What would you do if you were with someone that couldn’t keep a job , and they blame everything on you when finances get tight? They also claim to suffer anxiety and depression , but they have no problem spending the money you earn , What would you do? They claim to love you but they mentally can’t keep a job and have mental breakdowns when they finally do land a job and choose not to go.
The guy in that scenario has his life out of order. From my POV it is a man's responsibility to provide for his wife/family. Yes, modern feminists have said men and women are the same but the reality is that women want to marry up, date up. They want dudes to improve their quality of life and the size of their bank accounts. For some it could be they literally count dollars. For others it could just be a very deep biological need to be with a guy who is successful. In the old days it would have been the guy who was good at hunting and bringing home the juicy steaks instead of the guy who picked berries with the women.
If you aren't married then it's silly to pretend to be married... to be in a situation where the woman is confused/thinking you have that situation going on. She'd be way less confused if she was broke & single... than broke and playing house.
But let's say the guy is married and in this situation. As men, we should focus on solving problems. Try to ignore the noise of misguided complaints/drama. The easiest way to solve the problem is to increase income. And get the wife de-programmed from the feminist bs that is telling her she needs to derive her sense of worth from a day job. Although for women who do enjoy that that's fine.
"They claim to love you but..." -- The idea of love as used today must have been invented by a woman. A woman who felt in love at 8AM and changed her mind by noon. Love is fickle because so are emotions. Traditional men understand responsibilities, obligations, duty. We do things because it is required/necessary... there's a constructive reason like it will produce an outcome consistent with our long term goals. Be more traditional, I say. Unfortunately I can't tell you how to be a psychologist although I suspect it's not a good idea to go down the road of trying to change someone (much). Either she respects you and tries to fit into YOUR style or she doesn't. Most relationships aren't perfect... I'd argue that non marriages are designed to fail because the goal of the relationship is never really long term. But it's also true that if you marry the wrong person it's similar to suicide.
Not being able to keep a job is not always the fault of the person that has the job. Maybe it's a bad work environment, maybe the boss is an asshole, maybe it's just not the kind of job they want or the kind that suits them, maybe it's just a part time or temporary thing, maybe he/she got hired shortly before the business folded up or was sold, it could be any number of factors. I've had at least 64 different jobs in my life. I've had a few that lasted several months, some that lasted several years, at least one lasted over a decade! Sometimes I had several jobs at the same time.
I was just reading yesterday about different mental conditions and depression and anxiety came in at number one. But just because they're a high number of people dealing with these afflictions doesn't mean we should discard them. They are really suffering.
I suffer from life long anxiety. I didn't take any medicine for it until I was in my 40's. Somehow I did always managed to work for 30 years however, I didn't have depression.
I don't know what to say other than to get on medication and therapy to help them. *The pharmasutical companies are tinkering with antidepressants and they don't help the depressed person as much, so they are having to double up on the dosage if you can convince the doctor that the pills aren't helping them.
I am acquainted with someone that I'd considered disabled because his depression is so bad. And lately he is even worse because they're tinkering with antidepressants so his doctor doubled his dosage.
Now, if they are blaming you solely for their mental health conditions and you two don't seem to be making it as a couple anymore maybe she can get into a rehab situation for a while and get a hold on these afflictions. Do you have insurance? Could she apply for disabilities because she has become disabled from them.
If you know what is causing her to blame you, maybe you should consider not doing those things - especially arguing all the time.
I happen to know that you are dealing with things in your life besides your wife, so you're going to stay calm, and talk to her. No yelling from either of you. This takes practice and doesn't come easy over night. You two need a fresh start and put the past behind you and maybe recommit yourselves to each other.
Look on the internet for rehab for her. They have counselors that will try to help by talking to you as well - right then and there while you're on your searching to see if there is help for her.
I wish you well and you know it. 👍
s I'd hurry up and divorce them 😂! Cause I have seen several toxic relationships like this!
The guy is just useless leach and is no fun eventually to be around just wants to be a zombie on the couch!
It ends quickly when it's not a relationship and he is a leach and my friend recognizes it!
Opinion
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The last guy I dated was somebody I met through school and he did not work while doing his studies and I was not too optimistic about his work skills but he was an extremely strong person mentally and very hard working, he just did not have too many professional skills.
I'd personally wanna split up with them because of their annoying attitude, not because they struggle.
I do bave anxiety and I've only ever had one job with an awful boss but i wouldn't use his money. Its not really my fault i dont ha e a job i can only do basic admin stuff and I've had loads of interviews but without experience they dont give u a chance
I quit two jobs that I let get the best of me but i was still relying on my own finances. I had an ex who simply got let go from several jobs and his excuse was always that it was “seasonal” but really he was just a lousy worker. And he had the nerve to get mad at me for quitting my first job when he couldnt even hold on to several. I simply told him to shove it
My ex had been in and out of jobs due to health issues. No idea what she's up to now.
My current OH only works part time (self-employed), due to health issues. It's not a huge issue day to day. But when she wants to spend out on unnecessary things it does cause a little tension
No. I've seen that and it’s very stressful. Not sure can say unkess in it.
Its easy to say… there is a deep emotional problem or skill alignment and needs therapy. If they sre not motivated to do work then nothing changes… have to want it for themselves.
Reduce speding… they do work st home and build skills. No tv, find ways tk address mental issues.
No because I have never been that way lazy, and I would not be involved with anyone who have these tendencies or being lazy, but if I was to be involved with a prison like this I would do all I can to motivate them to want to overcome this educate themselves to have a career not just a job
That indicative of much more serious problems. The person either has horrible interpersonal skills and/or is just lazy. Both are dealbreakers for me so the answer is no. Hell no.
i'd tell them to get therapy and then come back when they have their life sorted. because the biggest thing about being an adult is job/finances...
u nope... I am very selective myself, so "financial nightmares" is not one of my choices, lol
You’re making this person sound awful. Anxiety and depression are real problems.
Sounds like a financially abusive relationship. My wife does not work, but she also does not control the finances. And is very respectful of our budget.
All my exes in adulthood has been ambitious & career established.
I encouraged and supported them, of course, but it wasn't enough; they just didn't want to work, and ultimately, I can only do so much; they had to want it too.
I am with someone who lost his job. He has a new one now.
My boyfriend couldn’t work so I helped him get onto Disability
If the partner is not contributing, save for legit handicaps, dump their lazy ass.
I’ve dated a lazy, jobless, broke loser son of a gun. He drained my bank account
NEVER AGAIN
Sounds like weaponized incompetence.
no I haven't nor would I.
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