Can I just let out my anger here?

Question

so it’s my birthday. i’m 29. i really am done. i’ve never had a boyfriend. i feel anger to the point of rage in my body. i’ve prioritized myself my whole life. i’ve worked on myself for myself by myself. up until this year i’ve been proud. my whole twenties i was a bystander to girls going crazy for guys and their toxic relationships. i chose to just do me. but the thing is i’m fucking tired now. i’ve done a lot on my own. finished university, lived in 5 countries, moved across the country to get my own place, was broke but dug myself out of that hole and am great financially now with a great career, had a billion hobbies from scuba diving to running 10 marathons, got over my dad’s sudden death alone, overcame my mental illness problems, got certified as a yoga and running instructor, the list goes on. but ALL i’ve ever wanted was to find LOVE. i’ve tried and tried to put myself out there, open my heart, etc but it just doesn’t happen for me. it’s confusing, lonely, fear living in the unknown every day, no one understands what this is like, i’m MAD, i’m officially losing it. i’ve stayed far from victim self pity mode, but i think i’ve finally broken down to this point.

RealMarek · Accepted Answer

I understand it is frustrating, but you are still young. Given that you are a yoga and running instructor, I assume you are in reasonably good physical condition. There is hope, especially if you understand some things about the dating market and what attracts men to women. Some important considerations:

Data from online dating sites show that women in their 20s are far more selective than men in their 20s. The number one filter women use on dating sites is “over 6 feet tall;” only 20% of men are over 6 feet tall.

You have accomplished a lot and your accomplishments will be appreciated once you are in a relationship, but (unlike women) most men are not attracted to status, degrees, and accomplishments, but by physical attractiveness and femininity. This is because men are not hard-wired by evolution to seek someone who can protect and provide for them, but rather to seek someone who is likely to be fertile and able to nurture a family. Humans have been around for 200,000 years; this is not just social conditioning.

Women tend to be more attracted to men who are at least as or more intelligent than them. Men tend to be attracted to women who are less or no more intelligent than them. This presents a challenge to highly intelligent women.

I understand that these facts run contrary to feminist ideology and that there are exceptions to the rules, but if you want to succeed in finding a high-quality partner, it is important to let reality influence your strategy. For example, if you use an online dating site (I would avoid hook-up sites), it is okay to mention some of your accomplishments, but put the emphasis on aspects of your personality that are traditionally thought of as feminine or nurturing. Studies have shown that women with a main profile picture of them smiling with their head turned away from the camera a bit is most apt to attract attention. Also, you would do well to include a picture of you in a nice dress that emphasizes your figure.

You should be able to find a suitable man your age, but if you are attracted to highly accomplished men, your odds improve if you will consider men in their 30s.

I am not suggesting that you “settle.” By this I mean do not accept anyone who is abusive, unkind, or doesn’t have his act together. It is better to be single than to live with that.

MCheetah · Accepted Answer

"It’s confusing, lonely, fear living in the unknown every day, no one understands what this is like."

Congrats. This is how most men feel. Only they get called "needy" and "incels" by women for it. I've had the same problem as you and so have millions of other men. The thing is, you're not out of the game yet. You've got to put yourself out there though and (as a woman), not have these sh*tty stuck-up standards where you'll only got for men over six feet tall, who make six figures, and have a six pack (the 6-6-6 Rule, women call it.) Personality and behavior should be 90% of what matters in a partner and looks 10%. You can even go 80-20, but personality should be key.

If you start trying now, and REALLY start trying, I'm sure (as a woman) you'll find someone. However, if you do the sh*tty feminist "I know my worth and won't settle for someone mediocre", then have fun dying alone surrounded by your cats, and don't expect any non-cuck alive to give you sympathy for it. Like I said, this is what any man less than a 7 out of 10 goes through daily nowadays. And as many (bitchy) women will tell these men, I am now telling you, minus the "incel" accusation: "You are not entitled to love or companionship."

Some people are legit good people who can't find love. (I'd like to think I'm one of them, regardless of what anyone else thinks of me.) However, some people only have themselves to blame and then want to play the victim card once their social market value drops exponentially. I don't know you, but the way you boost yourself up and try to make yourself look like Strong Woman from South Park, gives me the impression you may not be the "good girl looking for love" in this case. Your comment to KrakenAttackin pretty much guarantees it.

So, as I said now, you can either listen to the Ghost of Valentine's Future, or complain about it for the rest of your life and become another bitter feminist. Your move.

devilish-cutie · Accepted Answer

ACCEPTANCE. its the only thing. You must accept things you cannot change or you will go mad. Manyn horrible things happen to people in lfe. This ma be your horrible thing and i think there are far worae things like eg. Rape. So if this is your horrible thing, its not as bad. Know that there are many people in your situwtion. Finding love is hard for everyone. You sure try to do your part in meeting guys but know that ita not all up to you. You know this is not q movie, this is reql life and it really is like this. It can really be this bad and worse. But it can be great and beautiful. Its all part of life and we must accept it cause thats the way it is. No reason to fight it cause u cannot chamge it, you can only lose. Stop trying to control everything cause u can't. Be kinder to ysf. You are trying, thats already a lot. But also take a break sometimes. No use on killing ysf over anything. Cause withoit you there cannot be ypur dreama of love either. There is still plenty of life for you to love n you do not know what all can wait for you. Let life bring you something, stop ressisting it.

tallandsweet · Accepted Answer

I understand feeling broken and sad over not reaching something you'd like to have reached, especially on your birthday.
Please remember that life isn't linear, things don't always go your way, and it genuinely seems like you've done all you can to find someone worthy of someone as great as you describe yourself to be!

Don't worry, great women always find great men that match their energy eventually. You're still young and have your life ahead of you. I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for sooner than you'd think.

I wish you all the best, you seem like a great person.

ananias55 · Answer

If you're a woman, finding love isn't hard, at all. Most men would kill got an attractive and caring woman. But when it comes to career and goal oriented women, they seem to always push aside every love potential and in the worst case. They seem to have ridiculously high standards for men. Some are so high the women is digging through a pool of men in less than 1% of the population.

Its okay to have standards, but make them realistic.

Like all things, love is something you have to take a risk with. Find someone, invest your time, and go on dates.

TomBham · Answer

Why no one understands you?
I never had proper relationship and I'm 35, have similar list and only lived in 4 countries, plan to increase this number soon.
Same I hate seeing many bad relationships around me, actually never seen perfect one, maybe it does not exist?
Maybe I'm undateable and destined to die alone? Or searching in wrong places?

I just live my life and if she finds me I will be happy, otherwise I'm happy to die alone, then just date anyone I meet, just for sake of it.

The_Maphio · Answer

You made your bed and you slept in it. Much more than can be said about most people of your age and younger. Your blue prince won't come ringing at your door though. You need to get out there and participate in social life until love befalls you. Annoying, I know that. Alas there's no getting in contact with different possible candidates if you keep on your own.
I'm not a social creature myself, but you don't need to change your ways drastically to find a partner.

CaliDad · Answer

First, I hope your birthday brings you happiness. Second, I'm betting you have lots of love in your life - family, friends, colleagues. A LTR does not = love. A relationship with another person can help get you through tough times, but it can also be the cause of them. You've had a wonderful experience, and people will value that... good people. I respect your effort and self confidence.

Romeocuck · Answer

Hi girl, i don't know you or who you are but i know you're beautiful. I heard your call and i want to say some things..
1. You sound like an amazing strong indipendant woman that for personaly is very appealing.
2. I'm single like you and understand you more than i care to admit.
3. The darkest hour is just before dawn so hang in there for just one more moment.
4. I would be honoured to get to know you.. and who knows maybe we find love here.

Yours truly

P. s : I hope to have a private massage from you

Dchrls78104 · Answer

I can relate somewhat, because I've been alone all my life and never dated; but in my case it's because I've never found the kind of girl I wanted. Being angry might be understandable, but it may also mean an entitlement issue and that, like a bad temper in a woman, is a major turnoff to anyone. Either way, you'd better be this angry only this one time, or you'll never find the kind of guy you want.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

If you are 29 and have never had a boyfriend that is your fault. There are plenty of guys who would like to date you I am sure. Are you "picky"?

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

This is a very common thing for career and hobby driven people, but whats rare is actually talking about it.
Don't focus on the past, don't regret not dating sooner, instead just think about what you want in a boyfriend/husband.
You can't put yourself out there and open up if you don't know what kind of guy to open up to.

RCLJT · Answer

First off, are you diagnosed with mental issues, or just think you have issues? Second, if it IS diagnosed, are you on psychotropic meds to control it? I date a gal with issues and 6 months in she quit taking her meds and started self medicating with alcohol and marijuana, needless to say, it didn’t work and she was throwing psychotic episodes every 45-55 minutes. My point is, you have to be fully cognizant of SELF before taking on a relationship that involves another’s emotions and psyche.

Surely · Answer

Hopefully this has made you feel better!
You have an amazing story to tell. Glad to see that you were able to pick yourself up by the boot laces and make good. You have done more things in a few years than most do in a lifetime.
Good luck and keep moving forward!

Gertrude_Awonk · Answer

Well I'm 31 and never dated and at first I thought it's because I'm focusing on my career but now I realize it's just because I don't want to leave my comfort zone and my comfort zone is to be alone.

Leavesbound · Answer

I'm going to guess that your only problem is there aren't many guys good enough for an accomplished woman like yourself. Just keep looking, you'll find someone someday.

exitseven · Answer

When I was single I was like that. I accomplished a lot and had a lot of hardships. I never thought I would ever find somebody that would love me back, until I did.
I think that once we get past the pandemic things will be better for you.

chriscdi · Answer

if you are alive its not too late, the time will come, for now you can challenge yourself by giving yourself a bigger and better goal, start a youtube channel or something, i might someday, its probably one of my goals

JackofSpades · Answer

You sound like a catch.

I've never been in a relationship either, but that's probably just from lack of trying.
I can't promise that you'll find someone, but I don't see why you can't.

Best of luck finding love.

slatyb · Answer

Since you are great financially, you can afford a therapist.

TallAnon · Answer

You seem to be doing a lot of things, but have you actually put in effort to find a relationship? Being angry is fine, it's just an emotion, but really it won't accomplish anything.

zagor · Answer

What are you doing to meet people? Do you have any kind of social circle, even if all F, to help you with learning about others?

ashish804 · Answer

u will get one soon who would make u feel special and strip u naked to bang u harder to have fun

moviedude714 · Answer

I'm very sorry, I don't blame you at all for this, have you tried online dating or dating apps?

Can I just let out my anger here?

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