True or false: in every relationship, there’s a “reacher” and a “settler”?

[Anonymous]

Im watching this show (himym) and one of the characters was surprised that his wife didn't get jealous about a female coworker he was spending time with (not cheating). Then his two friends explained that its because he’s the “reacher” in the relationship and his wife is the “settler”.

This means his wife is the best woman he can get (he “reached” for her) thats why she isn't worried about him cheating. While his wife is the “settler” obviously means she settled for him. His friends told him this, not his wife.

Do you agree that every relationship has a “reacher” and a “settler”? If so which one do you think are you in your relationship?

I agree

I disagree

Updates

6 mo

So i googled it and this explains it better.. “This theory suggests that in every romantic relationship there is a designated 'reacher' and a 'settler', with the 'reacher' being seen as the individual pursuing someone who is out of their league, while the 'settler' is seen as lowering their standards for their partner.”

[Flatmanlewis]

I think there may be some validity to this but it depends also on what the two are reaching/settling for.
I think it’s a relatively accepted truism that most men assign a greater value on a woman’s looks than women do for men. If that was the standard by what people are assigning the worth of a couple then maybe it makes sense. However if somebody was assigning an economic, intellectual, or social status factor is may change the optic on it. For example, I can think of a hundred examples of young beauties that came from a lower social strata and married themselves rock stars, CEOs, actors, etc. Those same men, working a Jiffy Lube or the WalMart, definitely aren’t bagging the girl of that caliber themselves.


Everybody settles in something.
We’re all reaching for the best we can attain.

[Naruse]

I think you can have disproportionate power dynamics in a relationship based on appearance or who is more charismatic, then of course there are those who settle. I'd be really careful of conflating this experience with all relationships though, not everyone ends up married to someone they think is mediocre.

[pickles77]

I mean that only really plays out for superficial things. If they are really attractive or have a lot of money it’s nice but it really doesn’t keep a relationship together. But if you have a bond and a love and you have become everything your partner needs he/she will be repulsed by the idea of cheating and it’s not because your “better” in some egotistical way. it’s because of the love you have and what built through that.

[RedInnocent68]

Hmmm, there might be something to that. Jealousy is a form of insecurity 🤔