So most people agree that a "red flag" is not negotiable. What if you can fix it?
Example: He/She is horrible with finances or money. That might be a red flag for some. Others might think I can work with that and help them.
Your thoughts...
I do not think that people have Red Flags, because they are not fixable. I just think that people use the blanket term RED FLAG, for things they honestly just don't want to get involved with. RED FLAGs also seem to come in bunches, so anyone by itself is manageable, but where there is smoke there is fire. So best not to even get started with it.
Just this week I meet a woman online, we were talking, and I just got a vibe. So, I saw that she was separated and not divorced. RED FLAG.
But hey I was separated for two years before my divorce, and I was dating. I was dating unsuccessfully, but had I found the right woman then who knows right?
So, I asked her how long have you been separated? She said four months, RED FLAG!!! In my experience anyone coming out of a serious relationship, like a 16-year marriage is most likely still processing a lot of things, and being separated just means the divorce process is coming. So other skeletons will come out later.
She had a 11-year-old son, so I asked if she has him 100% of the time. She said for now custody is not settled. RED FLAG... hers a woman who separated, only been single for four months, and has never been a single mother ever in her life, getting ready to start the divorce process. RED FLAGS everywhere!!!
The last straw that broke the camel's back, she just starts online dating last week, and she has not been on a date with anyone other than her ex-husband in over 16 years ago. Yup, walked away.
Now two years from now none of those maybe red flags. Her divorce would be settled, custody would be settled, and she might be in a better place or the right place to really be ready to date. But because of all the Red Flags, that's not a journey I want to share with her today. But twos from now, I would be completely up for it.
So as you can see, one RED FLAG is manageable, but that's seldom ever the case. Thats the thing about Red Flags, they usually allude to the fact that are other Red Flags out there, that will come out later, but you by then your already invested in a potential relationship. So, any RED FLAG is an indicator a potential bigger issue, and it's just best to walk away early.
Depends what the red flag is. I can't change a woman who is some egotistical, superficial, manipulative person. What can I do as a guy to change her red flags? I mean I could look being late as a red flag. Me going out on a one date where she's late for 15 minutes isn't red flag. I think this is a common red flag, if a girl grew up without a proper father figure she may be more likely to do drugs, drink alcohol, sleep around with guys. From my past experiences, girls who didn't have a proper father in her life to keep her grounded but also trust men and guys in general were usually the girls who wanted to rebel. I won't look at that as an automatic red flag.
Sometimes I think maybe God put me in a position to help her and she likes me and it changes her mindset. I look at myself, I was an awful student growing up. I would skip class, not do my homework, come to class late, I'm talking elementary, jr high and high school. I had to upgrade courses, go to summer school and night school as I got older post high school years in order to get into university. Once in university, I got better grades, got a scholarship, graduated with an honours and now applying for grad school. I say this because my principal said I would never make it to university and my grades are red flags for my academic future. But you know what I proved them wrong (old principals and teachers) who doubted me.
I can't just make a red flag go away. A red flag is like a big warning sign that tells us about possible issues or problems. It's there to make sure we pay attention to the important stuff that we need to think about and deal with. If we try to change or ignore a red flag, it's like hiding important information, and that could make things even worse later on.
Red flags show up because there are deeper things going on that we need to handle in a careful and thorough way. If we don't pay attention to these signs or try to mess with them without fixing the real reasons behind them, it's not going to help – it might actually cause more harm. We have to understand that red flags are like tools that help us solve problems and make smart choices. So, instead of ignoring them, we should focus on figuring out why they're there and then taking the right steps to reduce the risks they warn us about.
It all depends on their age plus what happened to get them in a financial predicament. Sometimes people just end up in a rut after 1 bad decision, then they end up constantly robbing Peter to pay Paul. And through lack of education and more than likely having parents who did the same thing, before they know it, they are buried. It doesn't cost anything to guide someone in the right direction, the rest will be up to them.
Now if it's a person who is older and should have already realized that nothing is free, I'd say don't bother trying to save them, as they will keep doing it.
Opinion
43Opinion
You can’t fix someone who doesn’t want to be fixed ladies and gentlemen. A LOT of people believe they can change someone else.
It really depends on who you want to be with and what’s a red flag to you and what isn’t. If they’re bad with their own money and they wanna find someone whose financially stable and spend their credit card. Yeah that’s a red flag to me. Especially if someone feels entitled to your money before you’re even married. No thanks!
But that’s one thing that would totally depend on the individual.
You can’t fix a person.
People can change and improve with time, and relationships can be repaired. So there are definitely instances where something considered a "red flag" can be addressed and fixed.
However, this would require the individual to be willing to make an effort and change their behavior. If they refuse to acknowledge the issue and work on it, then the relationship will likely not be successful.
So, it depends on what the exact issue is, how severe it is, how important it is in your view, and how willing the other person is to change and improve.
Well to me red flag means stop so about the only way you could fix it is put a stop sign in
No if somebody's doing something and you can help them if you can teach them something of course you can fix it or you can try to but they would have to want to learn first
First thing you have to do is bring it to their attention and they have to acknowledge it if they acknowledge it they're going to think about it if they think about it they're going to accept it and they're going to do something about it but that depends on who they are or who they want to be
Potentially depending on the person and the flag.
That said, you used a really good example. I'm not sure money is a red flag. Which leads me to say I think we overuse "red flag". I think there's stuff that we individually don't like or that might make us incompatible -- those aren't red flags. Then there's stuff that are areas of personal growth -- possibly that mean that again incompatible or that the other person doesn't want to deal with (that's legit by the way) -- but again, not red flags. Finally, there's stuff that are red flags.
Anyway, we overuse red flag.
And, back to your question, yes, there are some things worth (and capable of) fixing. Others, run far and fast.
Can you fix a "red flag"?
A Red flag is something that (in theory) can be worked out:
Example 1:
I might be able to convince a woman that voting Democrat or Labor hurts the country.
Example 2:
If the woman loves people more than stuff, I might also convince her that she doesn't need to buy the latest Jimmy Choo shoes.
A dealbreaker is something that usually can't be worked out.
Example 1:
I can't just "convince" a bipolar woman to behave normally. I mean I can, but it's pointless.
Example 2:
I can't undo, what is the result, of fatherlessness.
People can change, things can change, but that being said it’s difficult to make those changes and more than that it’s impossible to make people change.
Red flags are just that, red flags. They’re not yours to change. If you can’t accept them for what they are then no amount of bagging or pleading will change that person. Believing you can change another person is not only fool hearty but extremely unrealistic. If you can’t live with the red flags then you don’t belong in that relationship.
A red flag is something that's a no-go for me so it's not negotiable. Doesn't mean it can't be changed but it would have to be done first.
A good example would be smoking. But red flag when it comes to dating for me. But if someone stopped a long time ago it's not a problem but wouldn't start dating a smoker and just think "will help him try to stop"
That's pretty easy to fix if they are agreeable. Every partnership should have three accounts, one for joint expenses and personal accounts for each. Decide how much of the joint income income will go into each account, and let your partner spend their money on whatever they want. If they use joint money for personal expenses, that's a serious breach of trust and should be a deal-breaker. If they won't agree to this arrangement, that's also a deal-breaker.
In your example I tried so hard. I make lots of money for a guy that started out bartending, my last girlfriend I tried to coach on everything from day to day spending cuts to how to have over a million in retirement... It was like talking to a brick wall.
However!!! If that person wants to, I truly believe he or she can fix the red flag because I know I've done so in myself.
The problem dating someone you want to change never works out. They truly got t want to change for the better themselves. And having a partner doesn't really fix there mentality. So if there are red flags especially deal breakers leave them now.
yes, that's what therapy/counseling is for. INTENSE therapy, but therapy non the less. that is if THEY want it tho. can't always make people get better or take the time or even make them realize what they're doing is a red flag.
bad with money? have your partner help you set up a plan to get better. suppose to be teamwork.
Are they actively working on it looking to fix the red flag? If it's something they're working on and looking to fix and willing to learn better, I can deal with it, at least short term. If they're not actively working on it, willing to change for the better, it if they make no progress in addressing it over time, then it's a hard pass
Maybe, but you have to keep in mind that it is not your responsibility and the change won't come unless the person themselves want to change and actively work on it.
Why enter a relationship on the pretense that you can “fix” somebody? Why would you want to exert energy to do work on anything but yourself? It just sounds unwise.
It isn't about whether or not they're capable of change. Most humans are.
I'm not looking for a project. I'm looking for a partner.
Red flags can absolutely be fixed. But not by you. The person who has them is the only one who can fix and thinking that you can do it yourself is what gets you trapped in a bad relationship for years.
some issues can be fixed. some can't depends on what those red flags are. it depends on whether the person is willing to work on the fix.
If somebody is bad with finances or had bad teeth these are things that are fixable but if she has been divorced three times of was a drug addict I would take a hard pass.
Yes. We worked through it. Was very very challenging…. like toxic to many…we are now in a very good place.
You can fix them, sometimes. Red flags always mean "watch where you step," but they don't typically mean "there is definitely a landmine here. "
Big red flag and you can't fix it people don't change much!
Even if they fix it they will have issues again
I don't personally believe that you can fix a reg flag. Not if they are already grown adults. Maybe if they're 10 and you reform them before they are 16. But otherwise no. If they're in their 20s or older, it's too late.
depends on what the red flag is. one big red flag for many people is unemployment. that can be fixed relatively easily.
Yes you can fix a red flag. But its up to the flagged person to fix it. You can't fix it for them. Can you help, sure you can. Its also up to them to keep the change.
m As an avid Unreal Tournament gamer I say that you can capture the red flag! :-)
It is not possible for someone else to fix the red flag.
Red Flags mean "stop and consider" not "don't date this person". Maybe that person could audit a college course in finance and become better.
Red flags are red flags because only one person thinks it is. If the other thought it was then they wouldn’t do it. Try compromising first. If that doesn’t work then drop them.
All too often people think these are fixable but they're not
You can fix some red flags and both others personality would be a no go can’t really change that. Finance you can learn to improve just like any other skill but I would confront it in a caring way at some point
u can't change a person unless he's willing to change
Nope. You can’t fix a red flag. If they’re the way they are, that’s how they’ll be. Look for someone with no red flags.
If they are grown adults, most people are set in their ways. Sometimes you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
Yes you can fix them its just so much work trying to “fix” another human being that it’s not worth it
I think its possible as long as the person in question is willing to apply themselves and make a serious effort to change.
Some red flags can be fixed but they should be fixed before they get into a relationship.
Not likely. Red flags are typically character flaws she has. Even if she wanted (which usually she doesn't) change typically they're too ingrained in her.
It depends on big the red flag is. is a small red flag that is maybe fixed but it turn out be a big red flag that is no chance of fixing.
No, you can't. People are what they are. Accept it or move on. It's that simple.
Great financial advisor if she's horrible with money and finances.
Depends on what the red flag is, some of them definitely can be fixed, but most certainly not all of them.
Can't fix a person, I agree. But you can work with them on what they need to change.
There can be ways to fix a red flag depends what it is, seen your pic maya, your hot ;)
C: Not sure. But why would you take the time out of your life for a 50/50 chance?
I can be skeptical about that. It's not that easy and quick to remove someone's red flag.
some things can't be changed e. g. you can't turn a hoe into a housewife
Your name is nice and so is your heart.
Depends on the red flag itself.
Red flags for me.. She's a feminist, she's got a high body count.. She has a history of cheating.. She defends simps.
Please don’t try to fix someone while you’re dating
But…. Some people DO need to be “fixed” 😏
Yeah. By listening to feedback and changing
depends on red flag
It's ultimately up to them to change.
Please help me.
Depends on the context and situation.
Probably best not to
some can be fixed others dont
I'd keep an open mind I guess
people can change
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