"Living together before marriage ends relationships" agree or disagree?

[Still-alive]

What say YOU on this topic?

Strongly agree

Agree

Disagree

Strongly Disagree

It depends (say how)

I'm not sure/no opinion

[Manab]

It's because living together and meeting just for sex and dates are very different. You will not look perfect always, be expected to share work, and share bathroom, you have to adapt to different arrangements in your apartments, will find long hair almost everywhere, expected to take care of others when they are sick or in the mood swings. Those scare a lot of people and if you break up after living together, it's good. It will be hell after marriage.

It can only work if there are external forces greater than your incompatibilities and turf-offs... like societal pressure and religious beliefs.

[JustinTheGreat]

You don’t really know someone until you live with them. So yeah moving in together causes a lot of relationships to end cause couples realize they aren’t compatible. But isn’t it better to find that out before marriage?

[Sirenboobzilla]

Strongly disagree. I've seen many relationships blossom from it. They get to know eachother more before taking that leap. If indeed it does end, then you're not bound by law and thus don't have to go through the divorce process, or be stuck in an unhappy marriage.

I invited my boyfriend to live with me after 6 months. We've been together for 3.5 years. I can honestly say that did help us vibe better as we learned more about eachother's habits and such. Only thing he does that drives me up the wall is pee stains on the toilet seat 😒

[FenixG45]

🤣😂🤪

[RoseySarah]

Very strongly agree!

Seen it way to many times to not strongly agree!

Rarely does it ever get to getting married after!

The honeymoon phase ends then the fights start and the constantly being together...

With an easy way out people take it... Break up which since most have sex and it's a bonding act intimate...

The break up is harder which takes more time to heal if they ever fully heal.

[friendofthefallen]

👍👍

[Vesuvius87]

Exactly. They are delusional into thinking a great relationship has to have a prolonged, infatuation period. They think loving someone is being in love with the perfect picture of them and fantasizing about them 24/7, like it happens in the early honeymoon period. They want an eternal honeymoon and all the romance, sex, all the free stuff without hardships.

[RoseySarah]

@Vesuvius87 so true when it's the hard times getting through them together that make it true love!

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

No, if anything, it pulled my then-partner and I closer to each other. Felt like we were each other’s family.

[petitedollbabee]

Strongly disagree. If living together ends your relationship, then it’s best to have found that out before getting married. It would suck to get married and then find out that you two are not actually compatible. Living together before marriage is an excellent idea and a lot of people do it.

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

Ummm... No one will mention about unwanted pregnancy? I think marriage protect us. What about women who have been living with a partner for a decade. But when you ask the man when he will marry her, then he says No? Such a waste of time. In my culture cohabiting is not broadly accepted anyways. Women who have many partners without marriage are not viewed well. So I agree.

[msmissydc]

Well I answered strongly disagree BUT I would actually say it saves marriages but can actually lead to an end of a relationship. While Living together you learn things about your partner you otherwise wouldn't know. This can lead to an end. It won't matter if thats during the marriage or earlier.
It can also lead to you two getting closser. So not neccesarrily a bad thing.
Not doing it, IS a high risk though in my opinion.

[mandyfire98]

I'd say it can if you find out you're not compatible. It's far better than waiting until marriage to move in though. You gotta test drive it first.

[Bigmell]

It depends, there are so many factors to consider. It worked for me in all my relationships except one. With the economy the way it is and a lot of people having to live with a roommate in order to pay bills and have a good place to live why not just move in with your significant other? I would say just be willing to help each other out work together and communicate good tough times will come that's going to be a time where one may you lose their job and the other person needs to be patient work with them being encouraging motivate them to keep pushing to redo their goal plan and the second thing is if y'all do break up don't be evil and hurtful to each other try and do your best to respect each other to be peaceful and to keep it friendly.

[friendofthefallen]

I'm on the fence about it, but leaning more towards agreeing with this. You took those vows for a reason, so the vows themselves, if you honor them, will lead you to not breaking up. Couples who are married tend to be more committed to one another's wellbeing. They aren't so selfish. They will WORK harder to stay married.

[HaveNoName]

I do not understand the statement in full context but what I strongly believe is that it makes the marriage meaningless. What is the point? You will always be comparing life after marriage with life of living together before. Simple principle: whatever is forbidden always tastes better.

[HaveNoName]

People comparing the case of married life (as in the question) with a life of unmarried partnerships are morons. Their answers are irrelevant.

[Still-alive]

The point is that you wanna make sure you are fully compatible with the person before you tie the knot. living together first is one of the better ways to figure that out i mine and a lot of peoples opinions. If you marry first and then it turns out you married a piece of shit then thats gonna suck. no one wants that. so living together for a time first ensures that.

[friendofthefallen]

Why would you marry a piece of shit in the first place? Why would you EVER think that about another person? I think you can also figure that out BEFORE living together.

[Still-alive]

@friendofthefallen because people like to hide who they truly are to appear more appealing to their partner. but they cannot keep up the appearance forever and usually its through living together you really discover all that. You wanna really truly know a person well before you decide you wanna be with them for the rest of your life.

[HaveNoName]

I am already married but I continue with my belief not to treat woman as a "commodity".

Also, I will never forget a statement I heard many years ago in terms of finding a soulmate: "Sometimes, 15 mins are enough to KNOW a person; other times, even 15 years are not enough to NOT KNOW a person".

Marriage is about building a relationship from a scratch with the mindset that "the only way is up". It is a lot of hardwork and patience.

[Still-alive]

The only way is not up. i disagree with you. you have to really know a person before you make that big commitment. And as i explained above sometimes your partner hides who they truly are from you for a time. So you don't want to commit to someone until you really see them.

And you don't want to be with someone who will make your life miserable. Sometimes you figure that out pretty quickly and other times you figure this out a few years prior and also living together is the quickest way to find out if you truly are compatible with each other.

[friendofthefallen]

"And you don't want to be with someone who will make your life miserable."

Do you think life is always going to roses and candy? Or SHOULD be that way? What part of making a vow or committment do you not understand? I get you wanna be cautious but if you are already having trust issues from the get-go, then why bother? You think people aren't being their true selves off the bat? Maybe you've had a personal experience where this happend to you. Is that why you're thinking this? I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. I guess I am more positive. I don't like to think negatively about people all the time, or be suspicious/cynical.

Maybe you're right in that living together can give you a clue as to how they will be to live with, but I just think that cementing those vows does have merit. If it's not solidified in commitment, maybe it's less likely to last.

[Still-alive]

@friendofthefallen I don't think negatively of people all the time. but i like to be certain. and in order to be ccertain i allow time to pass through doing things with them to see who they truly are as a person.

SOME things you can't overlook aka red flags. and a lot of people also know they are red flags so they hide them. Over time you'll start to see them and living together really starts to show you what they are.

And at that point thats when i gotta make a decision 'are these red flags workable or not' and if they are terrible ones like they are abusive or were cheaters and they hid that from you than yeah thats bad and im leaving.

others i might work with but it just depends on what they are.

[Still-alive]

@friendofthefallen "Do you think life is always going to roses and candy? " no i do not which is precisely why i like to be sure so i don't totally see them with rose colored glasses and see them for who they truly are. Emotions cloud judgement after all. What you ultimately want is for your emotions and your brain to be in harmony with each other before proceeding with someone.

" if you are already having trust issues from the get-go, then why bother? " so all people who have trust issues shouldn't date? well that will thin out the dating pool about 99%. lots and lots of people have trust issues and its because of past experiences, or trauma. Now if the trust issues are too severe then i can see why they shouldn't date for their own sanity, but you're unlikely to find a lot of people in our age without at least some trust issues. Dating is hard now.

"You think people aren't being their true selves off the bat?" to be frank no most people aren't. they put on a facade or their best impression so people don't see their true selves which may make others around them uncomfortable. i mean just look at social media like facebook and shit and tell me all those people are being authentic. so yeah i allow time to pass while dating them so i can really know who they are.

Cementing your vows does indeed have merit thats why i want to cement them with a woman i feel the most compatible with. i want to make absolutely certain of that.

[friendofthefallen]

"" if you are already having trust issues from the get-go, then why bother? " so all people who have trust issues shouldn't date? well that will thin out the dating pool about 99%."

I guess I am a little biased as a woman. For me to have gone out with someone, I would have already put at least SOME trust in them in the first place.

I get all that you're saying but nobody is perfect.

And back when I dated my ex, I made sure to be my authentic self, or else what was the point. I wasn't about to waste time and I didn't want to waste his, so the earlier I knew we weren't compatible, the better. Maybe you're thinking women are more desparate to get married or be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. That doesn't apply to me at all. I make sure that I have a lot of things in common with them before I say yes to dating them.

And Social Media is fake. Not a good idea for you to gauge people's character based on those things.

[Still-alive]

@friendofthefallen "And Social Media is fake. Not a good idea for you to gauge people's character based on those things. "

it is because most people date off social media these days lol. its 2023.

that said though even though on the inside im cautious, outwardly i still try to be friendly and cordial until they do or say something that gives me a reason for not trusting them. If they don't then great that's a green light and ill continue with them, if they do then its not surprising to me anymore, lets put it that way.

[friendofthefallen]

No offense but I think you approach dating with too much practically/pragmaticism. Do you ever see the good qualities in your partner or is it/do you treat dating like a process of elimination? Of course no one wants to be with someone abusive or a cheater, that's a basic given. BUT, if you and your partner were like 70 to 80% compatible, would you still not like them because of that 20 to 30%? And yeah, I get that emotions can cloud judgement, you want to be careful, that is well within your right, but maybe you'll be waiting for Ms. Perfect for too long.

[friendofthefallen]

*practicality.

[Still-alive]

@friendofthefallen what im asking for isn't even that hard. All my standards are very reasonable. I've gone over it over and over with friends family and people i trust basically. Even then some red flags i can overlook if they only happen once or twice. but if it keeps happening over and over then yeah i'm leaving. its clear they aren't listening nor trying to listen. so yeah i feel like im doing it the way i like to.

Yes i do see the good qualities but it depends as i explained. some red flags just cannot be overlooked. im not staying with someone where my life is far worse because of her. To put it another way im content being single for the rest of my life if i never meet anybody i feel totally compatible with. it would be very nice to be in one with someone like that but i can live without it honestly. i want it but don't need it.

[friendofthefallen]

It seems like you view relationships like they are a burden (for the most part). When you're with someone, you need to be able to compromise and not be so selfish or strict, and just thinking about you and your needs. Also, care to think that maybe your friends and family are partial to you, and that's why they agree with your views? Friends and family tend to do that to appease their family members/friends, just saying, as they happen to care, but yes, your life.

[Still-alive]

@friendofthefallen yes which is why i also go to strangers on the internet for impartial advice as well.

look i know who you are now. bye now.

[HaveNoName]

Ok. Let's talk about tennis now. 😂😂😂

[HaveNoName]

I apologize to everybody for starting this thread. Had I not commented, none of this grief would have happened.

[Still-alive]

@QueenofGaGWebsite Covert narcissism. look that up. anyways byeeee

[smne35]

You have real love for each other nothing will break that up as time goes on you grow learn each other's way and true love is repairing real love, later kids mortgage and college your finishing reach others sentence, that's when you have pure love, the highest most honest of the three levels that make love special magical, not many ever reach all levels but when you do it's a feeling that's undescribable have to experience it to appreciate it

[Sour-rose]

Dat's stoopid.

My roommate (before I moved) pulled in his wife... and she had such sensitive ears, she couldn't take me talking to my husband, her husband gaming, and it was annoying as shi. But that man really soundproofed the shit out of his room and made sure she couldn't hear a damn thing. And last time I checked (before I left), they were still happy.

[ZackBan]

I think living together is the trial run to a successful marriage.
If it ends the relationship then you dodged a bullet before going through a whole marriage.
And in a lot of cases it doesn't end the relationship and the people in that relationship are in fact meant to be together

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Would You Rather END A Relationship Or END A Marriage Because You Can’t Live Together?

I always say if you can’t play nice before a marriage how are you going to play after a marriage. As for me I rather end a relationship because if you end a marriage it’s going to really cost you.

[IslaTheWitch]

I strongly disagree.

From my perspective, it's better to check if we can live together, communicate, make love, solve problems, argue in a civilized way and make alignments and compromises before we decide to marry.

[Sparkie460]

My wife and I lived together before we got married and our marriage is strong.

[Still-alive]

Do you know other married couples who did that same as you and are just as strong too?

[Sparkie460]

Yes I do. The ones that didn't live together are divorced

[friendofthefallen]

Maybe that's just a one off. My parents are still married and they never lived together before their marriage and they've been together for almost 50 years.

[DJB72]

Statistics disclosed the incidence of divorce in couples who've lived together first is around 50% more likely than couples who haven't. When around 50% end in divorce already, why make it twice as likely by cohabiting?

[FriendlyCanadianGuy]

Living together can make or break a relationship... a lot of my friends broke up after living with their girlfriends, so in a way sure it ends relationships...
Better end it early rather than after marriage

[HelpfulWoman]

depends.
it can end relationships, but that also means they're relationships that wouldn't have coped with marriage. I'd honestly say it needs to be mandatory for a year of living together minimum

[MikeTheBartender]

I put agree, but I also want to say this is good, because it means the marriage wasn't going to work out. I think moving in together is a great final test as if you should sign the papers or not

[BadApple69]

Living together will doom a bad relationship. If your relationship is strong it can survive the difficulties of 2 people coexisting together. At the beginning it can be very stressful.

[lightbulb27]

generally agree, but in our case were married and going well. we were much older though.

I think when you are not mature, leads to breakup...

[whirled_up_girl]

I say disagree, it seems it might be a trial run to see how things would work in the long run.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

2 of my sisters lived with their boyfriends before they became husbands. They're still together after all of these years.

[syncheart]

I think it depends on how committed you two are. In other words, if you are very committed then you two are probably already spiritually and physically married.

[BCA6010]

I agree that it can, with the addon that this isn't a bad thing - better to figure out there's a problem beforehand than after getting married.

[molonski2]

Absolutely NOT ! Why in hell would you possibly even try , you need to live together first , its pretty dam obvious.

[llorando]

Went with it depends, as it really depends on the couple, I've seen relationships end not long after the couple started living together while I seen other couples, living had no affect on their relationship.

[summiter]

I lived together and it was great and no regrets and we have a great marriage and sex life

[glennos89]

If you can't live under 1 roof with your partner it makes no sense to get married in the first place. 😋

[friendofthefallen]

I feel if you're married you're more likely to work on the relationship. Geez, people here have such liberal views!

[glennos89]

Marriage is a thing of the past anyways. Sadly marriage has become a setup where girls can enjoy the benefits of divorcing so many guys aren't willing to marry anymore these days... and for a good reason 🤷‍♂️

[SimplyPut]

Living together before or after or during ends relationships

[OddBeMe]

Well… I hit “disagree”. Should have said “depends” when it comes to relationships.

It doesn’t end MARRIAGES. It saves them.

It ends bad relationships.

[Guido]

I disagree. We lived together for 7 years before getting married. We have been together over 30 years now.

My 1st marriage, we did not live together and it did not last.

[Slim57]

I disagree with that, you can find out real quick if you wanna still marry them or not within a few months of living with them

[FenixG45]

It usually solidifies a strong relationship or breaks up a weak one!

[PinkSmoke]

Strongly disagree, how else would you get to know a person?

[Anonymous]

No thanks, I have more important things to do than waste my money on women.

[goaded]

I've been doing that for the last 25 years.

[stratford]

It's not a one size fits all scenario.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I agree a little

[Ironic_Method]

I mean... it's factually untrue so...

[friendofthefallen]

Says who?

[Ironic_Method]

Literally everyone that has lived together and have happy marriages?

[friendofthefallen]

That doesn't make it true for everyone. Or a scientific fact for that matter. My parents didn't live together before marriage and they've been married almost 50 years.

[Wise4myage]

Strongly agree.

[krin_m]

I don't think it has any impact.

[Jmmmfi4]

I WOULDN'T KNOW

[cherriibly]

disagree

[Redstang88]

Nope

[clubboss]

Not at all mate.