My crush likes my sister and now I'm helping them getting on a date?

[Anonymous]

Well I have a crush on my friend, he's pretty much my only friend. He's 2 years younger than me, and he's the only person I've shown and been my true self to. We play video games together everyday and have conversations almost everyday. But yeah, I'm not enough. We have great chemistry. I'm probably not pretty enough for him. He likes my sister, he has liked her for 3 years. And he told me now that he liked her, and now I set myself into a situation where I will set them two up so that they can get to know each other.

Of course I am hurt, very hurt. I feel like I'm not good enough, even when I tried my best I still was not good enough. My sister doesn't even talk to him and he loves her just because she's pretty. I'm just a friend and nothing else no matter how good my personality is.

I'm not going to ruin it for them. If they love each other than I'll just let them be happy. I wouldn't be happy in a relationship where my boyfriend liked my sister anyways.

What's so terrible is that no one has ever had a crush on me, and this is not the first time it happened. 5 guys has liked my sister, 3/5 times were guys I LIKED. So yeah, I'm heartbroken, don't know what to do, feel like I'm never gonna be enough. I don't know what to do that's all.

[caring__1]

I can feel your pain, and I hope one day the world opens up to you, and you discover your true happiness.

Everyone has preferences. You prefer some, and others may prefer something else. That's not a judgment of you, but of their preferences. You're giving your crush the opportunity to discover what it's like to like someone who doesn't return those feelings. You're not trying to hold him back or hold onto him. That's showing you truly care about his happiness, even if it means he finds it with someone else.

Rather than judge your attractiveness on the standards of others, discover your true assets. Ask those closest to you to identify what people notice when they meet you. Do your best to enhance the qualities that already exist rather than attempt to be something you're not. The simplest thing a person can do to enhance their appearance is to smile more. Discover all the unique and special smiles you have within you. Make the most of what you have rather than look for things to blame for your disappointments.

The Ugly Duckling

[Asker]

Thank you, I appreciate it.
Actually, I am not empathetic. I don't feel empathy, it might be because I never got empathy as a kid. If I was sad or crying I got threathened or punished for misbehaving/being annoying/stupid.

I have tried to find my self worth in other things than my looks, but it's hard when people only value me because of my looks. I am treated as less because of the way that I look, even if my personality is "good".

When I ask people what they notice about me they always say I look angry, irritated, depressed or something like that. I have a resting bitch face, very low set eyebrows which makes me look angry all the time. I also can't smile so much because I have crooked yellow teeth, but I try to smile without showing my teeth.

What has been your experiences?

[caring__1]

I'm not saying you had a great upbringing, but your life from this point on is your choice. You can sit around blaming the past, which will take you nowhere, or you can set a goal for the future and set off on that path. There is very little about me that is similar to my parents. I raised my son much differently than I was raised, and I'm impressed with the man he's become. It is not impossible for you to learn how to be empathetic. I'm not saying it will be easy, but it is possible.

Rather than continue to associate with those who prioritize looks, find a different direction for your life. Find an interest or cause you believe in, and join a group or volunteer your efforts. Take on a position of responsibility, so people can see you in action. As people appreciate you for what you do, special people will rise out of the crowd, and you'll end up with a functional group of friends.

There are plenty of programs to help those who have had poor guidance or proper medical/dental care. Check with your state's dental association, and ask them what is available. You can get your teeth fixed, even if you can't afford it. The same is true of mental health care. If you want something, learn what you can do to make it happen.

[MementoMori777]

well im going to start by saying that you are such a good person, you have a good heart and a wonderful soul and i feel bad that this happened to you, but he just wasn't meant for you and i believe you are a very good sister as well, look dont be so hard on yourself, trust me that love just isn't easy in general, these sitiations dont mean you'll never be enough, these situations mean that so far every guy youve talked too were chasing only physical attraction, when you find the guy that looks at personality as well, you'll shine like a light and if you are actually underage then its good to tell you that in the teenage years dating isn't taken as seriously as in adulthood and adults get attached to personality as well, this is younglin love and normally its more physical, still got a long life ahead of you, you are too young to be unmotivated, you still have to fully grow and glow up, be patient, trust me that you'll find someone

[Anonymous]

Quote: I'm not enough

This right here is your problem.

It's not what you posted about but it is the problem you need to be addressing.

You have to learn to love yourself before anyone else can love you and that means being a kind, positive, caring supportive inner voice, telling yourself that you aren't good enough, framing your perception of the world in this way is absolutely not helpful at all.

The enemy is within and that is where it must be defeated.

[Asker]

But at times where I have thought I was enough things just went terrible. I have been rejected many times, got a reality check and been told I'm ugly, I mean, am I really enough if these things keep on happening to me when I feel like I am enough?

[Opinion Owner]

Well, unfortunately life isn't fair and the world doesn't owe us anything so while we might want someone to like us they don't have to but just because things didn't work with one person doesn't mean that you should give up, lose heart or start saying awful things to yourself.

[Opinion Owner]

I just realised that I was ambiguous and need to clarify what i said.

It doesn't matter how many people reject you, there is no amount of rejections which should result in negative self destruction.

Now there are things that you can do which will make you more appealing but you should be doing them anyway, they are all about self grow, awareness and self improvement, learning etc.

You can never be completely sure whether developing one or other skill is going to help you more because you can't see the future but what you can be completely certain about is that having low self esteem or developing a mental disorder is not going to help you, this is why giving up and self sabotage is never the correct responce.

There are going to be people out there who want to be with you that you are not interested in too, that's just how it goes, dating is much easier for some people than others just like being faster or taller is easier for some than others, you play the cards you are dealt.

Comparing yourself with or competing against others is pointless beyond giving you a yardstick to guage yourself, there will always be someone faster, stronger, smarter, prettier with more money or whatever it is than you have, even if you were to reach the top of your game you are not going to stay there, it's inevitable.

[Opinion Owner]

Hmm, just got a bunch of updates on this question from people on my block list and i have not been selected as most helpful.

Well these are your mistakes to make but its unfortunate because what I said to you was what you needed to hear.

We often don't like to hear the truth because the truth can be difficult.