I stole my friend's man when we were teenagers. Can I still be her friend?

[Anonymous]

So I've been friends with this girl since we were about 17. I was very insecure back then and she was always the 'perfect' woman in my eyes. She was better than me in every way and it made my insecurities 10x bigger (especially my insecurity with my weight.) She always got hit on by men when we were out.

I don't know why, but my insecurities took over and I started flirting with her boyfriend behind her back and got with him. He was receptive to my advances. Basically I wanted to know if I was good enough/attractive enough that he would want me enough to leave her. Because that would mean that I was more special and good enough. They broke up and I started dating him, and it felt good that I had 'won.' He and I dated for about 2 years but it was a toxic relationship because I felt he would cheat on me.

That was years ago, and I have gotten over my envy of her. She's a really nice person but she sometimes brings up the past saying we 'have the same taste in men' and I feel really awkward. I have apologised to her about my behaviour, but I feel nothing I do is going to correct the past. Is there anything I can do to make up for it? Or is there any point in being friends if she's always going to remember that I took her man?

[lightbulb27]

What is the point of being friends with her or anyone? you answer that, it's your life. what value are you trying to add to her and she to you.

I think the answer is yes, you learned about yourself, your weaknesses and hopefully grew as a person. You apologized and hopefully you are a different person. Whether she wants to take that risk is her call. If you have not resolved the underlying problems...

that cause you to do that to her new boyfriend or husband... and you could throw a rock in any direction and hit a woman that would do that to you... then I'd tell her it's best you stay away because you are a dangerous human with emotional problems.

note... I see girls like this around, you aren't the only one. And realize... other girls could do this to you. Also realize, you both went for a guy that has issues. Hopefully you learn from all this so you improve your life and the chances for your future offspring.

Now you know why people are more controlling, less trusting, some cultures cover the women head to toe including their eyes, or cut off all their hair, etc.. People are screwed up emotionally and will violate each other... for their own selfish reasons.

Welcome to humanity and the human condition. Note, not everyone is like that in the same way.

[Fireguy17]

She sees you, she thinks of him.
I caught my ex wife with the landlord, hence the ex part and we went our separate ways and didn't speak or anything for over 15 years.
She called me out of the blue one day, she had done that before but she said she lost her nerve when I said hello.
I didn't even recognize her voice, she had been living in Oklahoma and had that accent.
We talked for a while, and became friends, I would see her once in a while when she came to see her mom, but every time I see her I still go right back to that day like it was last week.
I'm fine being friends, but I could never get back together with her because of what happened 3 days before Christmas.
All she said when I found them was what are you doing here and I said I used to live here and then I left.

[Jkgordon]

If she makes you feel uncomfortable and you still feel guilty then yes end the friendship because what you did was dirty I could see if you and the guy had a chemistry and shit happen but you literally did it to prove you are attractive enough and that’s pathetic

[swettannie]

Nothing you can do. You stole her man, she Will always remenber it

[boobliker]

what dose she think about I could not be your friend if you done it to me.

[Anonymous]

The past is the past.