If you partner keeps insisting you change something about your appearance and you don't want to is that controlling behavior?

[Anonymous]

Like if the guy asked his girlfriend to get longer hair or if she wanted him to shave his chest hair. And after they say no they keep asking still. Is asking and insisting these things controlling behavior?

Yes that is controlling. they should respect their partners decision

No that isn't controlling exaclty, but it is a red flag. they should accept no for an answer

No their partner should instead go with along with whatever they want because thats what you do in a relationship. you should want to make our partner happy

[Leapfrog00]

It's crossing boundaries, and in some cases, narcissistic behavior. Encouraging someone to change because that person doesn't like how they look is controlling behavior.

In the end, these relationships suffer because the person has tried to change so much to make the other person happy, they forgot who they are, and have become a completely different person.

One of my ex-girlfriends tried to do this to me, and by the time the three years were up, I forgot about my friends, my other relationships suffered, and I lost focus on who I was. I gave up on everything. It took nearly a year, and the help of some friends to bring me back from my trance.

These types of people trying to make people change is not worth it.

[Flatmanlewis]

I think it depends. If I know my wife likes a certain look then I may try and adopt that (part time) to deliver her desires. For example, growing out my beard for her or perhaps a particular suit & shirt pairing to her liking, is harmless and fun.


She starts asking me to change my friends, career, religion, and so on…we’ll, that’s a problem.

[Asker]

But what if you wanted her to change something about her appearance and she said no. Would that hurt you?

[Anonymous]

My partner and I lean on each other and expect each others advice on appearance and behavior depending on our situation. My social circles tend to more formal and proper, while hers tend to be more salt of the earth and lower class. There are plenty of times one of us will say to the other, "yeah, you're not wearing that around these people."

[Taurusmoon]

We can't force or insist anyone to do anything for us. The most we can do is ask them once or twice not more than that. If they say no , then we have to respect their decision.

[Anonymous]

I personally would change anything my future husband want me too. Cause I wanna look good for him and I'd respect him. But I understand not everyone thinks like that

[worldscolide]

I have boundaries for that reason. It is indeed controlling.

[Counterclocking]

Well, to be honest appearance does matter in a relationship. As it is how my female companion looks will always matter to me or I don’t accept her.

[sassyredhead]

I think you can suggest things to change but you can't force anyone to do anything.

[Asker]

Pressuring is bad too right? Like saying ‘if you don’t do this for me ill lose attraction for you’ or something?

[TooHot2Care]

Is asking you to wash the dishes even though you don't want to controlling?

[Asker]

No but chores are different from them insisting you change something about your body

[Nikki1989]

He can suggest, but insisting is crossing the line.

[Asker]

is it controlling behavior though? or is it signs of control?

[DiegoO]

It's stupid. Why would you date someone you don't really like physically? Some people are extremely insecure.

[Juxtapose]

They should at least *want* to be attractive for me and vice versa..

[Anonymous]

You can always ask but don’t expect them to go with it, but sometimes they will to make you happy

[gothbxtch]

yes it is controlling and a dealbreaker

[007kingifrit]

no they are asking not forcing

[WhitneySnow]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Probably.