Is my SO taking advantage of me?

[floatinhigh97]

We moved in together about 9 months ago. We both have pets, his is a dog. Since we've been living together I've progressively felt as if I'm responsible for his dog. We have different sleep schedules. This is relevant because since we've lived together, I've been the one to take the dog out first in the morning. My SO claims the dog doesn't want to go out as early as my SO get up. (even though that was his schedule before we lived together). The dog eats twice a day. He does not put out his morning food. The dog is picky about eating, and won't just eat whenever he needs someone there with him, he's gotten better about it now though. It's been ongoing thing where I'm keeping better track and keeping thee dog on schedule of eating with us and having fresh water. I've discussed my frustration, and it's been discussed that I'm goin to take a step back from responsibilities when he's home. Still he forgets at times.

Today I mentioned the dog was low on water, the second time being more intently. He fills up his water jokingly. Then later he's in bed and I reminded him that he hadn't fed the dog. He said "I was going to" I said " doesn't sound that way with you trying to get me to lay down with you" (He goes to sleep earlier than me, but tonight was extra early.) then he changed it to he had already fed him. Which I knew he hadn't, so I told him that. I then asked him if this was why the dog weighed 15lbs less when I met him. He laughed and said no and that he would feed him. I left the room to finish what I'm doing, go back shortly after, and he is passed out. Something else to mention is my SO is a drinker. I know that can make you forgetful, but responsibilities should come first. Do I sound like a jerk? Do you think he's doing this intentionally knowing I'll pick up his slack? There's a lot more details I couldn't fit, so if you have any questions, I can answer them. Thanks in advance!

[Oliverlogan263]

That doesn't sound cool of him at all. From the way you described it, yeah it really seems like he's taking advantage of the fact that you'll just end up doing it if he "forgets" or puts it off.

I mean, that dog was his responsibility way before you moved in together. It's not fair that you're the one always feeding, walking, and caring for it now just cuz your schedules are different. That's something he should be making more of an effort with.

And the drinking probably doesn't help make him more reliable, like you said. That's not really an excuse though - his pet, his job to take care of it properly.

I'd try having another serious talk about it when you're both calm. Let him know you feel taken advantage of and that you can't keep doing all the work. Maybe set up a feeding/walking schedule together and hold each other accountable.

If he still doesn't step up after that, you gotta ask yourself if this is the kind of partnership you want long term. Taking care of a pet is a big responsibility. Don't let him pawn it off on you, ya know? You gotta take care of yourself too. Hope he listens up.

[Anonymous]

Quite detailed description when you say he changed from "I'm going to" to "have done already".

Honestly, that is me. I am known for being irresponsible. Best case, he might slowly change for the better when surrounded by and interacts with good people.. not the case you mention though. Rather the opposite.

in my opinion, sorry to say yes he is taking advantage.

He may be originally good-willed, but a good-will means discipline as an action.
Applies to me exactly, as I also use those phrases I first mentioned.

[floatinhigh97]

Thank you for the input! As far as him growing and changing, he's 40 years old. I saw something about calling them out on their games they're trying. To let them know you see what's happening and calling it out. If you can relate, do you think that'd be helpful?

[Opinion Owner]

If you mean, pointing it out that he should act better than gaming and focus on priorities, then I know I am lazy. And I'm plenty scolded. Would it be helpful.. I doubt.

Yet, do so and point it out.
As in you've done all you can, so no regrets later.

Merely pointing it out and him admitting changes nothing, he should surround himself with some disciplined, hard-working people. Otherwise, him changing on his own with your courage and sacrifice
to support him.. could be but I don't think so. (You are better with an expert advice to analyze such personalities and take proper actions with possible scenarios, so that they decide based on outcomes if there's a chance for him to change or not).

Other guys can comment on this if they wish.

[CharmedAngel69]

Considering you have approached him multiple times about this and he hasn't yet fixed it, that seems like a red flag.

Do you think this might be caused by his drinking? Maybe something is wrong outside of typical "irresponsibility"

[floatinhigh97]

100% I think it's a symptom of his drinking. But at thee same time when I look him in the face and it seems like we are having a direct conversation and he doesn't follow through, it feels like placating.

[CharmedAngel69]

Does he struggle at other things outside of responsibilities to his pet?

[Gent207-2]

Drinker? Like a drink everyday or he just drinks more often than yourself?

Honestly it sounds like he's not good for you. Time to abandon ship

[floatinhigh97]

He drinks every day. He's an alcoholic.
Thanks for the input!

[Gent207-2]

@floatinhigh97
So final question- if money and rent weren't a concern why are you still with him?
Life is too short to waste

[floatinhigh97]

Good question, if we didn't live together, I wouldn't know the severity. But if we didn't live together I don't think I would choose this at this point. I worry about the pet I would leave behind