Would you give up your “vices” if it makes your partner uncomfortable?

Question

Every single person has good and bad in them and as such certain “vices”. Some can be excessive drinking, anger issues, smoking, drug intake etc.

I really like this guy I’m going out with, he literally checks all of my boxes, except he smokes. Which has always been a turn off for me, but he is so good otherwise I never used it as the main reason to stop going out with him. He also doesn’t smoke near me cause he knows I can’t handle the smoke smell, so I’m thankful for that. But in the long run, I’m sure it may be an issue right? His clothes will smell like smoke etc. I feel sort of out of place asking him if he thinks he’ll ever quit. So I was wondering, if your s/o asks you if you’ll quit something they’re uncomfortable with, would you do it?

Sodomite · Accepted Answer

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Anonymous · Accepted Answer

This is tough. I’m a recovering addict myself so I can relate on a few things. Not smoking but gambling. It started out sporadic, inn and controlled but it got worse and worse and worse. I finally quit for good 18 months ago.

Anyway it’s very hard for someone to quit for some one else unless they are 100% certainly in love. Not to say your boyfriend doesn’t like you. I’m guessing he really does. But is he going to be motivated enough to go through the pain of withdraws to stay in your good graces? He might be but it ultimately has to be a decision that he makes for himself and you come second on that.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

You knew going in with him that he was a smoker. Unless HE decides he wants to quit, there's no point in asking him. It has to come from him caring enough about himself to quit. Not from your discomfort. Even if if from a sincere thought about him improving his health, it still has nothing to do with what HE wants.

You can MENTION it. But don't expect anything. I've known this guy for two years who is the partner of a friend. He's just started to try to stop and has been going to meetings. His friend hasn't, so he's got no support at home. His age: 71. I asked him if he'd like some smoking cessation material two years ago. He said he wasn't interested. I dropped it. He did this on his own.

All you can do is ASK. Nothing else. Has to come from him. And even if he tries. Most smokers fail at least three to five times before quitting. Over YEARS.

prettyfacegoodtaste · Accepted Answer

nope. and i don’t expect them stay either 💕

personally, i wouldn’t stop being w someone bc of their vices. in my experience, staying w someone through the hard times makes the bond stronger.

i’ve stayed around through porn addictions, chain smoking, depression, anger management issues, gluttony, lust.. i never left bc of the vice.
it’s just part of being human.
it means a lot to be able to hear, i love you and i’m here w you” while figuring life out.
we’re too young to not i have any vices, i mean,
shit. 🙄

Anonymous · Answer

Whether or not someone would give up their vices for their partner depends on the individual and the nature of their relationship. It's a personal decision that can vary greatly from person to person. Some may be willing to make changes for the sake of their relationship, while others may not. Open and honest communication is key in such situations. If the smoking issue is important to you, it's perfectly reasonable to discuss it with your partner and express your concerns. Ultimately, it's up to both of you to decide how to navigate this in your relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

A person can only give up their vices for themselves. Nearly all vices are only detrimental to those that indulge in them.
For those around them, they can only tolerate them or leave that person once those vices begin effecting them negatively.

When you look around at so many bad relationships or have been in one yourself, and just happen to find yourself with someone that does check all your boxes, think about how petty it is to have an issue with someone who smokes.

He could be a compulsive gambler, heavy drug user, alcoholic, he could beat on you, he could beat on your kids or worse, can’t hold down a job, drug dealer, armed robber, and so on.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Yes but for most people… they have emotional junk wrapped around those addictions. Its hard for them to change. The hope is that there is good in dealing w the underlying issues and you are the catalyst.

Its his call but most adults… dont want to change.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

Reduce yes.
Quit in front of them, sure.
Quit fully? Probably not.

I'm not attached to really any vices (smoking, vaping, sugar, drugs, weed, fancy coffee, etc). I would however, hate to give up alcohol, as small things like, cold beer at a ballgame, a glass on a wine at a fancy dinner, a mimosa at a ladies brunch just add to life's simple pleasures.

Anemone978 · Answer

Well sure I would defo try.. but I don't have many vices besides my depression but that is kind of who I am so I would say if they don't like it, I am probably not the one for them..

DizzyDesii · Answer

Depends on what theyre asking. I only gamble a handful of times a year now. Not gonna fully quit tho

MikeTheBartender · Answer

Fuck... Caffeine is my worst... It would be EXTREMELY hard. She would have to be the woman of my absolute dreams

RedInnocent68 · Answer

Hmmm, my biggest is sex, but my partner is the beneficiary, so probably not. I’m also not giving up my vintage Star Wars toys and other collectibles… 😂

OfMiceandMen · Answer

Certain one's, I don't think I could go out with a smoker though.

exitseven · Answer

I have no vice.

Fireguy17 · Answer

Probably, some vices are harder than others to stop, but I would at least make an effort.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

You're better off ditching him, druggies are not relationship material.

Prettywhenicryy · Answer

Lmao you can’t just give up that stuff because your crush asked you to.

Darkest-Knight · Answer

Not a chance. Accept me as I am.

Maddy2002_ · Answer

Depends on how long we’ve been dating.

Anonymous · Answer

No I'll remain single before I give up my vices

Would you give up your “vices” if it makes your partner uncomfortable?

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