In terms of dating or marriage, the partner who earns more should do seventy to thirty ratio in terms of paying. They can put thirty percent of their wealth aside, for their own needs and such. But, the partner who earns less will pay less on trips, dates etc. Fair, yes?
I would never expect them to pay for anything, but if they wanted to do something like a date or holiday and I can't afford it then the only way that's going to happen is if they do.
Which is up to them really. It's a simple method really they want it so they pay for it. They want a really nice house with expensive bills, meanwhile I am 100% fine paying low bills in a crappy one they can't just expect me to somehow chip in. Same with a date, if I am happy with some cheap takeaway stuff while sat on the couch watching a film but they want to go out on a fancy date then their the one paying. Why would I pay?
So in the same way I wouldn't expect them to pay for anything, I wouldn't want them expecting me to pay for anything. Leading to if one wants something they should be the one paying for it.
Now if one wants to be nice and pay for what the other wants that's a gift but speaking realistically the one with lower money isn't going to be able to do that or if so much less frequently. So the one richer will be the one who gives more gifts just by that factor.
It's the same way I've personally asked a girl to go watch a film in the cinema with me. I wanted her to come with me, and I wanted to go. I invited them. Therefore I am obviously paying. Now if she came up to me and asked me I would expect her to pay.
If she came up to me and said hey I want you to come with me to the cinema but your paying for me, I would be like time to make some excuse to get out of there.
Or another case that's okay is she or I go hey have you heard about this film? Then they respond with Yeah I've been meaning to go see it.
Well I am going to see it now wanna come with or you got other plans?
This when both people pay for their own. Because it's an offer to come along not I want to take you.
Budgeting should only come into play if you are living together. If you are dating it only makes sense to take it into account for who pays for what on the dates when out doing that. Otherwise, you are both separate people with separate expenses. You should be able to cover your own expenses that are in your name.
If it is like a mortgage/rent, water, gas, electric then that can be decided upon the couple on how it gets carried out. Also, the person who makes more will be taxed more, so that is something to take into account.
in my opinion this depends entirely on the dynamic and stages of what a relationship is at. When I lived with one of my exes he was making double of what I was and we were splitting half and he should’ve been helping more with the bills but instead he chose to be financially unstable and Amazon boxes were coming to our front door. In that very moment I realized we weren’t compatible , and the reason being is because if he had enough money to buy all that stuff, he should’ve been paying and putting more money towards our bills but instead his mind was so set and stone on half and half, he watched me struggle instead. I was 21 and he was 26 at the time. It showed me he wasn’t that totally invested in wanting to help progress our relationship but more so was looking for a roommate
That is what my partner and I do. If we went 50/50 on everything we wouldn’t be able to afford to live in the places he wants to live because I make less. We also wouldn’t be able to go on trips or go out to do things together. We pay what we can both afford. For rent, for example, we go off a percentage of what our pays are and use that to determine what we can afford. Obviously he has more but it is the same impact on both of us. Don’t really think it should be one person paying for everything but you’re also not roommates so you should be helping each other
Opinion
30Opinion
Just one example, I earn more than my husband so yes, I pay the majority of our household expenses BUT he’s had to take on more of the household responsibilities, since I have much less time and energy for that.
The man should just take care of it all
Including you!
Even if people wanted that, it’s simply not possible in most of the developed world
@Apple1996 yes but then we all know you're useless
@Redstang88 it's definitely possible if people live within their means
@BlackBeauty90 a job doesn't make a person useful
Not in any major city it isn't
@Apple1996 - a job makes someone far more useful than a leech who contributes nothing to the household except the corruption of children like yourself.
@Redstang88 who would want to live in a major city? 😵💫
@BlackBeauty90 taking care of my kids is a job
That’s where most good jobs are
Even out in the boonies you’ll have a hard time finding anywhere decent to live under half a million
@Redstang88 I'd rather my husband work a shit job in the middle of nowhere to avoid living in a city
That’s the point, a shit job doesn’t pay the bills
@Redstang88 so not true lol just depends where you live but a lot of places are cheaper than that
@Redstang88 it pays the bills if you live within your means
Her husband is in military, she has no clue the reality of how most live. It’s comparing apples and bananas.!
@midnightmoon05 most civilians probably make more than my husband does in the military tbh
That would be ideal. But it’s not the reality.
Service people have diff. hardship compare to civilians. There is a reason why the govt. provide housing and other benefits for those in services.
One thing to consider would be a family of three with one income (mom stays home with 3 kids). Hubby works one job paying rent/mortgage average of $2000 a month. Vs. those who do not have that burden. (No mortgages/rent)
How much do you think most stay home mom families bring home a month?
@Apple1996 - yes it's a job because you're incompetent, you've posted elsewhere that proves it multiple times over.
@BlackBeauty90 everyone's got different priorities
For me it does not matter. All of our accounts are joint and all money earned by either of us goes into the same account.
Neither of us believe in keeping finances separate. It's worked well for us for 30 years.
We joined our accounts when we moved in together and didn't get married until 7 years later after we bought and sold 2 houses and just moved into our 3rd house together. Kept moving because of work transfers. Would have married sooner but the moves kept putting off our plans.
For rent/mortgage if you earn more than your partner then you pay more. If you earn twice as much you pay twice as much. Power, internet, gas, groceries etc are split equally or using the same method.
Dates and holidays can be equal or same arrangement if that is what you want.
That makes sense. But does that include passive income too (like money you inherited from your parents)?
It does, if married.
I guess that sounds fair
Yeah 😌
Dating and marriage are two entirely different propositions and not at all the same thing. I don’t think there is a mathematical formula to arrive at but rather defined goals. At some points we have lived entirely off one’s income while saved every penny of the others, to buy a home. Then, we split bills as we paid for her tuition, then later each put in about 80% of our incomes to attain goals we set. It really varies and changes over time.
It depends on how the couple approach their finances. I don't look at it as a split, I tend to look at it as a whole.
We both contribute to the pot, the money pays the bills and then you both figure out how to disseminate the rest. You come to an agreement about an appropriate monthly expense amount and try to stay within the budget. Some of the excess goes to retirement.
Unmarried people need to live in their own houses and support themselves. Married couples can do whatever they want, but it's silly to be married if you're just going to count who buys what. That's just a roommate with benefits, but whatever floats their boat.
No. I was just talking about this with the ex and his current situation. If I’m with someone, we’re giving the same amount. We’re not going to punish one or the other for having worked harder/made more/been more successful. We’d contribute the same amount to monthly bills. I already hate seeing how someone richer has to pay more in taxes. Its like they’re being punished for their success. Everyone should pay the same
I want our accounts kept separate and we’ll continue to contribute an equal amount
Admirable, but if I'm making 3x what my partner does I'm going to be taking care of more things.
@Saramad_Hill Thats on the guy. But i’d feel like i HAVE to match whatever he does just because i never want someone saying to me that they “can do this this and this because they pay the majority of things”
Leave anyone who does that. I'm aware a lot of people will, but if someone truly loves you they're not going to want to do anything you're uncomfortable with, or belittle you.
It's just a thought experiment. I've worked minimum wage for years.
*minimum wage of the company for ten years
@Saramad_Hill thank you for that :)
I've done nothing worth thanking lol. Thank you for thanking me, then.
@Saramad_Hill you gave good advice
I thought it was pretty standard advice, honestly.
Relationships do take a bit of effort on both ends, that's natural.
But it's easy to forget that the reason people date is to make each other happy, as well as themselves. I think it's best when it's mutually beneficial.
Arguments can happen here and there, but doing something for your partner and then holding it over their head later is unacceptable bullying. I'd tell them how I feel about it and give them a chance to correct their behavior, and leave if it doesn't improve. There's no reason to stay in a relationship if you're not mostly gaining from it.
Loyalty due to time together is illogical to me. Loyalty to someone who constantly tries to make you feel happier is what I prefer.
I'm having a hard time explaining it, but relationships should be both selfish and generous, with the goal of mutual happiness.
Unfortunately I'm in a terrible headspace these days and would settle for being treated like shit, so I'm usually single out of fear and self-hate.
Sorry for the rant.
@Saramad_Hill its not a rant. I totally understood it up until that last bit. Please dont allow anyone to treat you like less than. You are soooo much better off staying alone and building off of self love until someone comes along or your meet someone worthy. You are more than you know
I'm actually thinking about finally starting therapy within a year or less.
It's actually very hard for people to upset me, since I'm my own biggest bully.
I appreciate the advice, or concern, whichever it may be. You don't need to keep replying, it's making me feel bad for taking up your time. Any slight kindness towards me terrifies me, so I gotta go. Have a good day, Dizzy. ✨
@Saramad_Hill do you think therapy is necessary instead of finding someone you trust enough to confide in? And i promise you’re not taking up my time. I’m at work so I’m replying late but i’m more than happy to listen
Depends.
It's all individual.
I out earned the first boyfriend I lived with and we contributed to the bills proportionate to our pay difference. For us it looked like 60:40 me:him.
Wait… the one that makes more should contribute 70% of their income? While the other does what, 30%? So if Partner A makes $2000 and Partner B maybes $1000, Partner A should contribute $1,400 and Partner B should contribute $300? That’s not fair at all. You should both agree on a number for expenses and rent and you split it 50/50. You can’t punish one person for making more money. If Partner B wants more money they can get a better job.
I think what you mentioned is an unfair ratio but it’s not about punishing someone for making more. If you both have a goal to make ends meet, you shouldn’t be watching your partner struggle just because having to fess up more money is “unfair” 50/50 seems like you just want a roommate.
@kylee2437 And this is why the gold digger stereotype exists. Just saying. In practice I'm a one bank account for both of us type but reading some of these responses wreak of entitlement. I know multiple women who chose jobs that pay just over minimum wage because they love their job and their husband's chose work that pays the bills but they hate. Tell me how that works into the "fair" equation.
@Blueeyes81 how can you not fault yourself at that point for getting that far with a girl that works for minimum wage?
Lol. You kinda just proved the point of the question. People with no goals and choosing a passion job over a job that pays the bills and then asking for a better quality of life. That's what this question is all about.
That doesn’t prove the question. Two people can have careers / good jobs and one still makes more than the other. You mentioned a person that purposely picked a minimum wage job and skids through life, not the same and at some point you have to hold yourself accountable for picking people you associate yourself with @Blueeyes81
@kylee2437 A 70/30 split does not bode well for one having a good job/career. You can easily spin that around and hold yourself accountable for a lack of pay. No one complains about this matter unless they are struggling. If you have a good career but make less than your partner then it should be a none issue. It's only those that don't who complain about it not being fair and want it by %. Again , it's the entitlement that I take issue with. Same with dates, I always pay unless I sense she feels entitled at which point she can pay for herself.
@Blueeyes81 did you bother to read where I said a 70/30 split isn’t fair? If you want a successful relationship, you need to realize in some kind of form you will be pulling more weight than the other. Many of you men want 50/50 but then will sit on your ass and watch your girlfriend clean the house and ask her to cook , do you think that’s fair?
@kylee2437 I agree. But again this is a none issue if both have a good job. You speak of accountability, then seek a better paying job. Both of your lives will be better for it and it becomes a none issue. We can go round and round so I'll leave with this. I've never cared in a relationships what % I pay. I just do what needs to be done. It's only when entitlement kicks in that I take issue. When people look to others instead of doing something about it I start taking issue. If you are unhappy with your finances do something about it. Same goes for anything in life. Stop looking for fairness and improve your own situation. I bid you good day and agree that 50/50 will never work but a person should look at improving their own situation first. If she does that then I don't care what % of bills I have to pay.
@Blueeyes81 so I’ll say this from experience. When I was 21 and my ex was 26, there was very little way for me to get a well paying job with my little to no job experience and it wasn’t fair to me at the time that he had room to carry a bit more weight but didn’t want to because it wasn’t self serving to him. Why would I want to grow with him as a couple when his self serving was a bigger priority than paying an extra few hundred dollars so I could be comfortable enough to not struggle paycheck to paycheck? Why would I stay around someone that allows that? And guess what? 2 years later I ended up getting a better job. I feel like many men in this generation are super confused on what 50/50 even means
@kylee2437 maybe it was the way I was raised. I've been working since I was 12. I grew up poor so if I wanted anything I had to work my ass off to get it. I worked 2 jobs from 12 until I was 25. I worked doing things I hated and still do. I've made a good life for myself with that hard work. A house in the country, a shop to play in, land to roam. So that's where I'm coming from. I never asked for anything from anybody. I work 60-70 hours a week to buy the machinery and tools so I can be my own boss so the mindset of wanting someone to help pay my way is foreign to me. I think the opposite of you. I worked my ass off and do what needs to be done so why would I want to be with someone who isn't willing to do the same? Why would I want to start a life with someone who sees how hard I work and says "you make more, you pay more its only fair"? That's were I'm coming from. You look inward instead of outward for solutions.. I have no problem helping as long as she is helping herself first.
@Blueeyes81 don’t go making assumptions about my life because you did not live a proper childhood. Sounds like you picked up your parents slack
@kylee2437 same. Your lack of work ethic shouldn't fall on your partner either.
@Blueeyes81 it’s normal for a 21 year old to not have a lot of work ethic, it’s not normal for a 12 year old to be working to make up for a parents lack of work ethic
@kylee2437 so it's normal to be 21 and lazy and say give me your money. Ok.
@Blueeyes81 there’s a difference between lazy and a 21 year old getting started with adulthood and working a normal 21 year old job to build their resume
@kylee2437 did you ever donate plasma or pick up a side hustle? If you struggled with one job then get two until you get on your feet. "Normal" only works if one can provide for themselves. That's what being an adult is, doing what you have to. But if your OK with being normal with a lack of funds and needing to rely on others more power to you. It's not for me.
@Blueeyes81 if you can’t rely on each other in a relationship, the relationship is useless. Hopefully you don’t have kids either, you sound like a person that self serves due to traumas. Hopefully you aren’t in a relationship either
@kylee2437 @kylee2437 and you sound like a spoiled child who got angry that they didn't get what they wanted for Christmas. If you can't pull your weight in a relationship, the relationship is useless. Did you ever consider that your boyfriend may have went through the same thing without help at 21? It's funny you speak of trauma when an amazon box fills you with rage. If that's the worst life has thrown at you count yourself lucky. It all makes since now, you can askJeff Bezos for some money since he has a lot and you none and it isn't fair that he got your boyfriends money. Yeah lazy sounds about right for you.
@Blueeyes81 wow more assumptions, I work , I have my own money, I haven’t asked for money since I was 14, and built myself back up after my childhood savings were stolen from me. I am putting myself through college, putting myself through to gain certificates, so come again with all your ridiculousness because you don’t realize your mindset isn’t fit for a long lasting relationship. Imagine you get sick to the point you can’t work and your wife throws in your face “50/50”
@kylee2437 you started with the assumptions, miss. No childhood trauma. Parents are still together and grew up happy and in a house full of love. My needs were always met. Food, a roof over my head, clothes on my back. But if I wanted to go to the movies, or buy a car, or buy a cd player, or clothes and shoes I actually liked etc. it was on me. My dad wanted to instill a work ethic in me and set me up mowing yards at 12. I learned the value of money and hard work. I took off from there and now help out my parents. My dad was a preacher and one doesn't get into the ministry or retire from it for the money.
Also you seem to keep glossing over that I largely agree with you just not if she feels entitled. Put forth the work and I have zero qualms with footing the bills. I helped out an ex when she was going to college. She worked two jobs while going to school. I respected the hell out of her for it and had no problems helping her out so she could cut back on her hours. So AGAIN it's the mindset of help me so I don't have to help myself that I take issue with. She shows a willingness to go above and beyond to help herself then I'm all in and i'll do whatever I can to ease her burden. I'll always help those who help themselves. So no, 50/50 is not what I'm interested in, miss. It's someone who shows a willingness to help themselves and if she does I'll move mountains to help in any way I can. 70/30, 80/20, 90/10 I don't care. Just show that you are invested in yourself and doing whatever you can to improve your situation.
@Blueeyes81 nope buddy I didn’t start with assumptions, you tried to normalize the idea of a 12 year old working instead of being a child and equating that to how a relationship should be ran. Don’t act like I’m spoiled because I’m insinuating you can’t carry a proper relationship with that 50/50 balance forever. It becomes a point where the one person that is instilling 50/50 is only doing it to self serve themselves
@kylee2437 so your assumptuon are facts and mine are, well assumptions. Duely noted. I would never presume that you are spoiled. I said you're lazy for wanting someone to pick you up when you fall. You call your ex financially unstable but was he, was he really. If he had chose to help you every month would that have magically meant he was financially stable. Because you would have benefitted? Seems the one unable to pay her bills would be the one more deserving of that title. And back to the 50/50, that's all you. I never said 50/50. Just make an effort to help improve your your situation first. Ramen noodles, donating plasma, a job walking dogs on the weekend, anything to show you have some self respect first. Glossed over for the third or fourth time now and if I continue it'll be glossed over another 10, 20, 30 times because I hit a nerve. You feel sorry for my partners and I feel sorry for your partners and that is about all we'll agree on. So get the last word and best of luck to you.
@Blueeyes81 it’s not about someone being lazy, if you are in a partnership especially a marriage, you made a promise to be there for their health and sickness. You can’t be in a partnership and be about yourself. And yes he was , he was in massive amounts of debt before he started dating me and I actually helped him out of it. Then once we moved in, I realized he was in debt because he spends his money terribly. The bottom line is , if you are about yourself, a relationship is not for you and that’s why 50/50 does not work. 50/50 divides partnership. If you had kids with someone and you work 60 hours a week and they work 40 do you think it’s fair to split spending time with kids 50/50?
@Blueeyes81 I’m going to take a wild guess and say you are a single man with no kids
@kylee2437 there's the assumptions and the 50/50 again. So now that you are 26 are you going to date a 21 year old college student to set the world right by giving him 500 dollars every month because that is what lovers do? My assumption is no and some 50/50 speal that's attributed to me by you is headed my way on repeat.
@Blueeyes81 no but I’d never date someone that doesn’t have a career to begin with , that still doesn’t mean I would split everything 50/50 because life doesn’t work that way. You can’t sit in a relationship and not expect to give more in some kind of way. If money is a bigger value than anything else, there’s no way you carry remotely work a relationship out and have children
@kylee2437 again with the 50/50. I'm not your ex. I've never been in a relationship that was 50/50. I thought we established that I. Do. Not. Care. about fair or what the split is on anything. Every relationship I've been in I've paid more and haven't cared because everyone of them helped themselves first. Picking up extra shifts, side jobs, coupon clipping, whatever. You show you are trying and I'll move the world for you, help you out financially, give a kidney, don't care what it is. You make no changes to your finances, to your work ethic, to anything to improve your situation then no count me out. She is not for me. It's not about the money, if she won't put effort in to help herself that says a lot about her character. That applies to every part of the relationship not just finances. If I refused to do anything but take out the trash and mow the lawn do you think a woman who also works would be OK with that. Probably not, they'd want to see effort, improvement, that I was trying to be better. It's all about growth. That is what I'm talking about, effort to improve. Without it I have no desire to help or even be with her. Since finances was what this question was about that is what I focused on. But it applies to all parts of a relationship. Effort, growth in all aspects of the relationship. You show that and I'm all in and will do the same. Without it you're just entitled and I'm not interested.
I make more than the girl I’ve been hanging out with. I never let her pay when we go out. I plan to officially ask her out soon. It’s been more hanging out as friends with some teasing/flirting. I’m an attorney, and she’s a relatively new professor at community college. I never let her pay, but she doesn’t abuse it.
That should be discussed when things start getting serious. Whatever they agree on is how it should be divided.
Definitely
In percentage, I pay much more. In amount, my husband does tenfold. I work part time at a job that doesn't pay well, but I love it. He works at a job that pays much more and he works overtime. My paycheck only just covers groceries, so 100% goes to that but it helps. While he pays for everything else and saves 20% or so. But we don't really pay attention to it, since we share a bank account. It's both our money. We work an equal amount when you include all the housework I do.
In a marriage it should all be one pot with each getting some play / personal expense money.
In dating, whatever works for the couple. Since I will not "live together" the concept of a shared budget while dating does not compute for me.
Proportional share is reasonable. All couples should discuss and agree on finances if they're going to get serious!
Glad we agree!
That depends on what yell agree to but I won't pay over 50%. The girl still makes out in that she doesn't stay single paying 100%. If we married, which I want ever do, but in that hypothetical scenario, that money is half hers anyways. Any money saved, prior I wouldn't comingle
I won't say the 70-30 thing. But yes, they should contribute more
What ratio should it be?
Point taken
Once my then girlfriend, now wife, and I got serious we turned my bank account into a joint account. We spend the money like it is both of ours without question.
I believe it's men job to taking care of her financially...
I m not into this silly argument.
I wouldn't demand a man to pay for my everything, but if he makes more money — he can pitch in more, is all I'm saying.
Well I don't mind paying 100% of expenses by my own I'm completely ohk with that it's my job as a men to give her financially comfort.
For me happiness between us is more important than this few hundreds dollars here n there.
What do you expect in return?
Happiness. Good sex. Good time. That's it. I don't expect too much.
Sounds good
What about you? Would you be with a guy who don't let you contribute to the expenses?
It restricts my financial freedom. I wouldn't want that kind of dependency, honestly.
No it's not dependency i let her do whatever she wants to do no stopping feel free it's just that i myself want to take care of her financially till she with me...
She can save her money i don't mind.
That's great. I'm sure you're SO is incredibly lucky.
I consider it dependency. So it's a deal breaker.
Wow your boyfriend is very lucky to have you.
💗💗😣
You're girl with full of confidence this sad emojis doesn't suits you. ❤️
Thanks!
Your welcome ma'am
Keep smiling I bet you look gorgeous when you wore smile like a loaded gun. 😊
You're awfully kind x
Me and my ex of 10 years split it 50 50 only time she didn’t work was my sons first 8 months of life then she went to work I bought her house we always agreed on 50 50 we did great too
I believe it should be equally divided unless there's a huge discrepancy in the salaries then the one who earns more could contribute a bit more while the other one does additional chores in the house.
Aslong as both parties are happy thats what matters every situation is going to be differnt if one pays more I would expect the other to do somthing that equaled that
No. Men and women are equal. It's not the 1960s no more. She has to pay her fair share or get a better job. I need a woman that can keep up with me.
Do you date younger girls?
Just put 50% of your income in a shared bank account and pay with that.
That way you keep money for yourself and pay a fair share.
Usually, that’s the case. However, if one SO who won the lottery and decides to go off from work, they should donate some more money to the budget.
Never thought about that, but probably a good arrangement
I’d say it’s up to the specific couple, but I’m certainly not expecting a girl making way less than me to contribute 50/50 all the time
I'm my view it doesn't matter in a marriage as it's all our money. Dating it can go ether way depending on the peaple.
When I marry I'm gonna share a bank account with her lol
While dating I pay for dates and stuff unless she wants to or it just makes sense logistically for her to pay
No I don’t support this concept. The couple should cut/raise their budget together so that the individual contributions should always be equal regardless of how much either of them earns.
I don't buy into that... men and women have different roles.. exceptions can be there.. but not a norm. And dating is not a relationship that follows this role.. only marriage... people can do whatever they want when they are dating..
My rule, I earn for the family as long as I am able bodied.
I think it's men job to pay and take care of finance
Yes. Only makes sense that whoever makes more should contribute more.
In marriage Yes. dating, no.
Do what feels right for your own relationship
My wife and I won't have separate bank accounts
Sounds fair
yes, its fair
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