to project those insecurities onto him, as he does not deserve it, and it may cause you to push him away.
Also, remember that, yes, cheating sucks, and it hurts, but if someone is going to do it, they are going to do it. You can only control so much. But either way, you WILL be okay.

Focus on giving him the trust that he deserves and reassure yourself that you are someone that is worthy of love and respect.

Shamalien · Answer

These fears and insecurities are legitimate, however, you cannot allow that to consume you. We can never be sure how it will turn out when we enter a relationship. We just have to put our best foot forward and not allow our past experiences to ruin our current ones :)

jshm2 · Answer

By ditching him first, then laughing at your idiocy and small mindedness and turning into his crazy, stalker ex.

Joking aside, fear is not something to hold you back, it's something to drive you forward.

RyanK9b · Answer

You can't overcome this fear. Its always there woth everyone.
I also heard that this kind of is the best for a female so they tend not to self destruct.

Also you are not special.

Hearing you say that they all left is a red flag. Guys don't leave generally, you're doing something that wrong.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

You don't need to overcome that fear. That fear is normal. That fear is healthy.
You need to understand that you could lose any boyfriend at any time. So always remain on alert and never get comfortable.
At the same time, you don't need to stress out about it. Because, at the end of the day, men are a dime a dozen. There will always be more men.

serious_miss419 · Answer

Put your guard down. You’re trying to protect yourself by finding flaws between the two of you. Either give yourself permission to love and be loved, or keep those walls and blame up.

slatyb · Answer

So what if it does? You are in the same place you were before you met him. Instead of worrying about what could happen, focus on being happy when he makes time for you. It will last as long as it lasts.

Boomchakalaca · Answer

Sometimes u just got to take risks and put all ur eggs in one basket. If he cheats then he wasn't the one for u and there is someone out there better and remember, dont trust ur thoughts after 9pm 🫠

sheenagwapa · Answer

if your boyfriend is not the nice guy type like my ex and he is the user tyle please lose him

WanderingLoveWizard · Answer

Accept that you might and be ok with it. Worse things can happen

mommymommymommy · Answer

By stopping the fear. You know he's with you, so why fear losing him. THAT ALONE WILL DRIVE HIM AWAY

whistlingwh0res · Answer

Men are more work than you think. They need constant care and play. They still fool around with full cares. You just have to get used to it

Anonymous · Answer

Well you track record kind of suggests you don't make very good decisions.

In_Trance · Answer

Don't bring old baggage to new experiences

justabuddy · Answer

By having faith in yourself.

monghjay2 · Answer

thats nothing lol

How can I overcome the fear of losing my boyfriend?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said